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Old 22nd August 2009, 12:44 PM   #1
Rothwell Benny
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Wife left 3 months ago dont know what to do

Hi never been on anything like this before so i might ramble a bit.

Ill start from beginning me & my wife of 9 years together 13 started having problems at the start of the year i was drinking too much due to her going out more with a new circle of friends i didnt know.

When i had a drink i would come home & accuse her of all sorts. She started staying out later & i got more & more paranoid. She started using her mobile texting alot more & stopped leaving it around.

About march time i joined facebook and became friends with my wife i stard seeing a bloke name pop up every time she went on i asked her about this she said he was just a very good friend alarm bells.

To cut a long story short we started going out more & even went away twice once only a week before we split and had a good time but she was still on the phone all time i had a relaspe the week after & she went out &
came home late i had not slept & knew something was going on when she came in she was very drunk and went straight to sleep. I know this was wrong but i found her mobile and read 3 messages from the bloke on facebook saying he had the best night of his life wanted them be together forever etc iwent mad we argued all night she said nothing going on but in morning she left & never came back.

Theres loads more i could right a book i that moment iam so depressed angry low grieving & much more. I just dont know what to do.
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Old 22nd August 2009, 06:05 PM   #2
MSC71
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Re: Wife left 3 months ago dont know what to do

are you an alcoholic? Is that why you think she left because she got tired of dealing with that? Have you heard from her? Have you tried calling or texting her?
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Old 22nd August 2009, 07:04 PM   #3
Rothwell Benny
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Re: Wife left 3 months ago dont know what to do

Sorry dont think i made myself clear ive never used a site before iam not an alcoholic i like going out & having a drink & so does my wife together & seperately.

I just started staying out longer due to the worries i had.I will try now & explain it more clear. Ive been in contact with her since the split went out to a gig a week after she left had a good time until i asked her for another chance she said she could only see bad in me & if she started seeing the good in me she would let me back in her life.

Ive have rang her & texted her alot over the last few months & vice versa because we have alot to sort as we own a small business. We also have been out together a few times as friends this is confusing but she says iam her best friend she does love me but not like a wife should love her husband.

I have done some stupid things in the last few months we went to a friends christening together got on well until she left & begged & pleaded to come back to me ive done that a few times when shes come home to collect things. I have seen her 3 times this week sorting out our finances we went out on wednesday & got on well have stopped asking her back.

I have found since due to ringing the bloke involved he admitted that he had been out with her a few times but nothing sexual had happened until after she had left. My wife had always maintained that they only met when in a group she lied he told me everything i said to her it should have come from her but she was scared what i would do i have never touched her in the 13 years we have been together.

I now know that she dumped him after a few weeks she said he was too much & she had only turned to him because she was in a bad place.

The problem now is we still have ties & live close to each other & go out to the same places & have mutual friends. I just do not know what
for the best i still love her & always will a bit of background i was 26 she was 18 she was my 1st proper relationship & i was hers. We have done all the 1sts together holidays abroad we also went away on alot of short breaks we have never lived with anybodyelse we used to go to gigs & to the football alot we were great mates. But we did also gave each other alot of time to do our own thing & this got more & more but it seemed to work for all them years.

I do want her back but now iam not begging & pleading leaving the ball in her court. I know she is having a good time because i see her & hear from friends who see her. Iam not all i do is think about her every minute of the day i hardly sleep.

Hope that makes it a bit clearer.
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Old 22nd August 2009, 09:27 PM   #4
MSC71
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Re: Wife left 3 months ago dont know what to do

yes that makes it clearer.........what does she see in you that is bad? I would not believe what she is saying about the other guy as she has not been honest about him from the beginning. Did you have a healthy marriage when you were together ?
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Old 22nd August 2009, 09:42 PM   #5
Rothwell Benny
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Re: Wife left 3 months ago dont know what to do

I think the bad in me she sees is when i when i came home and had a go at her for no reason i know i was in the in wrong & i did take her for granted . We have had a good healthy marriage done all sorts together & it was physical right up to the end as i said we went away for my birthday the weekend before and had a great time which makes it more confusing.
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Old 23rd August 2009, 02:08 AM   #6
MSC71
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Re: Wife left 3 months ago dont know what to do

what about the bad in her? Having an affair is about as bad as it gets for me. I hate that for you. I don't think begging her will do any good. It usually does not do anything to help you. Really the ball is in her court, she knows where you stand.
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Old 23rd August 2009, 08:00 AM   #7
weddedandwinning
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Re: Wife left 3 months ago dont know what to do

R.B,

The best thing for you to do right now is take a step back. Make sure that you are clear with her about what you would like to happen. If you want try to work it out, tell her just that, then leave it at her feet. I would be wary of mutual friends, they will pick a side eventually and that leaves you with more headache.

I do not suggest going out for drinks for awhile, it will only make it harder for you to think rationally. You need time to breath and gather your thoughts, your mind needs to be sharp.

Do you have children?

God Bless
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Old 23rd August 2009, 10:06 AM   #8
Rothwell Benny
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Re: Wife left 3 months ago dont know what to do

Mc i know what your saying but 1 mistake in 13 years i think i can forgive & start again another thing i didnt mention i think the pressure of running the business got to her we only bought it a year ago just before the credit crunch iam a silent partner have a job of my own.

Wed we have no children iam thinking more rationally than i was i have cut down on my drinking but i still need to go out with my friends or i go mad sitting at home looking at four walls i get very lonely.

She does know what i want but at the moment i dont think it has hit her she is seeing a different life been single as she was young when we got together hopefully she will see the grass is not greener i was all she knew.

Thanks for your replies.
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Old 23rd August 2009, 11:28 AM   #9
MSC71
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Re: Wife left 3 months ago dont know what to do

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rothwell Benny View Post
Mc i know what your saying but 1 mistake in 13 years i think i can forgive & start again another thing i didnt mention i think the pressure of running the business got to her we only bought it a year ago just before the credit crunch iam a silent partner have a job of my own.

Wed we have no children iam thinking more rationally than i was i have cut down on my drinking but i still need to go out with my friends or i go mad sitting at home looking at four walls i get very lonely.

She does know what i want but at the moment i dont think it has hit her she is seeing a different life been single as she was young when we got together hopefully she will see the grass is not greener i was all she knew.

Thanks for your replies.

That is good that you can forgive her. Hopefully she will come back. She knows what you want and maybe she needs a little time to think everything through. Just try and be patient and not be depressed or start begging her when she is around. Hopefully everything works out in the end.
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Old 23rd August 2009, 11:44 AM   #10
Rothwell Benny
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Re: Wife left 3 months ago dont know what to do

Thanks for the advice ive been better this weekend and not been has down & sleeping better i will try & be patient and have stopped asking her back iam going to leave it for a while and let her contact me.
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