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Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4
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Re: Wife won't move away from her family . . .
I'm still pretty new to this forum, and just thought i might give my thoughts, just as I can understand where your wife is coming from.......
I've probably had an unusually strong attatchment to my family ever since I was young, and I was the child in the family, whom no one thought would "Ever leave home" ....my husband and i met online, and knew eachother for 4 yrs, before we got married.... he lived on the east coast, i lived on the west coast..... to make a long story short we hit it off well and wanted to get married.... i had moved to the east coast to live with him, he had just gotten a promotion to a good position at his job at the time... and i wasnt working, so my moving there seemed the "Sensible" thing at the time....
however after 6 months i broke down and couldnt be away from my family any longer, and we had to move back to stay with my parents, he left everything behind, his job, family and friends, and the trip cost alot more money than we had at the time, just starting out....... i know i was being unreasonable and i felt guilty about it, but i was just so attatched to my family i couldnt handle it, i really just literally felt "Sick" at being away from them.......
its taken alot of time, but eventually i started slowly been able to "Detatch" myself for lack of better words..... its been 6 years since we've been living together, first we had to live at my parents house, then just down the street, then 10 mins. away....... and just recently we moved into a place 30 mins away (though this time i wouldnt have minded living farther away, in a few hrs away if we needed to) .... its been taking alot of time for me, but I think after 6 years, I'm okay now......... my husband has been a bit of a help in that matter........ while i dont think i could live across the country from my family, i'm okay living at a distance as long as i can visit once in awhile.......
anyways, perhaps your wife is being unreasonable just as i have been..... but for what its worth i can say what helped me lately and perhaps it might help your wife......
if your wife is like me, there are probably alot of concerns/worries she's having thats stopping her from going through with the move..... maybe you can ask her about it, and see if you can find solutions or ways to reassure her....... is she worried about the kids not being able to see their grandparents? or perhaps she needs to be able to make sure she can still visit them often? being as attatched to my parents as i was, i felt i needed to visit them once in awhile, and was afraid that moving farther away might change things..... i wouldnt be able to see them often, or go shopping with my mother, or sit down to a game or two with my father etc..
another concern i had at the time, was i am the type who constantly worries about my parents, im constantly calling to see if they are okay, if they needed help with anything, that if anything went wrong, i could be there to help...... my parents eventually moved into a senior living apartments, and i know they are well taken care of there.... but thats not the case with everyone....so maybe if thats her way it might help to talk about things, see if there was someone nearby her parents , that they could go to if something happened, make sure they all have cell phones to call her on etc.....
Keep in mind though, again if she is like how i was, she probably is feeling a bit guilty about this as well, i cant say how many times i felt awful about making my husband leave his job, because of my needing to be nearby my parents, even when he got over it i still felt guilty over it..... so trying to criticize/badger her or force her into this probably wont help , she probably already realizes the trouble this is all causing..... and either she was forced to go with the move, or you caused her to feel guilty to the point she gave in and felt pressured into going, it might probably cause some other problems in the long run, i think right now trying to figure out what the problem is, and solving it might be the way to go abouts it....... again i'm no expert.... i'm just giving my thoughts as i see them, coming from someone who has felt the same way as well......
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