Has Anyone Out There Re-captured The Love?

Hi All,
Having read everything on this side I have a question:

Has anyone actually managed to re-capture the love and contentment with their partners?

Should thise experiences not be the "worst" and the "best" things we have ever done?

In my own situation I am determined to make it right and also to learn valuable lessons from all of this. OK I can't do this on my own, but I will continue to try. This might be selfish of me, because at the end of the day I WANT to be happy with what I have chosen, but my aim is for both of us to be happy in a more grown-up knowing way.

Any thoughts?

Love and care, Angelika

[Kate]

Dear Angelika

I think your question is a good one and it's a shame no-one has replied yet.

My husband and I have had our low periods - nothing too serious, but we have had our times of disappointment and disillusionment. I firmly believe you can get through those even when any romantic feelings are missing and you are feeling hurt.

I think you are right that it takes two, but one can start. one of a couple taking the trouble to do loving things and speaking positively and refusing to take offence can begin to turn the tide. It can be hard work sometimes.

When my husband was made redundant he did some of the most bizarre things and I was feeling very frightened and insecure, but I managed to stay strong for him and give him space to work through his pain over it. It was a tough time but we came out stronger.

I have also come across people who have been badly hurt and yet have rediscovered the feelings for their loved one by choosing to stick by them and look for the good in them. I think some of it is to do with being at peace with yourself and not looking to the other to fulfill your needs all the time. For me that comes from my faith in Jesus - I always have him to turn too when others let me down.

I wonder what others think.

Kate

Hi

I want to be able to rekindle things more than anything. My H is trying to end an affair with an ow. He started seeing someone else whilst we were seperated but have since wanted to get back together so he is going to face up to her and tell her. He had been seeing her and me for five weeks without me knowing about it whilst we were trying to get back together by dating etc but still living apart. Its now been two weeks since I found out about OW and he has still not told her with one thing and another.

I worry though that his feelings for me are nothing like I have for him. Infact I know it if I was brutally honest. I worry that although he has chosen to be with me and to try again for us and our children that he will not be able to give me the love and affection I need. But if he does in odd periods I am worried that it will all be fake.

Kate your words have helped me in what you say that one can start it. I am the only one trying I feel, by leaving romantic notes, I have even written him a poem, despite him technically being in the wrong for still not ending his relationship with OW.

I love my Husband so much, ironically probably more now than ever as I truely am on the verge of loosing him. But all this affection and trying is one sided I feel and I am at seriously giving up point now.

I dont know if he can be the man I want in my life, like he used to be. I dont want second best. I just want to be loved the same way as I love him.

Any advice Kate as you seam to have done so well holding it together in stressful times

Lexy

[jools]

Hi Angelika
I think the lack of response is due to the fact that most people who access this site are working through their own problems and wondering the same thing as you. Everyone, like you, is looking at this thread and waiting for someone to say "Yes, I did it!" But I guess we're all here because it's a case of work in-progress.
I saw certain similarities between your case and mine... husband's mid-life crisis/depression. I am constantly seeking to repair the rips in our fabric. My husband has recently had a blood test to check for other possible underlying factors. Low testosterone is often a cause of men's "mid-life crisis" and depression and can be rectified. In addition to these possible medical remedies I am also trying to be supportive and positive.

I am hoping that at some time in the future I will be able to revive this thread and give you a positive response. I feel confident that we will restore the balance to our marriage. In fact, his suffering has been the boot up the backside that I needed to galvanise me from my own apathy within our relationship (so I guess I re-discovered my own love for him). Not sure how I'd cope if he'd been unfaithful though. That would be a different ball game. But I'm positive...so I'm going to answer YES!!!!
Jools. XX
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Volcano Vaporizers

Originally Posted by jools

Hi Angelika
In fact, his suffering has been the boot up the backside that I needed to galvanise me from my own apathy within our relationship (so I guess I re-discovered my own love for him). Not sure how I'd cope if he'd been unfaithful though. That would be a different ball game. But I'm positive...so I'm going to answer YES!!!!
:DJools. XX

(Quote Lexy)
I love my Husband so much, ironically probably more now than ever as I truely am on the verge of loosing him.
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Hi Jools and Lexy,

Funny that you should say that, because I feel exactly the same. Sometimes we are so in a rut that we cannot see any other way. But will our husbands see it? That is why I say it is both the worst and the best thing to have happened. As they say you don't know what you have until you have lost it. But maybe that is were we are going wrong, THEY have not lost us as we are still there waiting on a platter. Ready to accept very little in return.

It seems that we have two choices
to be positive, honest and loving with our partners
or
we turn them away for good, so that they can really make up their mind about what they want.

I just wish I had the answers. A man's view on the options would be interesting.

Angelika xxx