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Old 10th November 2009, 06:19 PM   #16
Helen_uk
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Re: Pray for wisdom please

Jellybean is right Brotan... your H may need a routine but you also need time out. Can you work some " me " time into the routine ? Paul became so fixed in routine at one point ( and then went into melt down when things had to change for any reason ) that I had to do the exact opposite of what you're doing now and that was refuse to discuss in advance what any plans were . Life alters routines when occasions happen that are beyond your control so it's impossible to plan ahead rigidly for a whole month.

Could you perhaps break things down into a shorter time span ? Daily or weekly ? I found that " I don't know " was at one point the only safe answer I could give when Paul tried to fix into a routine ... he wasn't happy about things being left open but took it slightly better than plans being changed. So he would question me about what we were doing today and my answer would be " I don't know yet "... I'd then deal with things as they happened and if something came up I'd give him a sort of countdown rather than spring it on him.

I know that is more difficult to do with an adult but reducing the time span of planning routines may give you a bit more breathing space ?

Lastly, whether your H likes it or not , it's very important for your own mental health to have some time out , away from work and away from the home. Everyone needs time to recharge .

Helen
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Old 12th November 2009, 08:44 PM   #17
Brotan
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Re: Pray for wisdom please

Still struggling with a serious depression that probably has nothing much to do with my husband or his work situation or even our marriage. We are trying to sort out something so I can get some rest and space and so that my husband also can. He did a proposal for a job that apparently went well (its part time work) so hoping that will come through in the meantime - its a slightly bigger project than they normally do.

I need to see a psychiatrist as the depression has gone much further than a "I am feeling down" issue - shouldn't have left it this long, but that is how things go. While I listen to tapes with praise songs on it is very hard when depressed to praise God and be thankful when the very things I would usually want to praise him for do not appear very good - the other day I could look at what I knew was a very beautiful creation, but nothing inside of me registered beauty, peace or calm. Its very hard to thank God for the beauty one knows is there but cannot experience. And while I am eternally grateful for my own daughter who usually delights me all the time, at the moment I am that depressed that even giving her a piggy back while she laughs can be accompanied by my tears. It is a very cruel illness, but I will continue to fight it as best I know how - by giving the piggy backs and looking at the flowers and crying if I have to and praying that one day it will look better again.
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Old 13th November 2009, 09:59 AM   #18
Raymond
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Re: Pray for wisdom please

Thanks for sharing Brotan. It is hard to praise God for things when we don't feel it in our heart. I think though we can always thank God and praise him for who he is. He is the one who brings victory as we look to him. We don't even have to have feelings for that because it is the truth. It is especially good to do it in the congregation. I know it is a battle but he is on our side and has promised us the victory.

Do you not have any elders on the church who can minister to you?

I went out for prayer for depression when I had been a christian for a while. It lifted immediately and has never come back since. It doesn't mean I never ever feel down but that thing never came back. Maybe it was a spirit of depression in my case? I find doing 1 Cor 14:4 helpful as well.

Also you have to do the practical thing as well and if the psychiatrist can help you that would be good as well.

Raymond
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Old 16th November 2009, 02:47 PM   #19
jellybean28
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Re: Pray for wisdom please

Hi Broton

"It is a very cruel illness, but I will continue to fight it as best I know how - by giving the piggy backs and looking at the flowers and crying if I have to and praying that one day it will look better again."

Well done for doing your best!!!! Keep posting if it helps.
Take time out to look after yourself.

I will remember you in my Prayers Broton.
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Old 5th December 2009, 09:17 AM   #20
jellybean28
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Re: Pray for wisdom please

Hi Broton

Haven't seen you post for a while. I hope you are OK.
Praying and thinking of you.
Gillian
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Old 21st February 2010, 08:16 PM   #21
Brotan
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Re: Pray for wisdom please

Hi again - I eventually went to hospital for the depression and stayed a full three weeks. I resigned my own job before landing up in hospital as I really was not coping. I have been diagnosed as being bipolar which explains why on only anti depressants things often seemed to get worse and also why my husband had such a hard time.

Since January things have been going better - I am more stable and so my husband doesn't get yelled any more. I do have a few bad days a month, but they are under control and I just feel down then.

Still need prayers though. My husband and I have been back together for 10 months now and on a relationship level things are alright, but he is also seriously depressed and not sleeping well at all. He has been without a job now for 20 months and it is putting huge strain on both of us. I only start working again at the end of March and am very scared of it. At the moment his parents are carrying us as well as some rent money we get in.

My husband needs to get back some self confidence and get the depression treated and prayed for so that he will be able to get a job. He is intelligent and perfectly capable of doing a job well, but he has lost a lot of self confidence and with the depression he is not functioning as he should be.

We are in a good church and they are also trying to help. I am hoping that my husband will start a Bible study with a man at the church one-on-one as he is too shy to go to a group. Please cn you pray for this situation and that he will get the help he so needs. Please can you also pray for me. I have also lost a lot of self confidence after resigning my job and being so depressed and I am very worried that the pressure of carrying the family again in a new job may be too much for me again.

In the meantime it is hard to believe that God will grant our deepest desires - he has been seeing to our basic needs when we could be struggling more, but I have a huge desire to have another child and until this is sorted out that will never happen and it hurts me deeply.

It feels like we have both worked really hard on this relationship and it is such a striggle just to survive right now.
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Old 23rd February 2010, 12:04 PM   #22
Brotan
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Re: Pray for wisdom please

My husband got a job!!!!!! He will start in the middle of March.

Praise God, thank you!

I actually want to cry cause I haven't realised how stressed we have been about this. There is a lot to sort out and think about, but for now I am just very thankful.

Thanks for all the prayers - pls can you keep praying that these jobs we are both strating will be ok.
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Old 24th February 2010, 01:58 PM   #23
Raymond
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Re: Pray for wisdom please

We will pray Brotan. I'm glad you have a good church. I think the bible study will help your husband. It can expose the lies about ourselves which we sub-conciously believe from the enemy and get us believing who God says we are. This takes time but is a sure path to victory.

Raymond
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