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Old 24th August 2011, 05:32 AM   #16
1aokgal
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Re: My husband's internet activity is gay, transexual, tranvestite sites

Dear Hurt...

Sorry, dear, THREE wives were not strange! They were probably good detectives and realized this man manipulated them and masked the truth of a hidden life.
Perhaps they got out rather than live with a man who may be other than what he pretends. You had a lot of courage to be a fourth wife.

He must be quite a charming fellow to soothe women with honeyed words and marries so easily. Three women decided there was something wrong with this man, but you believed his story.

You are in denial. No normal man is so "curious" he prowls the transvestite, bi-sexual, and transexual sites unless he is trying to get an outlet for his own confused feelings. Disregard what you found and you put yourself at risk. I think you are in shock and disbelief and want so much that this is untrue. You need some serious self dialogue as to the real meaning of his online interests. Of course he would lie!

Please, don't put yourself at risk as so many woman have done and paid the price for it. Those over 50 have stunning high statistics of sexually transmitted disease because they believe it could not happen to them. I feel very sorry for your situation. No one wants to believe someone they love could have a secret life. It happens all the time as even politicians with "perfect " marriages shock a mate who discovers her husband leads a bi-sexual lifestyle.

Do get the test! Do realize you are dealing with a man who has deviant interests that may be acted upon and that is dangerous behavior. You are not the first women lulled into a mess with a man who lives a secret life. Get some serious counselling and insist he participate in that. Your husband wears a mask and you may not have yet seen the true face.

Too bad you can't talk to an X-wife. I am sure they might give you an earful.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 24th August 2011 at 07:10 AM.
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Old 24th August 2011, 08:44 AM   #17
Raymond
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Re: My husband's internet activity is gay, transexual, tranvestite sites

He just is a desperate man looking for something erotic to give him a "thrill."


Mmm. What's wrong with his wife? Isn't our erotic thrills as he puts it supposed to happen in marriage? Obviously this is a danger spot and I know you know it. Beats me why he gets a thrill from men dressing up as women if he is not gay or a transvestite. Have you shown him those scriptures?

I really hope you both get through this problem together HC but there is a problem there that needs to be dealt with. It is invalid to be trawling the internet looking for an erotic thrill. That surely works against a marriage and implies that his sexual problems need to be worked out.
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Old 24th August 2011, 11:44 AM   #18
chosen
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Re: My husband's internet activity is gay, transexual, tranvestite sites

hnc
Your last post has illuminated so much more.
What do you mean about 'his thoughts on monogamy may have had something to do with the ending of the marriage'?
Does this mean that he wasnt faithful and doesnt believe in faithfullness to one woman? If that is the case then it isnt surprising that the marriages ended.
WAs he a believer when married to and divorced these other women?

I agree with iaokgal about the three marriages. If a person has had 3 divorces the only thing is common with all of the marriages/divorces is him. Sadly 4th marriages rarely work, but if he has become a believer fairly recently, then nothing is impossible.
I know a Christian lady who had an affair with a three times divorced non believing man, and thought he was her knight in shining armor, and wanted to marry him and become his 4th wife. Fortunately it didnt work out because I suspect that she would have been divorced by now 6 years later, because as well as being his 4th wife, relationships that start with adultery and cheating rarely work. I agree that you are VERY brave being a 4th wife. I have never known anyone to be a 3rd wife let alone a 4th.

He claims he is a 'desperate man looking for thrills???' Why does he claim that he is desperate? Why does he need to look outside the marriage for thrills? There is something very wrong here and I strongly suspect that his other three marriages ended becaue of his sexual preferences/problems/fantasies. If he isnt gay or transexual, then why not just look at female erotic sites and not mens ones?(not that that is right of course but it would show that he is at least only interested in women.)

I wouldnt rely on what his family say, or his friends, they dont know what went on in his previous three marriages behind closed doors, and will be biased as well. Maybe he is actually the 'strange' one, and not the women who married him in good faith?. Of course he will blame all of his ex wives wont he, thats what people do, and thats what his family will do. Maybe they seemed 'strange' because they were having to cope with all of this in their marriage. I also think it would be great for you to talk to one of more of his ex wives as well.
What were the divorces for, and who divorced who?

Its not impossible that things can improve, but he does have to stop looking at such sites completely and concentrate soley on you as his sexual partner. He also needs to repent and realise the seriousness of what he is doing, and stop making excuses for it. It sounds also as if he needs to find a man in the church to be his accountabliity partner and who he can be honest with and who can pray with him. Someone who can make sure that he isnt going off track again. There are computer programmes that enable another person to keep track of what he is looking at and this other man could have that information to challenge him with.

I will pray for you, because nothing is impossible, but I believe that you have a very hard and long road ahead with this man.I pray that you dont become another stastistic. People can change if they REALLY want to and are 100% open to God, but his track record up till now is poor.

Last edited by chosen; 24th August 2011 at 11:58 AM.
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