You've Got to Have the Right Parts, "Communication in Marriage". Part 6
By Norman & Ann Bales Of All About Families
Loyalty
Loyalty is vital to any successful marriage. With the exception of
God, your marriage partner is the most important person in your
life. That's inherent in the marriage vows when we promise to
"forsake all others." Unfortunately we don't always do it. If loyalty is
measured in terms of priority, sometimes a husband's golfing buddies are
more important to him than his wife. Sometimes children are more important
to a wife than her husband. Some husbands are treated like drones. They are
made to feel they have no practical value after birth has taken place.
We all have an urgent need to believe that no matter what happens,
we hold the distinction of having top priority in the minds of our
spouses. After serveral years of marriage and being put on the
"back burner" so to speak, while Norman spent many hours teaching
others, helping others with their problems and rarely being around
to help with the children and be involved in their activities, Ann
did not feel like she had priority in his life. She didn't feel
important at all.
At some point in our marriage relationship, we will probably test
each other's loyalty. Testing may take place in a confrontation in
which we can get our mistrust out in the open. Sometimes it takes
a painful experience of airing hurt feelings, doubts, and
misunderstandings, and there is always the risk that in the end we
will be misunderstood and rejected. Many times, though, it is
more painful and frightening to confront, so we run away or do
unwise things, which makes the problem worse. But if a husband
and wife really have priority with each other, that truth will become
evident to both parties and there shouldn't be the need for a major
confrontation. Remember that "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of
cure" and that is true in every area of life, but especially in the
marriage relationship.
When conflicts and problems arise, there is no substitute for a
husband and wife plumbing the question of their importance to
each other. When one or the other is inclined to give their first
allegiance to someone or something else, they need to go back
and look at how important their spouse really is to them.