Site Areas
Wedding Centre
Health Club
Marriage Clinic
Chapel
University
Citizen's Centre
Coffee Shop
Admin Centre

Contents
Articles
Books
CDs / Videos
Tips
Services

Resources
Forums
Membership
Contact Us
Site map
Link to Us

Search

Take the Couple Check-up!

Marriage Week UK

Marriage first aid

Online support for your marriage

Free Tell A Friend from Bravenet


Home > Forums
2-in-2-1 Discussion Forums  
Old 16th March 2015, 04:39 AM   #1
Kikayhere
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 2
Husband not showy at all

Im sure a lot of wives can relate to this. I know its also common for guys to be mum about things but Im just really bothered ever since.

My husband and I got married 2009. Almost 6 yrs now. We have 1 son and im bearing another one. He's a very responsible guy, he gives everything we need. I can see that he loves us with his actions. But i believe it should be balanced. I need to hear something from him. Coz really, i am doubting sometimes if he really wants me. I do not feel special when were together.

Examples are when we are chatting (coz he only comes home once a week he's working in a far place from our home), we talk about the typical things. What di you eat. What are you doing. Good night. Good morning. He even forget sometimes to say goodnight. If i open up a topic, he will give a close ended answer.

Another thing i hate the most is, other people can see me positively but he is not. As ive mentioned, i am currently pregnant. 5 months. And my bestfriend's boyfriend told her that i looked hot! Imagine! I am pregnant. I look fat. But the other person saw me as hot! I mean I never heard that from my husband even if Ive already worn lingerie!

I also tried to make the first move as per advice of my bestfriend. Tried to make lambing. Hug him. Leave a simple 'i miss you' note on his cabinet. But he's really really NR! He's not taking it seriously too if i try to bring this problem up! He's telling he's just not really use to talking or something. And hindi ko maiwasang icompare sya sa mga ex ko. Sya lang talaga yung kakaiba all of my exes are showy. Theyre telling if theyre mad, happy, if they like what i wear, if they like what im doing, what they dont like, communication is open! But him? Hindi ko lng matanggap na ganun talaga sya. My bestfriend says its a part of him that you have to accept when you got married to him. But communication is a very important factor for a happy marriage. How can we achieve a happy life without it? Haaaay.

Enlighten me! Thanks for the time.
Kikayhere is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18th March 2015, 08:19 PM   #2
Raymond
Moderator
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: Husband not showy at all

I think it is something one just has to learn. I had to learn how to hug my wife and hold hands etc. as Touch was her main language. It didn't come naturally but I have learned it. It's not that I didn't love her, I just wasn't able to communicate it in her love language. We all have a main love language. She says that mine is Act of Service. The others are Quality Time, Gifts, Words of Affirmation. It's worth reading the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.
Raymond is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18th March 2015, 08:26 PM   #3
notDoneYet
Registered User
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 1,297
Re: Husband not showy at all

Ah. Raymond beat me to it. I too was going to recommend the 5 love languages as well. You should read it.
notDoneYet is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18th March 2015, 11:17 PM   #4
defeated
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 54
Re: Husband not showy at all

Quote:
Originally Posted by Raymond View Post
I think it is something one just has to learn. I had to learn how to hug my wife and hold hands etc. as Touch was her main language. It didn't come naturally but I have learned it. It's not that I didn't love her, I just wasn't able to communicate it in her love language. We all have a main love language. She says that mine is Act of Service. The others are Quality Time, Gifts, Words of Affirmation. It's worth reading the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.
how did you learn? there's no way i could ever get my husband to read a book, so how did you teach someone how to be tactile when it's completely unnatural to them?
defeated is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19th March 2015, 01:02 AM   #5
notDoneYet
Registered User
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 1,297
Re: Husband not showy at all

Quote:
Originally Posted by defeated View Post
how did you learn? there's no way i could ever get my husband to read a book, so how did you teach someone how to be tactile when it's completely unnatural to them?
Hi KK. Perhaps you should read that book first so that you understand that not everyone expresses their love in the same way. Then you may begin to recognise when your husband is expressing his love so that you appreciate it. Over time well, you just never know.
notDoneYet is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19th March 2015, 06:15 AM   #6
Kikayhere
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 2
Re: Husband not showy at all

Thank you all for the responses.. Will surely read that book. I am hoping things will change. I really dont feel any spark in our relationship anymore because I dont feel appreciated.
Kikayhere is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19th March 2015, 09:39 AM   #7
Raymond
Moderator
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: Husband not showy at all

Quote:
Originally Posted by defeated View Post
how did you learn? there's no way i could ever get my husband to read a book, so how did you teach someone how to be tactile when it's completely unnatural to them?
It was just something I knew I lacked (brought up a orphan with no proper nurture) and she needed it. Reading the book showed me I could do it. When I wanted sex I would put my arms around her but she said I only hugged her when I wanted sex. I knew she was right as I had never learned to hug her to show love. We tend to love the other using our own love language not theirs. When we find the other's love language then we can train ourselves to do it beause we love them and then they will feel that love in a special way.


Of course love comes out in lots of different ways but each of us has a need to be loved in a special way that speaks to us, hence the love language theory.
Raymond is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19th March 2015, 09:42 AM   #8
Raymond
Moderator
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: Husband not showy at all

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kikayhere View Post
Thank you all for the responses.. Will surely read that book. I am hoping things will change. I really dont feel any spark in our relationship anymore because I dont feel appreciated.
If you get the book it will show you what to do. If you do it it will start the ball rolling. Hopefully he will read the book too and find out what he should be learning to do. sounds like you need Words of Affirmation to me.
Raymond is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 07:57 AM.


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.


Top

Copyright 1999-2020 2-in-2-1 Limited. All rights reserved. Disclaimer