Oh no...oh no...

[notDoneYet]

Originally Posted by ralfgarnett

Well done mate I'm proud of you, I know you probably know this already so forgive me if I am stating the obvious, but always make sure that everything you cook has been cooled right back down to being fully cold before freezing, so many people don't do this and the consequences can be very serious.

Yea, I know but cheers for reminding me.

Thing is. I learned from my bro that when cooking something like chilli or bolognese the best thing to do is leave it in the pot overnight (covered of course) before eating it. It always tastes much better.

And a slow cooker. Why oh why did we not use that before?

[ralfgarnett]

Originally Posted by notDoneYet

Yea, I know but cheers for reminding me.

Thing is. I learned from my bro that when cooking something like chilli or bolognese the best thing to do is leave it in the pot overnight (covered of course) before eating it. It always tastes much better.

And a slow cooker. Why oh why did we not use that before?

Well done mate sounds like your learning a lot in a short period of time, I'm very impressed mate, I have always said that if you know how to cook no matter your circumstances then you will never starve, when I met WW she was an average cook but she used to watch and learn from me and up to the point of leaving I thought she had become an excellent cook and I was very proud of her, she also taught herself to bake, not something I ever mastered but she was also a fabulous baker making great cakes and bread, we ate really well and worked really well together just another aspect of our marriage that I really miss.

[Lindentree1]

Originally Posted by ralfgarnett

So LDT was yesterday the anniversary of living alone same as mine on July 9th ?, if so how did iy honestly go ?. the reason I ask is because I had a pretty bad day as I think I may of blogged at the time, well done you for cooking properly I have felt the same as you but more recently I have started cooking properly more frequently, your dish sounds divine I googled it.

NDY well done with the cooking yourself mate, it is a really worthwhile thing to do, I started cooking around the age of 18 or so because I was interested in trying new things, my mum was a bit insulted at first because she thought I was sunbbing hercooking but it was far from the case she was a very good but traditional cook.

Also, if things are packed for 2 or 4 have you got a freezer where you could keep them either raw ready to be cooked ?, or you could cook certain dishes in big batches and then freeze them, just a suggestion mate.

Hi Ralf,

Well, the one year anniversary of my moving out is August 2nd. So it's coming up. of course he led me on after that, but he told me there was no chance on March 19th of this year. Now he's wanting to get the D settled. I told him I'd get back to him. I know he's going to start bugging me again. But he can just wait for now. I'm not up to dealing with him yet. I know it's coming, but I want to be stronger when it does.

[Lindentree1]

Originally Posted by notDoneYet

Yea, I know but cheers for reminding me.

Thing is. I learned from my bro that when cooking something like chilli or bolognese the best thing to do is leave it in the pot overnight (covered of course) before eating it. It always tastes much better.

And a slow cooker. Why oh why did we not use that before?

Oh, I love the slow cooker! One of my favorite things is to make soup in the slow cooker. The whole place smells amazing when you cook that way.

[ralfgarnett]

Originally Posted by Lindentree1

Hi Ralf,

Well, the one year anniversary of my moving out is August 2nd. So it's coming up. of course he led me on after that, but he told me there was no chance on March 19th of this year. Now he's wanting to get the D settled. I told him I'd get back to him. I know he's going to start bugging me again. But he can just wait for now. I'm not up to dealing with him yet. I know it's coming, but I want to be stronger when it does.

I think your very wise LDT, take it in your own time if you don't feel up to dealing with at the moment then don't, and if he tries to pressure this would make him a bully and you should tell him so, I feel the same over certain aspects of my situation and I refuse flatly to be rushed in to doing anything, your are perfectly correct in taking the stance that you are doing.

[ralfgarnett]

Hi LDT as with our Caledonian chum NDY I am just checking in to see how your are and if there is any developments in your situation ?, all very quiet here nowt to report or shout about, just awaiting more tests and scans then hopefully can start to get back to normal, it's frustrating because I can see and hear aircraft going in and out of Manchester airport all the time and one day soon it would be nice to be on one of them, are you close to Chicago O'Hare ?, you also mentioned previously about taking a trip to the sea side, have you any plans for that yet ?, where would you like to go to ?, would you fly, drive, or take the train ?, also do you have any concerns regarding travelling alone or would you go with a friend ?, sorry about all the questions I don't mean to intrude, it's just that I have always been interested in how people live their lives around the world as far back as I can remember I used to love listening to the late Alistair Cooke's letter from America every Saturday morning on BBC Radio 4, and as your in the USA it is really nice to be able to talk to you from across the pond and to hear your slant on things it's almost a kind of escapeism and I would be delighted to answer any questions you might like to ask regarding life in the UK so always feel free to ask, and of course I am one of your on-line big brothers .

