Forgiveness - The Oil That Lubricates Any Love Relationship
By David & Maureen Brown
Forgiveness is ....
A dictionary definition of ‘Forgive’ is ‘To stop feeling angry or resentful towards (someone) for an offence or mistake’. Notice the words ‘to stop’, very important! Within us we have to take this action step by really forgiving from deep within the hurt we have received. We have to speak out forgiveness in simple ways so that it becomes a lubricant that allows you both to work as a couple, so that the ‘heat’ that was between you starts to be ‘filtered’ out by the forgiving action. In that filtering both have to give and both have to receive forgiveness.
To help you begin the path to forgiveness we set out below an adapted extract from Jack and Carole Mayhall’s book ‘Marriage Takes More Than Love’ which is, regrettably, no longer in print.
Forgiveness is hard – especially in a marriage tense with past troubles.
Forgiveness hurts – especially when it must be extended to a husband or wife who doesn’t deserve it. It hurts to forgive.
Forgiveness costs – especially in marriage when it means accepting instead of demanding repayment for the wrong done. It costs to forgive. In any relationship forgiveness takes place when love accepts – deliberately – the hurts and abrasions of life and drops all charges against the other person.
Forgiveness is smiling silent love to your partner. Not because you have to, to keep peace, but because you want to, to make peace.
Forgiveness is not acceptance given “on condition” that the other person become acceptable. Forgiveness is given freely.
Forgiveness exercises strength to love and receive the other person.
Forgiveness is a relationship between equals who recognise their deep need of each other. Each needs the other’s forgiveness, each needs the other’s acceptance and each needs the other.
To sum up: Forgiveness releases you both to love each other. Forgiveness really is the oil that truly lubricates any love relationship. With it your love will grow into ‘loving’ and you two can move on in harmony together.
A good book on forgiveness is ‘The Lost Art Of Forgiving – Stories of Healing from the Cancer of Bitterness’ by Johann Christoph Arnold
