I NEED Some Advice???? - 2-in-2-1 Discussion Forums

21st February 2005, 08:05 PM

Hello, I've never been in this forum before. But I've posted this in a few other forums and can't get any advice. Here's my deal- I'm 19 (yes I already know I'm young) I've been married 4 months We've been toghther almost 2 years, and I keep hearing that the first year will be hard for anyone. We seldom fight (we are both rather sarcastic and cynical so we vent through a constant stream sarcastic jabs and "harmless" jokes rather that fighting we know we shouldn't and we do hurt each other this way We started a "negi jar" we each have jars we have to put money in whenever we say anything negitive about the other person (the person who's jar has the least mony in it at thend of the month gets both jars. It's really helped we're much more carefull about what we say. I have no idea what's really wrong with us we love and care so much about each other and we work so hard at our relationship, we enjoy being together. But we have no "spark" we never really have. And I'm not just saying sexually I'm talking over all, you know that feeling that- to quote bambi "twitterpated" I know parts of it are suposed to die down after time but we never had it. He comes from a family where they don't hug and NEVER say I love you, while I've never left the house without kissing my family goodbye (I'm sure this background difference plays a role) but I just feel like nothing can be done to "fix" the problem it seems hopeless and it makes me cry and he just freaks out when I cry and in the end I end up comforting him (which is a little funny) Ok so let 'er rip. Advice, anything at all will do?

smackie9 · 23rd February 2005, 04:23 AM

Ok, What made you decide to say "I do" to him? What caught you eye when you first met?? Sometimes we have to remind ourselves why picked our husdand when things aren't going right. Maybe it's time to put the sarcasim aside and actually talk to each other from the heart. Try more intimate conversation, sharing each others feelings. There's no quick fix for any marriage problem. It's something you have to work on a little at a time. Most advise on this site is "go to marriage counselling". I think if you two work on your comunication with each other, things will move along better.

23rd February 2005, 02:49 PM

Thanks, We try to talk but it's so easy to get defencive when its an issue we both feel strongly about. We usually do communicate pretty well. We do know what we disagree on but we can never do anything about those things. (He would never EVER go to counseling ever.) It just seems impossible. We love each other we've never doubted that and I've wanted to marry him since I was 12. We both care so much about each other we'd go out of our way to make the other happy. It's just the unresolvable issues that hurt us.

smackie9 · 23rd February 2005, 04:23 PM

Well, he doesn't want to go, but you can go to counselling. You don't need to tell him either. They will give you an idea why you both have unresolved issues and how to handle them. You haven't lost hope yet, that is why you are here. There's no quick fix, it will take time and effort. With some coaxing, maybe, just maybe he will go to counselling. I think he may feel that it's like an intervention or he doesn't like being all exposed and vulnerable. Good Luck to You.

12th May 2005, 07:06 PM

Shasta,

[font=Times New Roman][size=3]I have read some of your posts and I feel for you. I am in the same situation that my wife has no sex drive and mine is to big for the both of us. I love her and I don’t believe I will ever leave her for this but I do share photos (naked) with interested women online because it is the only sexual excitement I get now. I could easily find someone on the side but that is not my intension. Well I don’t need to bore you with my issue but I do understand the frustration.[/size][/font]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman] [/font][/size]

[font=Times New Roman][size=3]If you ever need someone to talk to about the situation I would be happy to listen or I guess I should say read.[/size][/font]

13th May 2005, 07:46 PM

Nineteen is really young. Yes you really love each other, but were you ready? Now is the time you need to grow together and learn more about one another. Talk about the future and mingle together, get to know other couples of different age groups and find yourselves in this picture. It's almost like "here we are now what". Take some time to explore.

13th May 2005, 11:22 PM

They were too young to get married. This is what happens.

D