linda - 2-in-2-1 Discussion Forums

linda day · 14th March 2006, 02:47 PM

hi, i need some advice please'
my husband had an affair on the internet 5 years ago but we managed to sort things out and carried on with married life. however in dec 05 i discovered he was at it again but things went a bit further with this one he actually met her and they had sex. when i confronted him he said he was lonely and depressed due to me being at university 5 days a week and working 2 days.
he is now receiving medication for his depression. i,m not sure if our marriage can survive his latest affair as i cannot forgive him for having sex with another women. although i do still love him. what advice can you give me?

14th March 2006, 02:55 PM

My wife had a one year affair with a friend years ago and I forgave her. The only problem you'll have is that you will never forget. Give him a chance to show his love for you as my wife has done and things will work out. People make stupid mistakes during their lives and they do things that cannot be changed but I believe in giving it the best shot. Good Luck!! Ron

Ginger God · 14th March 2006, 03:49 PM

Linda...

My wife had two affairs, I forgave the first, I dumped her the second.

It wont work I,m afraid.

Graham

14th March 2006, 05:00 PM

linda - it's one thing for your H to have said he was drunk and didn't know what he was doing etc.... one can almost "forgive" him for that (almost), but not only was this pre-meditated but he cheated on you with the worst excuse possible - that *you* were too busy for him!!! Essentially, he's blaming you for his cheating. What kind of nonsense is that? Seems like he is not mature enuff to control his wandering eyes and dick and cannot be bothered to empathise or support you or even to take responsibility for his actions.

I'd say get rid of him, not just bc he cheated on you, but bc of the underlying reasons behind it - he'll never be there for you.

14th March 2006, 05:30 PM

London is right..... his saying you was to busy was very wrong. He needs to take the whole blame for his action and you need to realize that the affair had nothing to do with you, that can be hard even if he says it, which is normal, but it had nothing to do with you!

No excuse for what he did will actually be a good enough reason, but it might help you decide if you want to try and forgive him if you see that he really wants to work out the marriage. I am glad that he is taking meds that is a first step to show you he is trying, but still has many more steps to go before your marriage will be back on track. First he needs to take the full blame, ask for forgivness, and then be very willing to do whatever to gain your trust and forgivness again, realizing that it wont come right away.

linda day · 16th March 2006, 03:17 PM

thanks for the replies, it,s good to know their are people out their that can understand my feelings.
my husband say's that he loves me and is deeply sorry for what he did to me and he can't apologise enough. but i keep asking myself if that is enough to repair the damage to our 20 yr marriage.

16th March 2006, 03:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by linda day

thanks for the replies, it,s good to know their are people out their that can understand my feelings.
my husband say's that he loves me and is deeply sorry for what he did to me and he can't apologise enough. but i keep asking myself if that is enough to repair the damage to our 20 yr marriage.

he's sorry? Did he say why? Did he actually apologise for blaming you. Did he take responsibility. Linda (linda with an "i" and not a "y") -you need to ask him WHY he's sorry. The rest he needs to tell you on his accord. If he can't, he won;t change and will carry on blaming you for whatever his actions are.

linda day · 20th March 2006, 03:59 PM

it's hard when you don't know which way your marriage is going. i am sopposed to be going on holiday with my husband in 3 weeks time. it's a make or break holiday. i've sort of come to a decision that i want to end the marriage but he thinks it's worth trying to save so we will see when and if i go on this holiday.

20th March 2006, 04:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by linda day

it's hard when you don't know which way your marriage is going. i am sopposed to be going on holiday with my husband in 3 weeks time. it's a make or break holiday. i've sort of come to a decision that i want to end the marriage but he thinks it's worth trying to save so we will see when and if i go on this holiday.

good luck. Enjoy the "holiday" - but remain strong to *your* convictions and listen to your intuition.