I am in a similar situation, and have asked myself 'what is it I love about this man exactly?' I now see that he is manipulative, mean, a bully, has a deep distrust/fear of women, has no insight into his own behaviour, no remorse for his actions - not anything you would call lovable at all!
I am in the process of getting out and have cried for days. I appreciate the pain you are suffering - you are not alone. I had to go outside the family to find help - it is out there, but you wont get it by bottling up the misery - it wont do your child any good in the end.
I hope things get better. Get strong and angry - he has no right to treat you this way. Life would be so much more peaceful for you if he accepts he is wrong and takes steps to change (my partner doesn't) or has to go. Get legal advice, inform the police if he is violent. Tell people - keeping his secrets gives him power over you.
I hope things get better soon. Good luck