[Lindentree1]

Hi Ralf,

Sorry I didn't get back to you sooner. I had appointments yesterday. My WH emailed me this week asking about where the D is going. I think next week I have to consult a lawyer. Where I am you can take two years to divorce, but since I had replied to him in the beginning I don't know if I can delay it. It's kind of complicated but a lawyer will be able to answer my question. If the two year thing holds for me it will be a year before we can divorce. I don't expect to win him back in that time but I will not make this easy for him and this is part of that. It is just desserts in my mind. He has done and said some cruel things and if I can delay him I will do it. Part of me says it's over and I should not be petty and move on. And part of me says I need time to heal and why shouldn't I take this time if I have it? But like I said earlier, since I replied to him with a lawyer in the beginning I don't know if the two year wait applies to me. Only a lawyer can give me that answer, and I will contact her soon.

Last night I dreamed we got back together. I hate those dreams. Waking up to a cruel reality is not fun.


I'm taking Buddy to the vet next week. I don't know if he will need surgery. If he does, there will be no travel plans. I will find out soon.

I hope you are doing better. I am going to leave you a message on your thread, friend.

P.S.--Yes, the airport is not far from me.

[ralfgarnett]

"Last night I dreamed we got back together. I hate those dreams. Waking up to a cruel reality is not fun."

Yip I had that dream too last night, I could see her clear as daylight hanging washing on the line, I used to get one of the kittys in my arms and knock on the window and wave one of their little paws at her, she used to love that and I can still see the love and happiness in her adorable smile, and knowing that smile was for us meant the world to me, now it is gone forever, even I cant muster a smile anymore, I want to cry, she has been on my mind all afternoon since I had a chat with my mate Tony Poloni over the road, he said again today I cant believe even now that she isn't around, you were the perfect couple, yes I said me too, mais ces't la vie d'accord.

[Lindentree1]

I got an email from WH saying it wasn't easy for me to leave a marriage of 13 years, but it wasn't easy for him, either. He said we have to go on with the process and he will contact me again next month to start the discussion again. I think he's going on vacation as we always vacationed in August.

For him to tell me this was difficult when he dismantled our marriage and then led me on later? It opened up the floodgates. I wrote an email telling him everything I've wanted to say for months. I got it all off my chest, crying as I wrote it all. And you know what? I'm happy I did. I'm glad I let it all out. I've wanted to say all of this for so long, and I feel like I released a lot this way. I wasn't as eloquent as I wanted to be because I was angry he'd have the nerve to tell me how this wasn't "easy" for him, but I still said everything I needed to say. Now I'm done. No more regret about what I didn't say.

I'll see a lawyer next month. I want to know if I can legally wait to get divorced, or if I have to do it now. If I can stretch it out, I will. He does not deserve anything to be easy for him. Let him do the heavy lifting, as we always say.

I'm so glad I said my piece. Now on to living!!!

[ralfgarnett]

Originally Posted by Lindentree1

I got an email from WH saying it wasn't easy for me to leave a marriage of 13 years, but it wasn't easy for him, either. He said we have to go on with the process and he will contact me again next month to start the discussion again. I think he's going on vacation as we always vacationed in August.

For him to tell me this was difficult when he dismantled our marriage and then led me on later? It opened up the floodgates. I wrote an email telling him everything I've wanted to say for months. I got it all off my chest, crying as I wrote it all. And you know what? I'm happy I did. I'm glad I let it all out. I've wanted to say all of this for so long, and I feel like I released a lot this way. I wasn't as eloquent as I wanted to be because I was angry he'd have the nerve to tell me how this wasn't "easy" for him, but I still said everything I needed to say. Now I'm done. No more regret about what I didn't say.

I'll see a lawyer next month. I want to know if I can legally wait to get divorced, or if I have to do it now. If I can stretch it out, I will. He does not deserve anything to be easy for him. Let him do the heavy lifting, as we always say.

I'm so glad I said my piece. Now on to living!!!

Well done too LDT, I think it must be very therapeutic to have done that, I'm proud of you, I haven't really said my piece yet, she isn't giving me the opportunity, but one day I will get my chance either with words or actions, I look forward to that day, do you feel better now ? did you really sock it to him ?, did you swear at him ?.

[Lindentree1]

Originally Posted by ralfgarnett

Well done too LDT, I think it must be very therapeutic to have done that, I'm proud of you, I haven't really said my piece yet, she isn't giving me the opportunity, but one day I will get my chance either with words or actions, I look forward to that day, do you feel better now ? did you really sock it to him ?, did you swear at him ?.

