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Old 7th March 2008, 07:23 PM   #16
clockwork orange
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Re: asking for your prayers

Too right Raymond. That said, giving up the other was possibly the hardest thing I have ever had to do. What finally did it was God showing me how it was never a true friendship at all and using the other to break my heart. I'm not sure I would have been able to break away on my own because it was a highly addictive relationship. I am still going through the withdrawal symptoms. In the end it was quite literally let God do His thing or I was going to die. I have not seen the other for almost a month now and still have weepy spells and so on. But I know that I have done what was right and that God will honour that.
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Old 7th March 2008, 07:45 PM   #17
hurt and confused
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Re: asking for your prayers

I agree with what you say Raymond. I realize that this is completly out of my hands and only she can make the decision on what she is going to do. I have felt like God has answered my prayers by bringing us through this program at the church. I just really struggle with trusting that she is going to be strong enough to follow the signs that God has put in front of her. Especially since i don't really think she wants to give up the other guy right now. As i said, i know it is ultimately her decision on what she does. Unfortunately that does not help me get through this or satisfy my feelings of discomfort at this time. I will continue to pray that she can find some peace within herself so that she can turn away from this instant gratification that she is receiving for all the wrong reasons and start seeing reality again. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.
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Old 11th March 2008, 06:02 PM   #18
Raymond
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Re: asking for your prayers

You are so open about your failings Clockwork. I am sure that you are an encouragement to HC. It's a shame you cannot talk directly to Mrs HC. We all have our weaknesses and the enemy knows them full well. If we indulge them for a period of time a stronghold will be built up which we cannot afford. You are fighting your way out. I pray you come into complete victory which has already been won for us at the cross.

HC it appears that Mrs has this weakness. I imagine that she was alright most of the time and then was tested and gave in. Everything now depends on her will in the sense of does she want to stop it or not? If she really does then it will be a battle, but the rewards will be great. If she doesn't then I don't see much hope as God never forces us. He will wait until she wants to be delivered from it. If she is double minded it could go on for years.

Your bit is to make the marriage as good as possible. Although she is in the wrong it is a good time for you to ask if there are ways to make a better marriage. Sometimes the husband makes the opening (not to justify it) because of a lack of understanding or love in some areas. This doesn't mean you should get all introspective it just means you look at the marriage and the way you are in it. The scripture says dwell with them with understanding. Who can understand a woman? But we have to try. What is she actually looking for that you cannot give her? If it is just the excitement of breaking the rules or forbidden fruit tastes better then there is not much you can do about it except to pray which you are doing.

Do you know what her love language is. You may love her but are you speaking the language where she will perceive it.

Just questions and seeking. We have to try something.

Raymond

Last edited by Raymond; 11th March 2008 at 06:23 PM.
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Old 12th March 2008, 06:16 PM   #19
hurt and confused
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Re: asking for your prayers

Thank you all for your support and prayers. Unfortunately she has decided that she is more interested in the short term feelings she is getting from the newer relationship. I have tried all that i can and have been walked all over for the past 8 months. I really felt that God had given me the strength to do this. As you said Raymond, i know that God has given her the signs, she just has refused to see them for what they are worth. We have been going to the enrich course with our pastor at the church and i have discovered a lot about myself and feel i am a better person for doing this. She has continued to lie to me, herself, and the pastor about what is really going on. She has said she will give up the other to give our marriage a chance only to see her leave with him 2 days later for the weekend. I have decided that i am going to divorce her, so i can put my kids and myself in a better situation and try to pick up all the pieces from the mess she has put us in. I will continue to pray for her and hope that she will one day be able to find the inner peace to feel comfortable enough with her own self so she does not keep making such bad decisions which are being satisfied with false happiness. She does realize that she is not happy with her situation right now, but does not realize that she is doing it to herself. I ask that you all could keep praying for all of us, especially the kids that they will be able to cope with the feelings that no doubt will destroy them inside.
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Old 12th March 2008, 08:28 PM   #20
Raymond
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Re: asking for your prayers

It is very sad. I am amazed at her brazeness in this. I find it incredible. You have to go on though. You will need all the strength and comfort you can get. You have shown such patience to have it all thrown in your face. I expect you will still see her because of your shared interest in the children. I really hope and pray that it works out for you and that the children do not suffer too much in this. Marriage is supposed to be for keeps but you have been betrayed. I know you will not be bitter and are able to forgive but you will be needing God's healing in all this. In a way you will be better off without her as you cannot live with an adultrous woman who is betraying you under your nose. My hope is that you will eventually meet the right person as the innocent party in all this.

God bless you.

Raymond
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Old 13th March 2008, 01:18 PM   #21
hurt and confused
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Re: asking for your prayers

Thank you for the kind words Raymond. I don't really even know what to think any more. I am so sad. I really thought that this was going to be forever. For the first 12 years, there were no signs that this would ever be a possibility. Obviously there was something lacking in the relationship for her, or we wouldn't be dealing with this. I just really wish that this could have turned out different. I just really hope that God will give me the strength and wisdom to help me and my children deal with this awful situation. I also hope that she will find peace within herself, because i truly do love her and want to see her happy. Thank you again for all of your support.
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Old 13th March 2008, 01:40 PM   #22
Micou
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Re: asking for your prayers

HC am so sorry that things have turned out this way. You and your children are always in my prayers, as well as your wife.

I think it is incredible that you have tolerated her bad attitude for so long. Words defy me right now.

Praying and thinking of you.

