Devastated

Well here is my situation ......any advice

I was having a close relationship with a woman outside my marriage.It was everything but physical.One day we had a fight I abused her calling her a person of loose morals.She was mad as the relationship was continuing with mutual consent.It ended and I heard nothing from her again.I knew I had been mean and insulting but thot it best to let it be.Then one day my mobile phone bills were delivered to my wife which had details of my daily long calls to this woman.All hell broke loose after that.This woman is unmarried hence not affected but my life has gone down the drain.

Was this her revenge for humiliating her.In all honesty she was always nice to me and refused to get physical due to consideration for my wife.Or could it be that someone else sent the bills.

I am quite disturbed,as it is I feel very guilty for behaving with her the way I did.

Originally Posted by Nick

Well here is my situation ......any advice

I was having a close relationship with a woman outside my marriage.It was everything but physical.One day we had a fight I abused her calling her a person of loose morals.She was mad as the relationship was continuing with mutual consent.It ended and I heard nothing from her again.I knew I had been mean and insulting but thot it best to let it be.Then one day my mobile phone bills were delivered to my wife which had details of my daily long calls to this woman.All hell broke loose after that.This woman is unmarried hence not affected but my life has gone down the drain.

Was this her revenge for humiliating her.In all honesty she was always nice to me and refused to get physical due to consideration for my wife.Or could it be that someone else sent the bills.

I am quite disturbed,as it is I feel very guilty for behaving with her the way I did.

I am not judging you but you called her a person of loose morals and you were the one going outside your marriage. It sounds as if you felt guilty about what you were doing and took it out on her. She might have sent the bills to your wife to get back at you. I've heard such things. Who else would have sent them?
The woman may be affected when you called her names. You may have really hurt her.
That sounds like a whole lot of bad karma came back to you.
Would calling this person and apologising for your words make you feel better? If so, why not do it. Don't mention the bills. It won't make a difference.
You can work that out with your wife and try to get things back on track with her. Sorry things are not going well.

[smackie9]

You feel bad for telling her she's a person with loose morals? You should feel bad for having an emotional relationship outside your marriage. You said she refused to be physical with you. It's obvious where this would have gone if she said yes. Shame on you. Your wife deserves some respect here.

soory buddy... no sympathy here. tell your wife and be honest... hope she takes you back...if not understand that she may deserve better... the most disgusting thing you can do is cheat on someone....

Hi

read the replies I deserve them and then some more.I feel like a complete rat!! Infact I was thinking the phone bills were sent by her but no, my office sent them as I had over shot the limits of the my allowance on office phone.And guess what I called this girl to apologise ,instead I asked her why she sent the bills she was shocked and said if this how you think I don't ever want to reminded of your existence again.THat was It!! later I came to know my office sent the bills as they were too high.And common freinds say that my freind does not even feel angry with me she only pities me as a person who needs psychological help. I feel like ****.

[Dave]

Nick

I'm not surprised you are feeling bad - but feeling bad may not be such a bad thing - let me explain.

My guess is that you are feeling mixtures of embarrasment, anger and foolishness at what has come to pass - GOOD!! That's a sign that your conscience is troubling you - that is that you know that your actions don't line up with the values you want to live by. So step 1 - recognise where you have fallen short of your values:-

• You've broken the trust of your wife by having an affair
• You've abused your "mistress" by wrongly accusing her (twice)
• You've defrauded your employer by breaching the rules on phone use

Step 2 - take some time to write down what your values and principles are - work at it, refine it - ask yourself how you want to be seen, write the obituary you want to have, think of people you really admire - what is it about them that attracts you.

Step 3 - try and figure out what you need to actually DO to be showing these values - make a list - start DOING!

Step 4 - share all this with your wife - enlist her support, get her to hold you accountable for being the person of values you could be. Ask her to help you make real changes.

Let us know how you get on!!

Dave