The process of seeking help
By Davina James-Hanman
Woman tries own strategies
It is rare for anyone experiencing violence within an intimate relationship to immediately seek formal intervention; if, in fact, it is sought at this stage, it is usually in response to a life threatening attack and is an attempt to seek immediate protection rather than wanting to make long term radical changes. (An example of this would be when women call the police and despite obvious serious injuries, she declines to press charges.)
The first response of most women to abuse is to try and sort it out themselves, within the privacy of the relationship. This can include a wide range of strategies such as:
trying to talk to her partner about how his behaviour has affected her
avoiding the topic of conversation / scene which seemed to precipitate the violence. For example, if he hit her in the middle of a row about sharing the housework, she may avoid having conversations with him on this topic in the future
she may physically retaliate
she may refuse to speak to him for a period of time until she feels he has been ‘punished enough’
she may outline to him the consequences if he ever hits her again (e.g. threaten to leave)
Passive acceptance of the abuse is rare. What is more common is for women to try a range of strategies to avoid or minimise further abuse. These may or may not be successful but this does not mean that she is passively accepting the abuse. Women may, in fact, discover that ‘standing up’ to him increases abuse and that maintaining an appearance of passive acceptance is successful strategy.
It is rare at this stage for ending the relationship to be being seriously considered.
