Anger in marriage

By Kate

Destructive anger

Feelings of anger may not last, but we can develop an attitude of anger, which is not actually an emotional thing. It's when we hold on to our anger, offence and resentment, nursing it and feeding it, so it grows. Bitterness can follow on and hardness of heart, an unwillingness to forgive and a desire to hurt someone and make them pay. That sort of anger can be very destructive - it tends to distort our view of reality, making it even harder for us to forgive and heal a relationship.

We can become more and more focused on the injury, the injustice or hurt. It draws all our focus onto our hurt, onto the issue. We no longer see the other person's point of view. We withdraw into ourselves, trying to punish them, even by our coldness. It kills relationships.

Some people never realise the damage until their loved one dies. Have you come across people in this situation? Something happened to cause anger and disagreement and the situation was never dealt with properly. Over the years the hurt and bitterness grows. Death brings them face to face with a different set of values. Suddenly it's too late to put things right and the hurt doesn't seem as important as it once was. Their eyes blinded by anger and unforgiveness are finally opened to what they really lost.