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Old 29th August 2006, 04:27 PM   #1
sara
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Unhappy should i stay or go if he keeps cheating?

My husband works abroad a lot. He admitted to an affair last year but broke it off. Things seemed better but he would not talk about our marriage nad what had prompted him to be unfaithful. Now I find he has continued to be unfaithful, with different women, on at least 2 more occasions and I suspect many more. He goes to the Far East where women are very keen to go out with western men, so tempation is always there. We both love each other and I do not want to split up if we can make things work. He agreed to go back to marriage guidance. But the counsellor has said to me she thinks it might be 2 years or more before he can sort himself out to the point where he no longer is tempted. So... i have to decide whether to leave him and start to build a new life, or (reluctantly) put up with it in the hope that eventually he will come back to me. I do not know what to do excpete pray nad ask for the prayers of others. i do not want to lose all we have that is good, but i do not know if i can bear to stay with him when I know he is being unfaithful. Does anyone else have experience of this - if so what helped you make your decsion? Please pray that God will guide me to make the right decision.
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Old 30th August 2006, 11:15 AM   #2
helenrw200
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Re: should i stay or go if he keeps cheating?

sara

How can your counsellor possibly put such a time scale on your husband in this way ? Is there some reason why he would be unfaithful for 2 more years ?

Unfortunately, whilst you're willing to accept his behaviour and keep taking him back, he's going to think it's ok to keep doing it.

You have to ask yourself some serious questions. Apart from the fact you love him, what good things do you have with him that supercede his affairs ? Are they really good enough to warrant putting up with his infidelity , and the worry it gives you everytime he goes away on business ?

How long can you mentally stand the anxiety of wondering what he's doing and who with everytime he packs his suitcase ?

He won't talk to you about it, so how can you be sure he has any intentions of ever stopping ?

I hope that you can find comfort in prayer, but to be honest I think in the long run you'll find more peace by thinking things through and reaching a decision based on what is happening, do you think he'd stick around if he found out you were unfaithful to him ? I know you haven't been, but it's a fact that while he can do this and still have you at home waiting , he has no reason to stop.

Take care

Helen
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Old 6th September 2006, 08:56 PM   #3
jools
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Re: should i stay or go if he keeps cheating?

Just another thought, Sara, what about the health risks in his promiscuous behaviour? He could pass on all sorts of horrible things to you.
Jools.
________
FINNISH COOKING

Last edited by jools; 20th April 2011 at 02:34 PM.
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Old 28th September 2006, 10:35 PM   #4
Lizzie
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Sara,

I am experiencing a similar thing with my husband. Has now cheated twice that I know of and probably many more in between. I'm not sure that you ever forgive someone when they destroy your marriage, especially when you have had a trusting relationship in the beginning. I think you have to go through the process and come out the other end. You must think to yourself - how much can I take. As someone said to me "have some self respect for yourself". How can this person truly love you if they constantly hurt you. They think they can just get away with it. I believe because I let my husband back in my life, that he feels he can do what he wants and get away with it.

You are going to have to be strong and make the decision. I will be telling my husband tommorrow that it's over. You don't want to end up an old lady with no one in your life. At least if you leave him now you have some chance of true happiness with someone else. There's got to be some nice guys out there??

Lizzie
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Old 5th October 2006, 11:33 AM   #5
auburn
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Re: should i stay or go if he keeps cheating?

I know it must be hard to decide on anything right now. Even being in your situation I would still be feeling lost. I think all you need to bear in mind when deciding on anything is that you have to do whats best for you. You need to be on your own a while to know whats best and what you should do, how to move on. Ask yourself many question sand note down all the answers and maybe show them to your counsellor if you have any.

Take care.
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