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Old 25th September 2008, 05:27 AM   #1
nester9
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to marry or not to marry

Hi I am 31 years old and have never dated due to shyness but not shy anymore but I have seen many marriages that are sour and miserable. or even if it is not a miserable marriage lots of ruff spots. I am kinda scared a little. is it worth getting married is it more trouble than its worth. I veiw my self as a teachable person which I think is what marrage is about but I am worried about all the petty arguments that happen. I am a sensitive person I am afraid of fighting over something small that is more or less dumb and getting hurt over things that are not realy worth fighting over bitterly. where I will change my habbits but it will never be enouth and keep saying I have an ego or something when I dont. misunderstandings getting chewed out for saying something I didnt mean or an action that I was innicently doing but turned into something bitter because of a misunderstanding or misreading my intentions.

I guess the bottom line is. is it worth all the hurt fealings and arguments. is it one ruff bump after another where the relationship is more negitive than possitive. what is married life like and is it worth it or should I not marry

thanks
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Old 25th September 2008, 08:16 AM   #2
Raymond
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Re: to marry or not to marry

Nester it is our anniversary today after 26 years. We are going to Weymouth for the weekend. It only gets better as we mature in God and learn to be less selfish. I would say you either have the calling or you haven't. Most people have but there are a few who don't and they will know it. Whether you are one of them I don't know. Whatever, you have picked up a lot of negatives from somewhere. As a christian I see that it is from God. Two are better than one for if one falls the other will hold them up.

In the bible it says that he that finds a wife finds a good thing. I have found that to be true. I know lots of happy marriages in our church and if you have Christ then there are three of you in the marriage.

If you find the right person or they find you you will know it. I wouldn't advise getting married just for the sake of it. Any trials come out of our own faults and it is one of Gods ways of ironing us out because you have to change in certain areas.

All in all I am very grateful for being married. I have gone from being a loner to learning how to share on the deepest level.

Raymond
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Old 25th September 2008, 10:13 PM   #3
1aokgal
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Re: to marry or not to marry

Nester9..

Marriage means you love the other person more than you love yourself. You put away the childish things and seek a maturity, yet you keep the zest and joy of being youthful to share with your partner in life.

I would not have missed a moment of life shared with my husband. I realize there have been times that have been very sad and times I could hardly think I could get through. Yet, I love him unwaveringly and I don't regret overall I chose to share my life with him. Regardless of the high or low times in our shared lives I made a good choice to be with him.

I hope I contribute to his life and he doesn't regret the choice he made with me. I want him to have happiness and will do whatever I can to make that possible on my end. He is kind and adds something I never had... which is the security of knowing that he cares about my welfare so much he would do anything to make it better for me. No one ever did that for me.

What will you do as you age...get a dog for companionship or friends who have their own lives? Where else but with a wife can you know that when you open the door after the day someone is there to greet you and tell you it will get a little better? Who else will listen and give you encouragement and comfort to achieve and be the best you can be? It is worth the pain of disappointment at times...as none of us are perfect, to share life with another to experience the best moments. There are times when it can be so exquisited it is like a walk in the sunshine and all is right with the world.

When you reach the end of this jouney called life, would it not be worth what ever price, to be beside someone who still listens to you and sees you as always young and handsome? When you are truly loved or you love, you do not see the age of the other. It is not relative. That person will love and value you just as you are. Some time you may be given the chance to look into a womans' eyes and you will have recognition instantly that this is the one made for you. How much is that worth? It is worth everything.

I hope you will lose the cynicism and the negative thoughts that blind you from putting yourself forward with the joy of making a great discovery one day. If you believe, you will discover that God has a purpose for you that you can be lucky to find a great love. Why are the stories, the poems, and the pictures painted for the rest of us to admire? They are created by a heart in exultation of finding and living a life truly shared in love. Just as the Sultan who built the Taj Mahal to immortalize his wife, you may some day know what it is to love another in a truly great way. The first thing is we have to be willing in faith to believe that is possible for us.

What is it worth to marry? It is worth any price to find that person and share your life and to sanctify that love in marriage.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 26th September 2008 at 05:40 AM.
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Old 26th September 2008, 03:52 AM   #4
nester9
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Re: to marry or not to marry

after I wrote this God put a little more peace in my heart. I am just concerned about where sometimes where your being confronted about something but the other person has that same exact problem that they are confronting you about. I will admit that maybee I might have error but if I keep changeing but they dont seem to. or if I keep changeing and changing will they take the dominate possision and use this to their advantage.

yesterday I was just dumping my emotions kinda a little sloppy sorry lol it helped to talk about it.

if there is anyone else who has to add please give your option of marriage if you were to go back and make the decition again and what is marrage like
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Old 26th September 2008, 06:04 AM   #5
1aokgal
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Re: to marry or not to marry

Dear Nester9,

I don't think that one can make a plan about marriage until they stand at the threshold and realize that life would be empty without the other person. I believe marriage is the spiritual and religious confirmation that the two are bonded for better or worse into a unit. The idea of the family is not old fashioned. In fact, it seems many are choosing to have more children today than in past years according to statistics so bigger families are in style.

I don't know what kind of family you had when you were raised. The ideal is that it was a loving home and functional with other siblings. Many did not have that and have poor models for their example for the future.
Living together rarely produces a stable marriage later. If they marry at all. Marriage is a committment and one that no one should enter lightly but with every deliberation.

There seems no set time to decide about marriage. My older brother met a girl and married her on the 3rd day. It has lasted 52 years together. A Stepbrother married his high school sweetheart after 7 years and the marriage lasted 5 years. So there is no mold of when one decides to marry. I think we just know we don't want to live separately.

Personally, I believe the ages now are older for both sexes before they marry. More emphasis is placed on success and the need for good education and maturity of judgment. I think mid 30's to be the time men choose to marry today. You have to evaluate if you have achieved personal goals in career and stability before you consider to share life with another.

There is so much spotlight on bad relationships or marriages in the headlines of movie stars and such. That is not the average people who still fall in love and want to make a stable home. It is just too bad that all that negative news overshadows the real world where men and women today marry, raise children and spend their lives together.

The thing we do in our society is called "Serial Monogomy" as we navigate through life to find our soulmate and make a secure life with them. If we find it ends badly...we try again...and again. If it were not a good life then that would not happen. We have to overcome many stresses on a marriage as social, familial, and economic so we need to learn skills to negotiate and to work together to problem solve.

I am a font of statistics. The happiest person on a survey of satisfaction is the married man.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 26th September 2008 at 06:07 AM. Reason: error
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Old 26th September 2008, 07:43 AM   #6
Raymond
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Re: to marry or not to marry

I vouch for that but I believe my wife is happy too. It doesn't mean you don't get problems. You get those whether you are married or single. It's part of overcoming and growing.

Nester I think you are dwelling on the negative too much. On this site of course you will get a lot with problems because it is a marriage help site. Those without problems will not likeley come on here except for people like me. Some of your view may have been shaped by watching your parents. I don't know. I believe marriage and family is the foundation of civilisation.

Don't worry about things that have never happened. You cannot anticipate everything. If you do marry choose well. Your head as well as your heart.

In our churches I have only known two seperations out of 250 couples over the years. Most of our married problems came from character defects brought in from the past, but these tend to gradually go once you realise it. Then you become aware of other defects and it goes on and on, always growing. Really marriage highlights the problems which were in the people already.

Raymond
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