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Old 14th August 2005, 09:22 PM   #1
gsquash
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Unhappy Pornography & compulsive behaviour

Hi, I'm wandering if there is anyone out there who can fill me with some hope, as I'm feeling pretty desparate at the moment.
I've been married for 8 years and have the most beautiful boy who's 16mths.
My 8 years of marriage seem to have been made up of a string of discoveries about my husband's past and present behaviour. These dicoveries have included use of drugs, unfaithfullness and pornography (which he is still engaging in). Every time I discover it on the computer a get the most awful sinking feeling, and this last time has really knocked me for 6. I feel totally numb towards him.
As a christian (my husband is too) I'm fighting with this whole thing. He says that I set my standards too high, however I believe that God sets the standards and we are to follow them??
I'm praying hard and believing that God can heal (or change) H, but was hoping for some testimonies or encouragement from others who are in the same boat. This stuff just isn't talked about in Church - although I might just change that in mine!!
Thanks
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Old 14th August 2005, 09:33 PM   #2
Liz
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Join Date: Jul 2001
Posts: 662
Re: Pornography & compulsive behaviour

Hi there

Hope you get some responses to your postings - certainly there has been some discussion on other parts of the forum. From a Christian point of view, there are a couple of links here to Christian sites that you may find helpful.

Your husband doesn't want to admit what he is doing is wrong and damaging your marriage, because he will have to face up to things. I hope you can find Christian friends to supprt you.

Liz
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Old 19th August 2005, 08:56 PM   #3
Mems
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Re: Pornography & compulsive behaviour

Hello Dsquash, I was married to a Christian man for ten years and it ended two years ago. He was not the man he claimed to be. He also showed compulsive behavior, did drugs, was into porn and a womanizer. He use to gauk at women when we were out and about and that use to drive me crazy. He told me before we married that he was addicted to pot when he was younger but the Lord had delivered him from that. I found pot in our dryer one day and he admitted that he had been smoking everyday. Everyday!!! He had told me once that I wouldn't be able to tell by looking at him and he was right. I had no idea. This behavior, all the above, cause serious problems in our marriage. I never trusted him, and he would alway justify his behavior. Turn and twist things around. I have had a difficult time knowing what God's will is for me in this area. Gone back and forth, as I believed I did everything according to God. I prayed hard, (before and during my marriage)went to counceling, went to my Pastor & Wife and was never unfaithful to him or God. We were not together physically before our wedding. I tried everything, and things just got worse. I have now realized that we all have our own free will. My husband has his and he chose to endulge in these things. His choice.

It is wrong to do drugs and view porno especially for Christians. I believe that this does not make God happy. As Christians, we are striving to grow and to be better and better Christians and to be closer to God. Unfortunately in my case we divorced. That is not the answer but he did end up divorcing me. My suggestion though. This has been a hugh struggle for me with much pain involved. I have prayed for forgiveness and I know that God still loves me.

I'm not sure that this is much help to you, but know that you are not alone.

Mems
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Old 20th August 2005, 09:08 PM   #4
gsquash
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Re: Pornography & compulsive behaviour

Dear Mems

Thanks for your reply. It sounds as if you have had a pretty rough time of it too. I can really identify with your situation. It is so hard when you marry someone and they behave in a completely different way to our expectations. Something that I am learning is that expectations are not good because they open up so much room for disappointment etc and are they Godly?? I know that the only person (being) that I can fully trust is God and I hope that he will help me to regain trust in my H. But you are right, we all have our free will. I think I find it hard knowing that no matter how much I dislike what my H is doing I have absolutely no power to change him - it's between him and God.
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Old 22nd August 2005, 03:36 PM   #5
Mems
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Re: Pornography & compulsive behaviour

I was told that too, about expectations, and actually I think it's a bunch of hogwash. Expectations are normal. We all have them. We expect our spouses to behave in a certain Godly way. Unless they are a baby Christian, they should know right from wrong. They don't need us to tell them. They should not pretend that they are a certain way and then once married, expose their true selves which is different. This is fake, a lie, and mis-leading. And as the "Head of the Household" will be accountable before God. As I said in my previous reply this is very confusing and disheartening. We must make some kind of sense of it all and strive for peace in our soul. I continue to pray for my ex and ask for recovery for him. Ask God to take away the blinders and reveal the "Truth" so he will be set free.
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Old 23rd August 2005, 10:47 PM   #6
Chris55
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Question Re: Pornography & compulsive behaviour

I am new here and posted a reply this morning, however, I do not see my post. What did I do wrong?
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Old 31st August 2005, 09:21 PM   #7
Mems
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Re: Pornography & compulsive behaviour

Chris55, Why don't you try to resend it.
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Old 8th December 2005, 06:07 PM   #8
gsquash
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Re: Pornography & compulsive behaviour

Hi I'd just like to update my posting. God is doing amazing things in my marriage. Just to encourage anyone who's husband is addicted to pornography that there is freedom for them, but they have to be totally willing to work through it. If anyone know's anything about inner vows then understand how destructive they are and how satan can keep us bound up unable to experience true intimacy with our partner. I just thank God that he already has the victory we just need to walk in it.
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