Your feelings are part of who you are. They may not be nice to ahve but you can't just wipe them away. They are giving you an insight into who you are as a person and what is goign on inside you. Already you've been able to tell us of your fears that soemthing might happen - you might loose your husband in some way.
I guess one thing that you want is for your husband to really listen to what you are saying and to understand the way you feel. He can't necessarily make you "feel better" or take your feelings away, but perhaps he thinks that's what you want him to do. You might like to look at the article on feelings
on the site.
I went through a stage in our marriage when I was very afraid when my husband travelled. I feared something would happen to him and that I would be filled with regrets for things I hadn't said and done. Did he really know that I loved him? I was afraid that I would be overwhelmed by pain and grief and that I wouldn't be able to manage without him. I had to face those fears and discover that I would come through any disaster that befell us. I wouldn't be able to avoid the pain, but I would have the inner strength to survive.
We would all like to have control over life, but unfortunately we can't and the tighter we try to hang onto control the harder life seems to become.
One thing that is worth learning in marriage is how to share feelings without using them to manipulate each other or control life. One thing we learnt through Marriage Encounter
was how to do this. I share how I feel with David so that he understands what it is like to be me. He knows that I don't blame him for the way I feel or expect him to change to make me feel better. I own and take responsibility for my feelings. Sometimes he does choose to act differently because he doesn't want his actions to hurt me, but we don't share feelings to change each other rather we do it to get to know and understand each other better. The most important thing for us is to be seen by the other for who we really are, knowing we are accepted and loved.
Perhaps you can find a way to share your fears and feelings with your husband as a gift rather than as a pressure on him to change. Feelings shared in this way can become more bearable. you rae just starting out on the journey of marriage. Don't give up now just because things are tough - there could be so much good ahead just a little further up the road.
If you're feeling down while he's away, come and share your feelings here and we'll try to support you through the time he's away.