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Old 7th October 2013, 05:00 PM   #31
Roses
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Re: Pray for Me Please

UL

Doesn't he have any assets of his own?

You never know he might come back. It seems there are a lot of couples suddenly breaking up after 22 or 23 years together. It seems pointless that they discard what they built up together. So sad.....
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Old 7th October 2013, 07:22 PM   #32
Unloved
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Re: Pray for Me Please

He has some money but wants compensation from my half for his share of the house.
And for me to take less alimony. I am living in limbo as I still don't know what I will have. I agrees to get and pay for my own health insurance. I don't know what else I can do.

What you said about giving everything up is exactly how I feel. He had a house that he didn't have to put a down payment on that would have been paid for in six years. I am not perfect by any means but I was a good and faithful wife and best friend to him. He had freedom to go out with his friends to watch sport, etc. I never gave him grief over it. My Dad would treat him to dinner out once a week. I just don't know what he's searching for. I don't know why he hurt me like this. I

Thank you again.
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Old 8th October 2013, 07:45 PM   #33
Roses
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Re: Pray for Me Please

Did you know that he was leaving you before all this had happened? You said things start to go wrong approx. 2 years ago? Do you have any idea what events may have triggered his affair with a married woman?

It comes across as he had already worked out the financial part of this breakup and moved on. I wonder how her husband is dealing with this?
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Old 8th October 2013, 08:23 PM   #34
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Re: Pray for Me Please

No Roses, I didn't know he wanted to leave. I knew something was wrong but he had been worried about his job and I thought that was it. Then he started talking about his "friend" at work. I told him I didn't like it and he stopped the plans to go walking. But her name kept coming up. Stupid me, I didn't listen to my gut instinct. Kept thinking he was depressed over his job.

The few months before he left things really went downhill when the emotional abuse began. I couldn't do a thing right, he stopped taking me out saying he wanted to have time to relax. He would still bring me little treats, told me he loved me, then scream at me that I had to get a job. I didn't really know until I saw the email to the lawyer that he wanted a divorce. Hindsight is twenty twenty though. I now realize he was emotionally abusive because he wanted me to say I wanted to split up so he wouldn't have to be the one to say it and deal with the guilt. And all the screaming about a job was because he was planning on leaving he knew I didn't make enough part time to survive which meant alimony. I really think he had been planning this for a long time.

I have thought about trying to contact OW's husband but I don't even know his name.

Anyway, it seems it's a done deal as my lawyer has called today. My H has accepted my agreement. I have no choice and have had none since this started.


I am feeling numb right now. I have just been overwhelmed and emotionally exhausted. I was willing to fight with all I had but I can't do it alone.

Pray for me please.
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Old 8th October 2013, 09:42 PM   #35
chosen
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Re: Pray for Me Please

Are you sure that your lawyer has got you the best deal possible?
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Old 8th October 2013, 10:14 PM   #36
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Re: Pray for Me Please

Yes, I think so. I get to keep the house, half of pension, and alimony. If he forced us to trial there was the risk of the judge ruling that we had to sell the house and give him one third.

Problem is, the pension is taxable anytime I withdraw from it. Also penalties on withdrawal. I am going to pay off the house and my H will sign it over to me.

I don't want his money though. I want what we had. No money can make up for my broken heart.

He thinks if he signs off on the house it makes up for everything.

I know I should be thankful but it doesn't take away my heartbreak.
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Old 8th October 2013, 10:27 PM   #37
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Re: Pray for Me Please

Hi UL

I know what you are going through.

Thank you for your further info.

It would be interesting to see how Raymond would respond to this.

It always amazes me how married man/woman could end their respective marriage this way. It's just so sad.

You have my prayers.
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Old 8th October 2013, 11:09 PM   #38
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Re: Pray for Me Please

Thank you Roses.

That's how I feel, it's just so sad and all for nothing. All the good sweet memories. Now they are just painful to me and he seems to have forgotten overnight. It's like he changed into a different person.

Maybe someday he'll realize what he's thrown away.
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Old 9th October 2013, 09:55 AM   #39
Roses
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Re: Pray for Me Please

UL

Yes. Perhaps, time will tell?

Living together isn't exactly like a honeymoon.

It will eventually fizzle out (possibly) faced by the reality of day to day routines.

One question. Does your Dad live in the same house or in a house nearby?

Hope you don't mind me asking this?
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Old 9th October 2013, 01:11 PM   #40
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Re: Pray for Me Please

Hi Roses,

My Dad lived in the same house, in his own apartment.
He could never live on his own. He had prostate cancer and while it's in remission, the meds he takes have destroyed all his muscle tone and he has a lot of difficulty walking. My H used to help him in and out of the car, drive us to doctor apts. etc. very kind and considerate. Now it's as though he doesn't care if he lives or dies. I know he will never see him again.

I know men think differently but how can you forget over twenty years overnight.
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Old 9th October 2013, 03:44 PM   #41
chosen
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Re: Pray for Me Please

Sadly this happens so often, and its always tragic. I dont know how anyone can leave their spouse like that for no reason. I think its down to selfishness.

Last edited by chosen; 9th October 2013 at 07:50 PM.
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Old 9th October 2013, 05:15 PM   #42
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Re: Pray for Me Please

I know I could never have done this to him. I wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy.
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Old 9th October 2013, 07:36 PM   #43
Roses
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Re: Pray for Me Please

Totally.

I agree that this sort of thing does seem to happen. I'm so amazed by your soon to be ex-h's (STBX) fast transition.

It's also a very difficult situation knowing that your STBX hasn't really told you much/or anything esp. as to who's he's with at present or with whom he's living etc. He moved from one secret address to another. (What is he hiding?!) The way he left you is really dreadful. But again, this isn't unheard of. You know you are not alone in this.

I agree that this is 100% selfishness.

Hope you will be able to find out about the truth soon and that may help you move on.
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Old 9th October 2013, 07:39 PM   #44
Roses
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Re: Pray for Me Please

Quote:
Originally Posted by Unloved View Post

I know men think differently but how can you forget over twenty years overnight.
Well, my experience also tells me exactly the same thing.
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Old 9th October 2013, 11:23 PM   #45
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Re: Pray for Me Please

Thank you again Roses.

I asked him before he left it it was OW and he denied but could not look me in the face either.

I can't think of any other reason he'd do this that makes sense.
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