marriage falling apart

I have been married for almost 14yrs. My husband and I have both been married before. We have children from the ages of 22,19,17,16 and 12. About three years ago on July 4th we had some devastating things happen in our lives. First we lost our house and everything in it in a flood. Then about a month later my husband was coming home late at night and hit and killed a man on a bicycle.
He was found not gulity but, has been living with the guilt of this every since then. At the time he did not want to talk with a counselor and only wanted to talk with me. I tried my best but didnt really know how to get him through this. We did pray about this also. But, every since then he has changed completly. I do not think he has gotten over this. We used to argue before but we always seemed to work things out. Every since then I feel like he doesnt really like himself, therfore it shows in every aspect of his life. There has been some things that have happen that i am having a hard time forgiving him for. I used to want to do everything i could to keep my marriage together but, her lately i am feeling very numb.

please urge him to seek professional counselling. This kind of thing is a huge burden to bear alone.....

I have urged him to get couseling...but he does not think there is really anything wrong. He thinks that I am the problem in our marriage.

How are you "the problem"? He's the one who accidentally killed a man and hasn't dealt with it! Perhaps you could take some time away from him... perhaps that will wake him up if he thinks he's going to lose you unless he seeks help.

I have considered time away...the only problem is I have 2 girls that are still at home one a Jr. in high school and the other in 7th grade. I couldnt pick up and move i feel that would be very selfish of me. i do have the support of christian friends and basically right now we just coincide in the same house....very sad. i am going to try and seek christian counseling soon...hopefully that will help or give me a new perspective.

Try non-denominational counselling. Religious based ones often* have underlying agendas and are often guilt-based.

* clearly not all of them do, but a fair number of Christian ones preach what "god" wants, not what's best for the couple.....