The Marital First Aid Kit can be found here
I wonder why your wife behaves as she does? Is she the sort of person who feels insecure if everything isn't under control and organised? Perhaps she feels insecure and needs reassurance that she's valued. Often strong behaviour patterns like that are a cover to protect people from seeing the real self doubts underneath. Confronting the behaviour pattern won't necessarily work if the underlying issues remain.
One thing you can do to help your self is to examine the way you feel emotionally when it happens and what's behind those emotions. I guess one thing that you struggle with when this behaviour is going on is your need for autonomy, that is your need to be free to make decisions for yourself. Your need is not being met, so you have strong negative feelings. I find it helps me to understand my feelings and what's going on inside me, because then I can take responsibility for how I react, I'm free to choose how I behave towards my husband and in fact my need for autonomy is met in that way.
You may find thatcounselling
helps, but in fact enrichment programmes
may also help too, because the more you come to be open and trust and respect each other, the easier it is to handle these irritations. Rather than focusing on this particular "problem", they help you to focus on the terrific potential there is in your marriage and building on your strengths and understanding each other better.