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5th September 2013, 12:08 AM
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#331
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 228
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Re: Husband has left!
That's the nicest thing I've heard for a long time. I will pray for you both. As I said to Raymond , and I'm sure he will forgive me this , I'm not sure who or what the higher power is. But I hope your light shines brightest tomorrow x
__________________
Barry
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5th September 2013, 04:43 AM
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#332
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
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Re: Husband has left!
Of course it natural puglove, its a very important time for you.
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5th September 2013, 10:16 AM
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#333
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Guest
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Re: Husband has left!
D day!!! I have today and tomorrow off work and I'm excited/scared/nervous/worried about it!
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5th September 2013, 10:34 AM
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#334
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
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Re: Husband has left!
We will be thinking of you and praying.
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5th September 2013, 11:05 AM
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#335
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 391
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Re: Husband has left!
Good luck for today!
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5th September 2013, 09:18 PM
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#336
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Guest
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Re: Husband has left!
Well.... It didn't go well. He turned up and said "I think we should both go through one solicitor..." Needless to say I wasn't happy. I asked him if he really wanted to go through with this he needed to tell me why, what have I done? He continued to spew the same balls as before "he couldn't live with me because of how I was." My reply was "I was grieving for my dad, why can't you see that? You have never lost anyone! The only person you will lose is me and that's your choice!" I told him if he divorces me I will not be his friend etc and apparently that's "my choice," I then asked why won't he just come home and try? After all it was less than a year ago he stood up and declared he would stick with me through the good and the bad then he left me! He left me! He then tried blaming my mum again which I dismissed as nonsense because he is married to me not hurt. I said at the end if the day I love him with all my heart and u can't give up on us that easy.
He then burst into tears and cried like I have never heard him cry before. He said he found this so upsetting, that he didn't want to be doing this but he couldn't cope with another year if arguing and he feels we are at the point of divorce, he doesn't hate me, he still cares for me. I have said why not just try coming back home? As life will be lovely and you are throwing everything away. He is just insisting that my family hate him (they don't) that it would be too terrible to try and that's it. He then left after crying for a good 45 mins saying "we can meet in two weeks?" I said why? He said to discuss divorce and moving forward so I can find a man who will be there for me and we can move forward.
I said I don't want a divorce, if you want one then you file for it. What about our stuff? I've told him to go through the courts. He said he doesn't want to.
So anyway. I'm gutted
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5th September 2013, 09:43 PM
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#337
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
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Re: Husband has left!
Puglove I am so sorry that it didn't go well.
To be honest, if he has made his mind up, I cant see any advantage of meeting again, because it just upsets you and achieves nothing.
I think the ball is in his court now. If he wants to divorce you, then let him do that himself with no further input from you. There is no need to meet or have any communication now.
Do it all through the solicitors. I am sad that divorce seems to be so easy there, with no one needing to cite any reason nor any way you can stop or delay it.
I am helping a young lady whose fairly new marriage is also ending, and at least you, like her, have no children and are both young enough to meet someone else. No comfort now I know, but there is life after divorce.
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5th September 2013, 09:57 PM
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#338
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Guest
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Re: Husband has left!
I know. I don't understand all the tears...all the pain. Why is he doing this to himself for no real reason????!!!
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5th September 2013, 10:01 PM
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#339
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 228
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Re: Husband has left!
So sorry Jo , that must have been such a hard thing to go through. Your one tough lady.
I'm very very aware of how hurtful this is. I'm aware also that trying to give false hope is pointless and also damaging in the long run.
My wife and I have not yet mentioned divorce, but it did seem our relationship was dead and buried.
There is always hope , however slender , but now give him what he says he wants , go along with it even if it hurts like hell. I say do this because its the only way you will take control of the situation, for your benefit, but also it is the only way I can see that might actually set him to wondering what the heck is going on !! Let him see your strong, let him see you growing, I'm betting he won't like it. Not one bit.
I'm thinking of you , hope your ok
__________________
Barry
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5th September 2013, 10:05 PM
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#340
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 228
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Re: Husband has left!
The tears are probably real. I'm sure he hurts too. You may not understand why he hurts. I really don't believe there are many people in this world that really don't care.
__________________
Barry
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5th September 2013, 10:07 PM
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#341
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 391
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Re: Husband has left!
Sorry it didn't go well but don't accept what he is saying about it being your fault or your mums fault. Like you say yourself, you marry someone for better or worse and just like I said to you weeks ago, he should have been your rock during this traumatic time. If the coin was flipped, would you have behaved like him?
You've begged him to give it another go, he clearly doesn't feel the same. You've done your absolute best, there's nothing more you can do.
I know it sounds like he isn't sure, maybe he isn't but you have to listen to what he is saying and look at how he is acting and more important how he is treating you. He has given you weeks if not months of mental torture. You deserve so much better!
What you need to do now is absolutely no contact unless there is a question that needs answering about the house/divorce. The divorce wont be a quick thing so don't even worry about it.
You don't have to give up hope immediately, it's ok to believe you may get back together but you must focus on yourself right now and start moving on with you life.
I have a strong suspicion that as time goes on, he will feel like a totally different person to you and you wont actually want him back.
Nothing anyone will tell you will make you feel any better but you're 25, intelligent and a decent caring person...whatever happens, everything will be ok.
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5th September 2013, 10:42 PM
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#342
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Guest
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Re: Husband has left!
Thank you guys. He said he didn't want to have a year of arguing etc. basically he just wants out but for his own reasons. I told him how much he has hurt me and how selfish he has been as he doesn't care about anyone but himself. I'm broken.
Monday is my wedding anniversary...I just feel so.....I can't even put into words. He clearly cares etc but is just...afraid to try or something!
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5th September 2013, 10:48 PM
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#343
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Guest
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Re: Husband has left!
He also doesn't want to file the divorce before meeting me again . Why???!!! He seems to think i should make it easy for him!!
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5th September 2013, 11:00 PM
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#344
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
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Re: Husband has left!
I think you need to stop letting HIM say what HE wants, and start deciding what YOU want. Say that if he wants to divorce you then he needs to do it. Period. There is no need to see you again in 2 weeks or whatever. He wants to do it so he needs to get on with it.
Puglove do you have a solicitor/lawyer? If not, please get one, and sign up with him/her. Then you can give your husband their name and address, and ask that any matters about the divorce are sent to him/her. Take control here. At least do this on YOUR terms. Not having contact is the best way forward now, and it will enable you to move on more quickly.
If he knows that the only contact you want is if he changes his mind, then hopefully he will leave you alone to heal. If he doesn't, then block his calls and emails. Its not going to help you to keep seeing him if there is no hope of him coming back.
Last edited by chosen; 6th September 2013 at 04:41 AM.
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6th September 2013, 10:35 AM
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#345
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Guest
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Re: Husband has left!
I just don't want to give up...he can file for it as of Monday! He doesn't want to though. He said last night I hurt him so he was afraid to come back. He was crying so much... I truly believe he is immature and doesn't really want to do this but doesn't know what to do! I don't know what to do...
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