Two into one does go !!

God in the Life of the Percivals

- an interview by Christine Zwart for the Winchester Diocesan Newspaper - The Door

David and Liz Percival talk about their faith, their relationship and their commitment to supporting other peoples' marriage first through Marriage Encounter and now through a new marriage website

David

I attended a happy little prep school in Sheffield which had a Christian Union and one or two active Christian staff. I began to learn about the Lord Jesus and I committed my life to Him However, over the first year at public school I was bullied and teased out of my Christian faith and realised that if I just gave it up and became one of the lads I would fit in much better.

Liz

I was born in an Anglican vicarage in the north east and for all my early life I was as happy in the church as I was in my own home. Then at the end of my teenage years I became disillusioned and drifted away and God figured only occasionally.

When I met David at Cambridge University we were both engaged to other people. But I soon realised that my first relationship was not what I wanted and that I wanted to marry David. That situation began to bring me back to God. I was so desperate about sorting it out that I found myself asking for his help.

David

Yes it was a stressful time. There were our final exams. My father had terminal cancer and died just after I got my results. At the same time there was the emotional turmoil of trying to understand how my relationship with Liz and my relationship with my then fiancée should be unscrambled.

When I disappeared to work in Norway as an engineer for the oil and gas industry I asked Liz to join me. She gave up her job and in the middle of winter headed for Oslo. After six months of living together I decided one afternoon that this was the girl I wanted to make my wife. I didnąt have any flowers so on the way from the office I stopped at the side of the motorway and picked a bunch of mustard flowers. When I arrived home I said to Liz would she marry me and presented her with this bunch of weeds. She burst into tears and said "yes".

Liz

Our eldest John was born in Oslo He had colic and I spent a lot of my nights pacing the floor with him and wondering to myself "what am I going to teach this child, what values am I going to pass onto him". That made me think about what I believed. God just seemed miles away and I remember lying in bed one Sunday morning and crying out to God "Are you really there?".

We moved to Stavanger. The ex-patriot community had one church in Oslo and little outposts around Norway and I had already found out about the outpost in Stavanger. They had a Bible study group and a lady there started talking to me. She believed in a real person and I suddenly thought this is what the Christian faith is all about. I began to want to read my Bible and to be with other Christians and to know more about God. My faith was coming alive - not going to church on Sunday because thatąs what my family did but choosing to follow Jesus. Poor David didnąt know what was going on.

David

All of a sudden Liz had this new interest, this new energy. She was going to see friends she clearly found valuable and special and I was spending evenings at home with the baby. It was like Liz having a new boyfriend. I felt abandoned. I didnąt know how to reach her.

The woman from the Bible Study group and her husband were very supportive and welcomed me every bit as much as they did Liz. Their love for each other was also immensely warm and they shared with us that one of the things that had helped them develop their relationship was something called Marriage Encounter. They invited Liz and I to come along and hear something about it. The evening was interesting and Liz was immediately enthusiastic that we should go on a weekend. I was still thinking "does our marriage really need this?". In any case we were scheduled to come back to our home in south London and I thought Liz might forget all about Marriage Encounter in the process.

Liz

Sometimes David asked me to stay at home on a Sunday and not to go to church and there were times when I did choose to do that because I felt that God was saying that it was important that I was there for David. I was desperate for him to share my faith but I was beginning to make things worse by trying to push him. In the end I just broke down in church and handed David over to God. A few weeks later we booked to go on the Marriage Encounter weekend. David wanted to go.

David

I did indeed want to go. It was a special time when we were led gently but purposefully to start to explore first of all ourselves and then our relationship together, the stake that God had in our marriage and finally how that fitted into the world. And as the weekend went on I began to realise what I had been missing since my early teenage years - my close relationship with the Lord.

That weekend was a turning point. First of all I was able to tell Liz what it had felt like to think of her going off with Jesus "her boy friend" and how lonely I had felt. Through that weekend I was able to start to recommit myself to the Lord. I realised that Jesus was holding out his hand to me and saying to me "You come along too. I'm your friend. I'm your Saviour." I remember describing to Liz the vision of her standing some way off down a long road at a cross-roads and me calling out to her to wait for me to catch up because I wanted to hold her hand and walk with her down the road.

Liz

The weekend also gave us a real passion to encourage others to discover more about what God wanted for their marriages. We became involved in organising weekends for Marriage Encounter and eventually in leading them and finally taking on a leadership role nationally. Through our work for Marriage Encounter we have also been involved with with planning National Marriage Week.

David

One of the things we found out very early on was that we could be much more effective reaching out as a couple both to our Christian friends and to non Christians than we ever were on our own. We were able to offer them not only our own thoughts and understanding but also, by trying to live out Godąs image of marriage, a model that they could relate to in all sorts of different ways.

I have grown in confidence through Liząs willingness to accept me not just as the handsome he man she tried to marry in the beginning but actually as the vulnerable little boy that can live inside. As a result I am prepared to be open and vulnerable with others and that has enabled others to share with us. This idea that we have been able to grow through being vulnerable and sharing and accepting to each other in our marriage has been the cornerstone not only of the work we have done with Marriage Encounter but in the ways we have been able to touch the lives of many other people around us.

Our time leading Marriage Encounter was wonderfully exciting. Having laid that down towards the end of 1998 we were searching for what God was calling us to next. Our time in leadership exposed us to the many other organisations who are working to support and enhance marriage and made us realise that there is an enormous need for support for marriages and at the same enormous difficulties in knowing what is available. We were led to think and pray about how we might help to change that.

We have been given a vision for an internet site where people can come safely and anonymously to find out about all the different aspects of marriage. It is called Two into One and will be launched during National Marriage Week (7 - 14 February). You will be able to find out almost anything about marriage and the range of different services available from information and tips and ideas about getting married to how to work at your marriage and legal advice. Liz and I are obviously coming from a strongly Christian base of marriage but it is being designed so that it will also be open to the secular world.

Liz and David

The vision that marriage is something that is really important that God created as a way for two people to be totally close to each other and be a sign of his love in the world has been the guiding light of all that we have done over the last 12 years' The benefit of doing this work means is that we have to go on working at our own relationship and to keep on being the best that we can be for each other.

David and Liz now live with their three children, John, Robert and Sarah in Sandhurst.