too much debt - 2-in-2-1 Discussion Forums

saw69 · 24th November 2006, 11:28 PM

Hello. I have been married just over two years. I am 31 years old and ready to start a family and build a home. My husband is 80,000 dollars in debt, accrued through school loans. When we married he told me the tally was 50,000. Last spring I found out it was actually 80,000. I told him he has to do better than that. Six months later, the total remains the same. He has only being paying on the interest, nothing has been paid towards principle. He is frugal, does not buy things, lives minimally. As do I, I have always done things the hard way to save and skimp. I have always been very conscious of money and lived very frugally. I have saved 17,000 in ten years on a wage considered under the poverty level here in the United States. Why has he not paid anything off in the past ten years? Wasn't he working? He says he was, but I don't think he realizes how much 80,000 dollars is. He is not malovent. He loves me and is very diligent and hardworking, gives me his all in all other fields of marriage, but his financial skills stink. He is ignorant on the subject. And I'm falling apart mentally thinking about it. Do I stay and compromise my philosophies and dreams? Or do I give up on someone who I have devoted time and energy with and do things alone? When will I have kids at this rate? I am very depressed and don't know quite the direction to take. Both our careers earn 20 to 30 thousand dollars a year each. We cook all our food, bike to work, rent movies from the library. Buy used clothing. And still we are not making it and I am worried. Thanks for any words.

Helen · 25th November 2006, 05:14 AM

Saw69,

I recommend that you do two things. First, you need to sit down with your husband and actually work out ON PAPER 1) your precise income, after taxes and other deductions and 2) your outgoings. Second, after working these out you need to come up with a PLAN to repay the debt as well as a plan to save a bit of money between you. Call this your baby fund. While I too would be freaking out over this kind of debt (I earn in excess of $70k on my own and this sort of debt would still freak me out!) it is pointless driving yourself nuts over this. I appreciate that you are married to this man but the debt is in his name, not yours. Okay, once you are married, there is joint accounting, which explains why you are so worried about this but, as stated, there is no point worrying yourself into an early grave. I also would not throw in the towel just yet. Try to come up with a plan between you and then wait around to see if your husband sticks to it. If not, then reconsider your position.

If the two of you are earning $40 - $60k a year between you, unless you have a VERY big house with a huge mortgage, your husband has NO excuses for not making inroads into this debt. My guess is he is not being as frugal as you think. His money has to be going somewhere. Do the math, make him explain every cent of his expenditure and then come up with a plan between you to repay the debt AND save for a baby. On the debt, there is no need to repay it all before you have kids but, as stated, you do need to think about a sustainable plan to make significant strides towards clearing a good chunk of it.

I wish you well with this. If you need any help with budgeting/planning (my speciality!) come here and post again.

Take care,

Helen

saw69 · 25th November 2006, 03:10 PM

Thank you Helen. That's what I needed, someone to tell me not to run.

Helen · 25th November 2006, 10:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by saw69

Thank you Helen. That's what I needed, someone to tell me not to run.

I am the last person to advocate running! But it is a question of priorities. If your husband demonstates behaviours that seem to indicate that you are LAST on his list of priorities, it is up to you to let him know how things stand. You should be in the top three. Ahead of you might be clearing the debt and saving for a child with you. If they aren't and you are less than number three in the long term, I would cut him free. And tell him you are. NOTHING should be more important than paying the debt and having kids with you. If anythng is, this man is not worth your consideration - and I would tell him this confidently, immediately and without regret.

Helen