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Old 3rd August 2014, 03:20 AM   #1
Emjay
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1
Exclamation Need help re sex!

Hi, my name is Emma and I'm new here!
Warning: Long post! Sorry!
My hubby and I haven't had a particularly healthy sex life for a few years now but we are extremely close.
We always used to have a great sex life but with my fibromyalgia and a large family it hasn't been top priority.
However, my libido has increased over the last 6 months and I've been more than happy to make love.
My hubby used to mostly be the initiator and that is something I enjoy.
He hasn't been that bothered so I haven't forced the issue more, I would say we were having sex only once per month.
We recently took a trip to lake como in Italy for a friends wedding.
And here is what happened:
While I was asleep one night he overheard a friend and her husband making love as we all had our hotel balcony doors open. Apparently he heard a lot and it went on for some time!
At the time I had no idea as I was asleep! I found out in the morning when I woke up.
The following morning while getting ready for the wedding, I was getting dressed after my shower and so my hubby jumped in.... All of a sudden I heard him call me to say he needed me, as I opened the door he then said in desperation that he needed me to sort him out. He did things to me he normally isn't interested in but I liked and then we made love, which only satisfied him.
I enjoyed it and thought things were now going to improve.
Nothing then happened over the next few days, but I felt a little bit used and couldn't get it out of my mind, you could say that thinking about our encounter left me wanting more!
Once home one morning we were snuggling up un bed and again touching was initiated but before anything could really happen he had already finished. He appeared to think it was funny. However I did not!
I have been more than willing to make love again! He has not.
So my issue is this.... I feel terribly hurt and angry.
He was obviously majorly turned on by what he heard in Italy and not by me, he obviously used me.
I have tried to discuss the issue with him but he just gets angry with me!
He hasn't touched me at all, he has no interest at all.
I'd just like to say that my hubby is at home and is with me 24/7 so could not be cheating.
I know before when we weren't having sex he would relieve himself but he claims he hasn't even been doing that!
I'm so hurt, I want him to want me sexually but I also don't want to always be wondering if he's thinking about listening to others and imagining what they are getting up to in the bedroom!
I can't seem to find a way of discussing it without him getting angry!
I am constantly thinking about it now and it affecting the way I feel about him.
I'm so sorry it's such a long post but in desperation I needed to off load.
Emma
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Old 3rd August 2014, 08:32 AM   #2
Raymond
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: Need help re sex!

You have highlighted a point which is very genuine Emjay. Us men can get excited by the wrong things which makes the sex not about relationship but about something else. I am very careful about that and keep telling myself it is about us not about what is happening elsewhere. I think that is very important.

The extreme of course is those who watch porn (mental adultery) which can be fatal for a marriage. I trust he is not in that bracket.

Personally I don't think it is right to relieve oneself on your own when you have a spouse that is open sexually to you so it is good that he is not doing that. Sex should always be about our spouses.

Some say one needs to stir the gift up by watching films and reading spicy novels etc. but I believe that is fraught with dangers.

We cannot fix your husband but he obviously has a sexual drive that possibly can be diverted.

Maybe you can discuss these things and try things together that you are both comfortable with. The trouble with men is that they can separate sex from relationship and it can take self discipline sometimes to use the gift as it was meant to be used i.e. within relationship.

It does help if one's bedroom is kept exciting and dare I say erotic so that there is no need for any outside stimulation.
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