Site Areas
Wedding Centre
Health Club
Marriage Clinic
Chapel
University
Citizen's Centre
Coffee Shop
Admin Centre

Contents
Articles
Books
CDs / Videos
Tips
Services

Resources
Forums
Membership
Contact Us
Site map
Link to Us

Search

Take the Couple Check-up!

Marriage Week UK

Marriage first aid

Online support for your marriage

Free Tell A Friend from Bravenet


Home > Forums
2-in-2-1 Discussion Forums  
Old 26th June 2006, 03:53 AM   #1
duckbreaker
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Question Wife exposing herself

Hopefuly someone can help me understand why and my next move.
We have been married 17 years. Usual ups and downs but generally very good. Four boys 20,15.13,11. Sex is very good, we both enjoy it fully and happy to use sex aids at times for fun. Sometimes 3 times a week sometimes once in a month.
We are both working full time.
My job takes me driving all over the south of England. Sometimes getting home very late and sometimes being called out on emergencies (1 week in 5).
Two weeks ago my van broke down late at night only 1 mile from home. So I parked it up and walked home. I got to the end of the street at 2345. Now as it happens that is also the time the milkman calls up our street. He does not call to our house. The milkman was delivering to other neighbours. His van being parked outside our house. Outside our house is a street light.
As I turned the corner into our road I notice that my wife was knelt in the bedroom window. Fully naked, from the light from the street lamp.
I just stopped dead in my tracks not believing what I was seeing. I stepped back to be out of sight and waited for the milkman to drive further up the street. My wife then left the window so I continued to walk to the house. The next bit terrifies me. I could see her approaching the door through the glass, she then latched shut the door. I gave it two minuets and walked in. Nothing has been said to her yet. Yes we did have sex that night.
Since this I have been purposely coming home late. But actually waiting up the road to see if this was a once off or to be repeated. So far it has happened twice since. When the weather has been hot and/or she has a day off. All three times very similar. Naked in the window. Once standing up in the window. The door is then relocked. The third time I discovered she is now fully shaven down below which is the first time ever. Not that I am complaining about that (a wish come true).
I am worried of where this will lead to and the high risk she is running by unlocking the door so he could just walk in if he wanted to. So far I cannot tell if he has seen here or not. The chances are very high that he has or could as she is so well lit up in orange light.

So women out there can you help on what might be going through her head?How should I handle this?

Last edited by duckbreaker; 16th July 2006 at 09:22 AM.
  Reply With Quote
Old 26th June 2006, 06:24 AM   #2
saint_gb
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Wife exposing herself

hi mate,
i know you want insights from the ladies here, but couldn't help putting in my two-bit: it appears your woman is experimenting with kinky stuff (perhaps even in collusion with the milkman!) - you should talk to her about this (in a non-threatening way) and if the idea appeals to you (as i think it might), find a way to partner her through it instead of feeling hurt and humiliated!
cheers,
~saint
  Reply With Quote
Old 26th June 2006, 09:34 AM   #3
Liz
Moderator
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Posts: 663
Re: Wife exposing herself

Dear Duckbreaker,

I should talk this through with your wife. She is running the risk of upsetting the neighbours and that in itself could get back to your children. and affect them.

Liz
Liz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 26th June 2006, 02:16 PM   #4
shadow
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Wife exposing herself

She is obviously trying to fullfill some sexual fantasy. It could run her into some serious trouble by running the risk of getting raped, and the attention of some one dangerous where it could lead to real probs.

I would talk to your wife about this and tell her that it is wrong, it shows you and your marriage disrespect and that it needs to come to a stop. If not for her safety but for your children.
  Reply With Quote
Old 27th June 2006, 10:03 PM   #5
Helen
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 941
Re: Wife exposing herself

duckbreaker,

What is interesting is the fact that you haven't said anything to your wife about her behaviour. Quite aside from upsetting the neighbours, what she is doing is committing an act of gross indecency in a place where it can be viewed by anyone - neighbours, kids and members of the public. If she is reported to the police, she will find herself in serious hot water legally. It would also be terribly embarrassing to you, whether or not she is reported. Especially if the neighbours see her doing it.

I think you should ask her what on earth is going through her mind when she does this? Do not get me wrong. I am no prude, nor am I judgemental. But I was shocked when I read what you had written because there are some lines that should not be crossed, even in the pursuit of fantasy. Certain fantasies, that is. It is one thing putting on a show in private but doing it in such a public way is not normal behaviour - by anyone's standards. It does sound to me as though the boundaries between wanting to express herself sexually in private and public have become very blurred in her mind. Also, I have to ask who lives opposite you? Are there any men in the houses across the way that she might be attracted to? I ask because the milk van was parked and then moved on. Maybe she was trying to catch the milkman's eye. Maybe her show was for someone else...

