Re: Marriage help
I am wondering if some good marriage counseling may help.
I would also just like to mention some things I have learnt. One is that for men especially, sex is very important in a marriage. If they are rejected they see it as a rejection of themselves. Sex enables men to be more open emotionally and it also helps the couple to bond together and stay close emotionally. I notice for myself that if we have sex I feel closer to my husband, and if we have been a while without sex I feel more distant. So its sort of like a vicious circle, because you go a long time with no sex, so you feel more distant, which means you feel less like having sex together etc, so you really need to try and get out of that negative cycle.
Another very important thing I have learnt is that you really dont actually have to always FEEL like having sex to have it. After all its not all about US is it in marriage, but about what we do for our spouses who we love and want to please. So I wonder if you could actually make a decision to have sex with your husband, say once a week, and make an effort to try and enjoy it, and even if you dont, pretend you are enjoying it for his sake. There cant be much worse than having sex with a reluctant partner who you KNOW would rather be going to sleep. Who knows, if you make that effort for him, you may actually begin to enjoy it again anyway.
Another thing is that some couples find it helpful to actually schedule a night in the week for sex. May sound a bit weird, but with children etc things can get so busy that sex can get a low priority.
Do you have date nights where you can just have some time alone without the children? If not, try and get a babysitter and go out together on a fairly regular basis. Time alone is important. If you have good relatives who can have the children, why not have an occasional weekend away together. There are also many good marriage weekends or marriage courses that are very helpful as well. Google 'marriage courses' or 'marriage weekends' or 'marriage enrichment' and you will finds that several come up.
Have you read a book called 'The Five love languages?' Its by Gary Chapman and I think you may both find it very useful. Its not about sex, but about each finding out what each other love languages are, and making an effort to love our spouses in those ways.
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