Seven steps to marital Ecstacy

By Joe Beam

Step Four—Identify and Stop All Negative Behaviors Affecting the Relationship

Analysis — These are different than the destructive behaviors that require intervention by outside parties as mentioned in Step One, Substep A. These are things either spouse habitually does that cause negative feelings in the other. A simple directed analysis discovers them easily. They can be remedied quickly and effectively if each "offending" spouse understands their negative impact on the relationship.

Termination & Forgiveness — When the person committing a negative behavior understands the impact of that action and apologizes, the couples can't move on until the other forgives. Then each must make a commitment. The "offender" commits to stopping the negative behavior. The "offended" commits to be understanding and supportive as his or her spouse works to overcome the habit.

Plan — Ending a habit nearly always requires a plan. The most effective plans are created with the "offended" spouse's help. Plans succeed most often when the "offended" spouse gives support and reinforcement as the plan is implemented.