I get the impression that she is almost offering herself up in a 'shop window' for any takers. Not behaviour you would expect from a married woman. The shaving sounds interesting too and I think you should ask her about that. Why shave down there all of a sudden? Who is she doing it for? I know you say you are worried about her leaving the door open so that he (the milkman?) could walk in if he wanted to but it sounds to me as though that is exactly what she is hoping for.

I think you should talk to her and get your knowledge of her activities out into the open. Only then can you begin to deal with it and nip where it is leading to in the bud.


Helen
Helen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th July 2006, 01:10 PM   #6
confused_by_life_4_2_long
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 17
Re: Wife exposing herself

talk to her, live the fantasy.. if i found my wife doing this kinda thing.. i might buy a car just so we could do it in funny places.. this behaviour would make me happy.. ebay has some great fun outfits..
confused_by_life_4_2_long is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th July 2006, 08:14 PM   #7
Helen
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 941
Re: Wife exposing herself

Quote:
Originally Posted by confused_by_life_4_2_long
talk to her, live the fantasy.. if i found my wife doing this kinda thing.. i might buy a car just so we could do it in funny places.. this behaviour would make me happy.. ebay has some great fun outfits..
I cannot believe you are offering this sort of 'advice'. Quite aside from not addressing the poster's concerns, what you are suggesting is illegal. This isn't about what would make you happy. It is about what the poster is uneasy with in his marriage. If you cannot answer the question in the spirit in which it is asked, I wouldn't answer it at all.


Helen
Helen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th July 2006, 07:14 AM   #8
duckbreaker
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Unhappy Re: Wife exposing herself

Update.

I have got round to talking to her about it.

She has some strange idea about not bothered if ANYONE sees her. Just in view of the window are two older couples. Children live at the back of us in three houses with their bedrooms over looking our garden. She would not do it in the window if a neighbour was to walk by. Ref the milk man she says she is teasing him and canít stop the fun. She wants him to and hopes he has seen her. She is looking for other ways to make sure he does see her. She has ideas of being in the back garden pool naked, standing up just as he passes our back garden fence (which can be over looked). She has thought about just walking out of the front door naked when he is there. She admitted other occasions where she has been behind the front door glazed panels that can be seen through, naked where he parks to deliver.

She says she does not want to have sex with him but has thought about it. In her words ďThe first time, I was so horny I would have done it outside on the grass with himĒ.

She wants people to see her naked. The milkman is to see her naked. I am so confused over all this and it takes time to sort my thoughts. Some of what she does it I find a turn on but not the milkman parts. She wants me to make love (have sex) with her in our front hall so he can see. In fact, she wants it to happen with her legs out of the door way.

She wants to flash to people. I have so far been able to entertain some of her wishes. We have been out twice now around midnight, where she is naked under a coat. We go to a junction close to a main road. I have managed to persuade her not to flash at cars (one might be a police car) and she agrees. But truckers have been getting a great view of her in their headlights with the coat open or even dropped. Once we are back home we are having some great sex. I am confused still and thought to entertain some of her wishes to try and hold onto some control while she goes through this. I have asked if the milkman should be flashed at some where away from home but her response was that she wants him to know itís her from our house. Now try and tell me that one day she will not do it with him. It is going to happen Iím sure.

I donít know if I am helping her get through this or making it worse, but feel sure if I tried to completely stop it. She would only go further on her own.

confused_by_life_4_2_long
If your wife was doing this to me as I work. would you buy that car and bring her round to me?

Sorry if this sounds confusing to you but struggling to write this.
  Reply With Quote
Old 13th July 2006, 08:09 AM   #9
Liz
Moderator
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Posts: 663
Re: Wife exposing herself

Dear Duckbreaker,

You sound very distressed and confused. To me it also sounds that by describing all the details of what is going on you are sharing more of your wife's private life than is necessary. Just as some people would be very upset to see your wife doing what you describe, I think some folk would say that you are giving us too much information here. I think it's enough to know that your wife is wanting to expose herself to the milkman.

You also don't seem to have talked to her about what she's doing in the way we meant. Have you sat down and asked her why she wants to behave like this. All I can get from what you say is that she is sexually turned on by this behaviour. Why has she suddenly become absorbed by being turned on sexually? Most women who are busy and fulfilled during the day with their wider lives don't have the energy to be up half the night behaving in this way. It may sound facetious but perhaps some sleeping pills would help!

At some point you need to explain to her that her behaviour is not acceptable either to you or to the rest of the neighbourhood. I would also suggest that she needs some counselling, because her behaviour apart from probably being illegal as Helen says, it is also antisocial.

Perhaps you could go and talk to your doctor and see if he has any advice.
Liz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th July 2006, 01:48 AM   #10
Helen
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 941
Re: Wife exposing herself

Duckbreaker,

I would not indulge your wife's fantasies in the way you have been because I think you are making her worse. Instead, as Liz suggested, I would try to get to the bottom of why she suddenly wants to behave in this way and try to get her to understand that what she is doing is potentially dangerous - to her and to your marriage. It is almost as though she is trying to prove to herself and others that she is still an attractive, sexual woman. You mentioned that you have a 20 year old child. It is possible your wife is feelng her years (I am guessing she is close to, if not over, 40) and perhaps she feels like she is almost over the hill? This may be how her mid-life crisis is manifesting itself.

