Choosing the Right One: 16 Questions to ask yourself before you marry

By David Sunshine

Analyze Your Relationship

In this section we will look at your relationship with your partner to see whether the two of you are likely to have a good marriage.

Friendship

Question #1: Do you enjoy being with your partner? Do you look for-ward to the next time you’ll see each other?

You’ll be spending a lot of time together—hopefully, the rest of your lives—so it’s important that you enjoy each other’s company.

Closeness

Question #2: Are you comfortable confiding your thoughts and se-crets to your partner? Do you view him or her as a close friend?

That’s important. If for some reason you’re uncomfortable confiding in the person, ask yourself why. Odds are that the two of you haven’t yet achieved the level of intimacy needed to consider marriage. You may need more time to let the relationship develop.

Feelings of Inferiority

Question #3: Does one of you feel either inferior or superior to the other?

Research has shown that people who considered their partners su-perior to them felt guilty and insecure in their relationship, whereas those who considered their partners inferior had to deal with feelings of anger toward them. The most stable relationships occur between partners who view themselves as equals.

Conflict

Question #4: Can you be open with your partner when you disagree with him or her, or are you afraid to speak up for yourself? Are there issues the two of you are already unable to discuss? Does your part-ner have a tendency to avoid or withdraw from conflict?

Honest, open communication is at the core of a good marriage. The two of you should be able to express what’s bothering you without engaging in insults, and without having the conversation turn into a shouting match.