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Old 29th September 2007, 10:52 AM   #1
befree
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some things I've found invaluable

To everyone interested in having healthy relationships,I like the rest of you have googled myself to daeth looking for answers.The most significant website I've come accross so far is www.coping.org
Specifically the section on boundaries http://www.coping.org/relations/boundar/intro.htm

I've lived my life not being able to say no,thinking if I loved someone enough they could change and settling for less than I was worth.I've pissed some people off on this site but I'm certain they've probably distanced themselves from anyone else in their lives who've told them to move on or questioned their behaviour.
I've come to realise that the behaviours and responses in our primary relationships have effect on all our relationships.Or rather we have similar reponses to all relationships,whether it's giving too much,being insecure,too distant,intrusive,dependant and the list goes on.
Sometimes the most important thing we can do for ourselves is stand back and take stock of how we react to things.Be an observer of our lives and emotions.learn to be seperate we get to the source of the pain.
Rejoice in our strenghts and ability to take care of ourselves.
Sometimes when a persons self esteem is dependent on a person loving or accepting us we will accept anything,even if it is punishment,just to maintain the connection.
Everyone manipulates.Anything said or done to ellicit a response or change a persons behaviour is manipulation.Even if you claim it is done out of love it still negates the fact that everyone is entitled to free will.We may not like their choices but need to take responsibility for our actions and direction if we're affected.
We can chose to have the best life possible and find meaning in who we are as individuals or we can spend our lives in a holding pattern of waiting,denying,controlling,grieving,persuing and hoping that someone else will validate us.
We're all valid.We all matter.Sometimes letting go can actually bring more into your life.
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