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Old 24th August 2014, 10:52 AM   #1
Hungrylikeawolf
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1
Ive come here with stripes earned (advice)

first off hello everyone .. my name is Mike and Im a 35 yr old carpenter from Pennsylvania ... heres a quick breakdown ...(the short story) of why I seek refuge here..

I met my wife in unusual circumstances ..( we were both sick in the hospital and immediately gelled ...I was at a low point being removed from my 1st marrage for 3-4 years and that in itself made me very skeptical on marring again....

but after 3 months we decided to move in together ... I immediately saw that she isnt the affectionate type (with very rare seldom times she sways the other way).. but coming from a nightmare divorce those (at the time ) smalll issues were easily overlooked ...

from the beginning sex was weird ... she warned me before hand that no one has ever gotten her to *** ..but I never had issues with that subject ...I am a healthy ,attractive tone guy and had a motto to let them finish first then me...

I could nt get her off ...from the start sex was awkward but I figured over time learning each others pleasures would work that out ... she was never really the affectionate type ...as to where I enjoy expressing how someone makes me feel... again I figured the word compromise could play apart ...but..

dont get me wrong we get along very very well (up until recently) but sex was never a steady thing...neither was affection from her part ...but the good outweighed the bad ..and when we were close...it actually made the moments that much better...the first year I honestly think we had sex 20-30 times total..living together ..s;eeping in the same bed etc... then we got married....

I am actually downstairs the morning (5am) of our first anniversary registering on a counsel forum because I am scared to attempt to touch my wife ...(and she never had kids ..I heard thats a big part at times)
I dont remember the last time she kissed me (without me igniting it ...no "I love you" verbally but I can tell she does...and I can count on one hand how many times she ignitiated sex.....

now I understand that if you convinced yourself of something ..its pretty much a sure thing ...shes confinced that the only way to get her off is her masterbating ...I attempted oral sex.. touching and not giving up ...but she get frustrated and we have sex with no avail to her O...

But lately she has turned off everything complete;y....she has fibromialga and gets flare ups where it hurts if someone touchess her ...but on normal circumstances ...she finds ways to stop me spooning her...even just touching her..

Im a carpenter by trade and a month ago hurt my back ...I am close friends with my boss aand stayed away from work comp,,(hed pay my hosp bills so his premiums didnt go up....I aslo suffered from a desiease called fourires Gangrene and lost mucsle in my left leg with after 2 years still causes pain...I reluctently took a few pain pills from a coworker a day or two to get through the day of work to pay bills (no insurance..etc.) long story short my boss went to my wife behind my back and told her I scored pills from a coworker and now she doesnt trust me ....akthough I have no drug abuse history ...

that was 4 week or so ago ..my boss is lettinhg me co;;ect unemployment but the damaged of not telling my wife about the vicidinhas still not subsided ..

Im not an idiot and I know it takes time to heal broken trust ,,, but she officially separated with me when that happened and I barely just recently got her to see the perspective (to an extent on my reasoning behinf the pills ...)

again we never really urgue let alone fight ..but I do annoy her constantly ...Ill go out of my way (prior to the work issue) to show her and tell her how much I love her ....but shes been slowly growing that animal of antiaffectionism...

she went out with her girls (all married last friday ) without her rings on ..she hasnt been wearing them because of the trust thing and texted me 130am that "i hate this being single and shes "having fun ..but never wanted to be single again " so I thought she may have had an itch ...scratched it and we can move on ....After 1 more day of sleeping the couch I moved back into the bedroom ..we were in a good mood the other night and I started working myself hard and she turned her back to me....last night I shaved (she hates stubble) and thought that we could start out 1 year annivrsary off good ...(and mind you she was up 5 minutes prior awake and whwn I started kissing her neck she acted like I woke her up and told me shes tired"....


So in closing I know wounds take time to heal ....but when we do fight we NEVER have make up sex ...Ive gotten to the point where Im apprehensive to even touch her let alone attempt to turn her on ...so I ask myself this ....
what am I fighting to save a marrage that doesnt haveintimate glue in the first place ...she has no sence of compromise to the subject ...weve been playing by separate rules ..and Im still wearing my ring hoping that there's a solution to this that does involve

1.divorce ( again everything except that is really good)
2. me feeling like im mentally raping my wife because she doesnt want to be touched
3. me settling for that fact that the rest of my life(by the way the issue is finally starting to make me angry ...and im not that guy ..nor wish to become him im settling on an issue thats very important to me..in fear of (im not sure how) but getting even worse....

any suggestions would be appreciated ..I tell some close friend some of this but get embarrassed to the fact the lack of intimacy usually starts after 10-20 years of being together ....again today is our 1 year anniversary ....

I also thought that I should start acting the same way she does....but two things will happen ..either she'll she the effort im not giving her (outside the bedroom)warrants some kind of compromise ....or
.... she and I will drift further apart ....


thanks to those whom finished reading this .....and more so to those wishing to give some advice ...

I wonder where today will take us ...she has the next 2 days off ....tonight will tell me alot ....

thanks again

Mike
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Old 1st September 2014, 01:10 PM   #2
ronnoco
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 391
Re: Ive come here with stripes earned (advice)

Hi Mike,

Are you aware of any past issues with your wife? For example, child abuse, assault, bad upbringing, parental issues, etc?

I think a separation over the pill incident is simply a smoke screen. She's using that to justify the separation in my eyes.

There could be some underlying issue with your wife that has made her unhappy within and emotionally insecure.

Communication is the key. Have you actually talked about these issues?
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