Your wife needs to understand that some fantasy is good but the way she wants to manifest them isn't. Quite aside from you and upsetting social sensibilities, she has 4 children to think about. Imagine the embarrassment to them if she ever got caught doing these things.

If I were in your shoes I would suggest to your wife that she see a psychiatrist to try to get to the bottom of why she is behaving in this way. Yes, you know how exposing herself makes her feel. What you don't understand is why she feels the need to do it. What is driving this behaviour all of a sudden? In the meantime, I would dissuade her from the midnight car rides/putting on an exhibition for the milkman and if she insists on going, I would resist your impulse to sleep with her afterwards. Doing this is validating her actions and will only strengthen her urges.

Your instincts regarding the milkman are spot on. One day he may well take the bait - I have no doubt your wife will get bolder because your excursions are increasing her confidence - and by the time she does this it will be too late to repair things. Given your discomfort with things so far, your marriage is bound to come apart at the seams if this happens. Your wife needs to understand why this is not a good idea - for your sake and the kids.


Helen

PS: I agree with Liz. In your first post you put a lot of graphic detail. I would edit it to remove the detailed descriptions of what your wife was doing as I felt uncomfortable reading your post.
Helen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st August 2006, 04:25 AM   #11
duckbreaker
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Wife exposing herself

LAST FINAL REPLY


Thankyou for all your help and kind thoughts.
The final outcome is I have now left the home.
As you advised correctly I did not give the rewards when she had her 'moments' was not hard for me to take such action.
Situation on her behaviuor has (in my eyes) got worse. She has now signed for Boob surgery and taken £4000 load without my knowlege for the op. She wants hair implants & face 'job' to the eyes. Found her now wearing pelmets for skirts when ever she can. I love her good looking legs but this short in public and friends makes me feel 'uneasy' for a word.
Milkman (bless him) he must be such a happily married man. He now gets to see her in the lounge window topless (lights on, opened curtains and standing at the window) even with me in the house. She finds it so funny. says she is just having fun and teasing him. I have even thought of going out to appolagise for her behaviour.
She is now 41 (going on 14). I have had such long chats to try and understand her and explain that she is going through this 40 thing of 'am I loosing my looks', 'am I still atractive to men?' tried so much to reassure her and I want the person inside for ever the outside is still perfect. she just blanks it.
Tried to explain that when all this 'make me look younger' thing is done. How is she going to prove it works?
In gentle conversation I explained that this sort of action could find me leaving her. she responded with "I don't want you in the house anyhow".
So here I am. The next chapter of this great adventure called life.
Thanks for all the help.
  Reply With Quote
Old 1st August 2006, 07:29 AM   #12
Helen
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 941
Re: Wife exposing herself

Duckbreaker,

I am very sorry to hear that your wife would rather lose you than give up her fantasy life. Based on what you have said (boob job, eye work and mini-skirts) your wife is definitely having some sort of crisis in relation to her age. 3 questions:
  1. What of your kids? Are you just going to leave them in the home with their mother displaying, frankly, unreasonable (and potentially dangerous) pick up behaviour?
  2. The milkman - as you say, he must have seen her standing in the lounge. Have you ever thought of enlisting his help in dealing with this? Perhaps if he tells your wife that he is uncomfortable with what she is doing and if she doesn't stop he will make a formal complaint, your wife will snap out of part of the fantasy?
  3. Have you tried explaining to her that no matter how much cosmetic surgery she has, she is never going to look 25 (or even 30) again. In that context, pelmet like mini skirts on a woman of her age are ridiculous and is something she ought to keep for private?
I am really concerned about your kids. Your wife isn't just exposing herself when she behaves in the way she is. She is exposing your kids too. You need to think about them and, if necessary, ask her to leave. If she refuses, explain that her behaviour is not reasonable and is very high risk and, as the father of those kids, you are not going to leave them in the home with a mother who exposes herself to all and sundry and leaves doors unlocked for goodness knows what encounters. Before speaking to her, I would get some legal advice and then take it from there.

I think it is one thing your wife living out these fantasies. To an extent, I can understand her desire to feel younger. But most women in her situation dye their hair, go to the gym, get a tattoo or get a piercing - sometimes they do several of these things. What they don't do is put themselves and their kids at risk through questionable behaviour. As her husband and as the father of those kids, it is up to you to take action.


Helen
Helen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st August 2006, 04:18 PM   #13
markus
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Wife exposing herself

Im not sure what you can do to get your wife back on tracks - you either make a decision to stay with her and adjust your lifestyle - ie become a swinger or get her a web cam and hope she can get it out of her system or walk away and find someone that wants the same things out of a relationship
  Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 07:22 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.


Top

Copyright ©1999-2014 2-in-2-1 Limited. All rights reserved. Disclaimer