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Old 24th August 2014, 09:17 AM   #1
fedup75
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Unhappy Alcoholic husband - advice needed

Hi there....I am new to this site and was wondering if anyone could give me some advice.

My husband is an alcoholic. We have been married for 11 years now and he has got worse and worse. His recent trip to hospital for nearly a month ended with him buying a bottle of Gin on the way home! He has told me that he has nothing in his life apart from drink and the tv....despite having me and two children, let alone the children and grand children from a previous relationship.

I know I must leave him.....but here lies my problem.

If I leave I have no where to go, also I have been paying the mortgage and all of the household bills for the last four years at least as he has been out o work. However, the house we live in is his family home from a child.

Has anyone every tried separating and still living under the same roof? Am I able to ask him to leave? What happens then? How do I cope if he drinks himself to death as a result??????? So fed up it is unbelievable....

Any advice would be gratefully received...Thanks
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Old 24th August 2014, 01:23 PM   #2
chosen
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Re: Alcoholic husband - advice needed

Just wondering firstly what led you to marry an alcoholic? Or did he start drinking after you married?
I don't know what country you are in but I think you need to get legal advise. If you live in the UK go to the CAB for advise as well. Is the mortgage in his name? Is the house in his name?

I know three couples who did this for a short time. it doesn't work unless you have a mansion like Prince Andrew and Fergie and can each have your own wing. Also the children will still see their father as a drunk and that will damage them. Many children of alcoholics end up drinking too much themselves
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Old 24th August 2014, 02:14 PM   #3
Raymond
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Re: Alcoholic husband - advice needed

There is plenty of help around for these types. AA (originally a christian based org.) is just one of many, but it does take a fight that he has to inwardly take on.

Presumably he is not doing this and giving up and the marriage is being destroyed. A lot depends on who's name the house is in. Is it his yours or jointly owned? Is there enough equity in it to be sold? If it is his childhood home then maybe you can be bought out? A lot of questions need to be asked really. I can't quite work out how you have a mortgage over his childhood home.
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Old 24th August 2014, 03:18 PM   #4
fedup75
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Re: Alcoholic husband - advice needed

Hi there...he has always liked a drink but over the last four years it has moved on from the odd pint every night to hiding bottles of Gin and Whiskey. He has been through Detox at home once and every time he goes into hospital he goes through Detox there too....

The mortgage is because we renovated the house after inheriting it. The mortgage and house are both in joint names.

Thanks for the replies....I think a trip to the solicitor is needed really.
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Old 24th August 2014, 05:36 PM   #5
chosen
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Re: Alcoholic husband - advice needed

Quote:
Originally Posted by fedup75 View Post
Hi there...he has always liked a drink but over the last four years it has moved on from the odd pint every night to hiding bottles of Gin and Whiskey. He has been through Detox at home once and every time he goes into hospital he goes through Detox there too....

The mortgage is because we renovated the house after inheriting it. The mortgage and house are both in joint names.

Thanks for the replies....I think a trip to the solicitor is needed really.
Good, if it is in joint names, and you have children, then if you do have to separate I cant see a judge telling you to leave. It may be that you can stay with the children until the youngest leaves school and then sell, or it may be that you can sell now and have half each now if that would enable you to buy a flat each say. Definitely get legal advise.
Does he know that you are so desperate? Would he be willing to go to AA if he knows he may loose you and the children otherwise?
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Old 24th August 2014, 07:48 PM   #6
fedup75
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Re: Alcoholic husband - advice needed

I asked him this morning if I said I had had enough and was going to leave would it really upset him and he didn't answer..... He doesn't think it will ever happen to him I think..the problem is that I don't know if I want him any way anymore. I truly think that any love I had for him has gone....I find it difficult to look at him or even listen to him talking without getting annoyed.
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Old 24th August 2014, 09:31 PM   #7
Raymond
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Re: Alcoholic husband - advice needed

If he doesn't think it would ever happen to him it is bad news as what you said to him could have been the shock he needs to provide the cure.

I think seeing the solicitor will be an idea and see what you can find out. There is a lot of equity in the house by the sound of it. I don't see how the marriage can be held together with the alcoholism as bad as it is at the moment. Divorce settlements can favour the mother with children but you would need up to date legal advice on that. Perhaps going ahead will provide the shock he needs? Passivity isn't going to help him.
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Old 24th August 2014, 09:33 PM   #8
fedup75
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Re: Alcoholic husband - advice needed

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Perhaps going ahead will provide the shock he needs? Passivity isn't going to help him.
I have come to feel this way myself. Thanks for the advice.
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