Mic
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Old 14th March 2008, 08:09 PM   #23
hurt and confused
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Re: asking for your prayers

I am very sorry too. It certainly is going to be a long painful road. I appreciate that we are all in your prayers. We certainly will need all the support we can get from every source. I am really speachless as well. I don't even know what to think. I called his ex W today to find out what kind of person he was (seeing he was probably going to be around my kids) of course she immediately called him. That didn't go over well with my W. Not that it really changed anything, but just really ticked her off a little more. I don't feel bad about it though. I thought it was the responsible thing to do.
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Old 16th March 2008, 05:35 AM   #24
hurt and confused
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Re: asking for your prayers

Well, yesterday when she came home from work she immediately started packing a bag for the weekend. I asked her if there was any way she would consider trying to make things work and she said no. She said that she was all ready to give him up and try to make things work, but i would never stop talking to her about trying to fix things, so she figured that she did not have to give him up. I asked if this is what she really wanted and she said yes, so i handed her the divorce papers. There was no reaction at all from her. She is so emotionally detached, that it doesn't even phase her. I told her that this is not what i wanted, but i can not keep sitting around and letting her destroy our family and hurt our kids. I told her that i would love to work things out with her, but i did this because it is what she wanted. She said believe it or not she really did try. I thought back about all the things that have occured over the last 8 months, just to realize that she never did try. She couldn't even give him up for a week when we took a trip out of the country (had to call and charge it to our cc) She left and immediately called him. I know i have done the right thing for my kids by giving her divorce papers, but it does not make me feel any better. I just wish that i could have done something to bring back the woman and mother that i have known and loved for so long now. I hate to think about what the future holds for all of us emotionally. I know in the immediate future it will be better than it has been, but long term, it is really going to suck!! Again, i would ask that you keep all of us in your prayers. Thank you all for all of the support and kind words. I will always be thankful to all of you for supporting me and my family through this miserable occurance.
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Old 17th March 2008, 01:09 PM   #25
Micou
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Re: asking for your prayers

HC, I've come back to your thread several times today trying to find the right words to say - am sorry that I have failed hopelessly in that regard.

You and your family are still in my prayers. I believe that you did the right thing in handing her the divorce papers - after all, how can you go on living like this? A decision had to be made one way or the other. It is just so very sad that it wasn't a decision to reconcile and pick up the pieces and rebuild.

I think you're an incredible guy for having tolerated her behaviour for so long. You're certainly an example to me, as I guess I would have bailed out of the marriage a long time ago.
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Old 17th March 2008, 01:47 PM   #26
hurt and confused
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Re: asking for your prayers

Now i really need help. She came home last night and i asked her when we were going to talk to the kids. She said when we figure everything out. After a long discussion, i had told her that all she ever needed to do was to give up on this guy and try to make things work with us and we could have repaired the damage. She said that she did not think that she could give him up because there is just something about him. I told her that it was just all of the escape that he provides to her and takes her away from all the reality of life. She said that she did not like the thought of it being over, but thinks that there has been too much damage done to repair our relationship. At the end of the conversation she said that she would try to make things work and she would tell him that she is going to do that. I just really have a hard time believing that she will really tell him that when she faces him. I feel that she just doesn't like the thought of the actual divorce process and was scared to commit to it, so she was buying more time. I don't know if i keep on with the divorce process, or if i really believe her that she will give it a try. She still did not seem over confident about thinking things will work, just maybe that she did not want to face the kids or any kind of reality yet. Any thoughts??
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Old 17th March 2008, 02:41 PM   #27
Micou
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Re: asking for your prayers

My thought is this - is there any reason why she actually has to FACE the guy to say that she wants to end it with him and repair her marriage? Is there no reason why she can't call him up (in your presence) and let him know that they have to end it, because she wants to commit to her family? Personally, that's how I would prefer it, because I wouldn't them to be alone talking about this. It would prove a lot to me I guess. That's just me though.

If she is committing to you, then she really has a lot of work to do - of course you already know that. It's going to be a long rocky road. I just find it so unreal that someone could put another person through so much pain - knowingly! It's too cruel!
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Old 17th March 2008, 04:02 PM   #28
hurt and confused
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Re: asking for your prayers

She will not do it in front of me. Like i stated, i am not really sure that this is what she really wants. I think she just feels like she should try it. Who knows, she might just come home today and say that she could not let him go. I do not believe that she really feels in her heart right now that she wants things to work with us. I think she is just really afraid of facing the reality of it being over. She has had the best of both worlds for the last 8 months and it is crunch time now. It shouldn't be too long before i finally have a direction to move in. I really want to believe that she will give it an honest try, but i will have to see it to believe it. Especially after some of her comments last night. It is very apparent that she is not ready to give him up yet. I just hope that maybe God will work a miracle here and tweak some wires in her head to make her really see what she is potentially losing.
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Old 17th March 2008, 07:07 PM   #29
Raymond
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Re: asking for your prayers

I think Micou is right. You cannot mess around with temptation. One more look or being alone with him and everything could be back on with him. What I am troubled about is how you are not angry. I am not talking about the wrong kind of destructive anger but a right anger. She rightly belongs to you. I sense perhaps that there is a passivity where maybe you need a bit of boldness. Just a thought.

Raymond
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Old 17th March 2008, 08:40 PM   #30
hurt and confused
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Re: asking for your prayers

You are correct about the temptation. Please don't think that i am not angry, because i really am. The only thing that gets me with her is a divorce at this point though. She is really not taking well to me demanding that she does not see him. I am a pretty passive person for the most part, but i have stood up for myself at certain points. I do realize that the next stand i take is ending the relationship, and that is something that i am just having a hard time accepting when i think that there might just be a little hope. Although, it could also be her playing on my feelings because she knows that she can. I will find out, if she really told him that she wants to work on it with me. If not, then i am just going to have to go through with the divorce and move ahead for the betterment of myself and my children. Thanks for the suggestions.
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