Ha, ha.

No, Ralf, I didn't swear at him. I pointed out some things he did and said at the time he left and after. I told him how I felt about those things and wondered after all those years how he could do and say some of the things he did. I even brought up the promises he made. I just needed to say so many things, and even though it's not recommended I'm glad I did. We are not getting back together--why shouldn't I be able to say what I've never said?

Yes, I feel so much better. Now I have to concentrate on the rest of my life. To really work on my goals. There are some things I want to do, and now is the perfect time.

[ralfgarnett]

Originally Posted by Lindentree1

Ha, ha.

No, Ralf, I didn't swear at him. I pointed out some things he did and said at the time he left and after. I told him how I felt about those things and wondered after all those years how he could do and say some of the things he did. I even brought up the promises he made. I just needed to say so many things, and even though it's not recommended I'm glad I did. We are not getting back together--why shouldn't I be able to say what I've never said? ?

Yes, I feel so much better. Now I have to concentrate on the rest of my life. To really work on my goals. There are some things I want to do, and now is the perfect time.

Hi LDT I'm glad you feel better it must be quite liberating, you see I have been almost totally passive and hardly had anything to say YET, when I did try to talk to her she used to have panics and because I didn't want her to have panics so I used to drop it, I think this is part of the problem in that we don't really get the chance to say to them what we want them to hear, and it causes frustration. I think your going to be fine, it's not a quick process and it's never going to be easy, but can I ask you do you have many people in your life that your close to and can confide in ?, the reason I ask is because I have no close family but around 7 or 8 people / friends that I am close to and can talk to, it snot a huge amount but better than nobody, and as our situations are similar I was wondering how your support network was ?, I hope you don't think I'm prying I am genuinely interested in your situation and how you cope with it, our old pal NDY has at least one brother I think, and he also has his mum and some friends too I am sure. whereby you and I seem a little isolated and I think it makes a difference in how one copes when the chips are down.

[Lindentree1]

Originally Posted by ralfgarnett

Hi LDT I'm glad you feel better it must be quite liberating, you see I have been almost totally passive and hardly had anything to say YET, when I did try to talk to her she used to have panics and because I didn't want her to have panics so I used to drop it, I think this is part of the problem in that we don't really get the chance to say to them what we want them to hear, and it causes frustration. I think your going to be fine, it's not a quick process and it's never going to be easy, but can I ask you do you have many people in your life that your close to and can confide in ?, the reason I ask is because I have no close family but around 7 or 8 people / friends that I am close to and can talk to, it snot a huge amount but better than nobody, and as our situations are similar I was wondering how your support network was ?, I hope you don't think I'm prying I am genuinely interested in your situation and how you cope with it, our old pal NDY has at least one brother I think, and he also has his mum and some friends too I am sure. whereby you and I seem a little isolated and I think it makes a difference in how one copes when the chips are down.

I have a few people I talk to. Most of my family is gone, but I have an aunt I keep up with and a few people that know my sitch. I have wanted to keep a lot of this to myself. I even lost some people I thought were my friends because they decided to be friends with the six figure a year hot-shot researcher (Dr. As**ole) at the prestigious University. Why be friends with little old me? People can be shallow in this town, trust me. But I still have people to talk to. To be honest, I've learned more on this forum than from people that have no clue what I am going through.

[chosen]

Originally Posted by ralfgarnett

Hi LDT I'm glad you feel better it must be quite liberating, you see I have been almost totally passive and hardly had anything to say YET, when I did try to talk to her she used to have panics and because I didn't want her to have panics so I used to drop it, I think this is part of the problem in that we don't really get the chance to say to them what we want them to hear, and it causes frustration. I think your going to be fine, it's not a quick process and it's never going to be easy, but can I ask you do you have many people in your life that your close to and can confide in ?, the reason I ask is because I have no close family but around 7 or 8 people / friends that I am close to and can talk to, it snot a huge amount but better than nobody, and as our situations are similar I was wondering how your support network was ?, I hope you don't think I'm prying I am genuinely interested in your situation and how you cope with it, our old pal NDY has at least one brother I think, and he also has his mum and some friends too I am sure. whereby you and I seem a little isolated and I think it makes a difference in how one copes when the chips are down.

ralf you can say to her all that you want to say by letter or email. It would be very theraputic as with LT. I am pretty sure that if she did ever agree to meet you, the old panic attack thing would come up again, and that is a very manipulative too for her to use. Its like saying 'I don't want to talk about that so I will bring on a panic attack so that you will stop'. Clever stuff.

MY ex did this once when I was attempting to be honest and tell him how much he had hurt us (the only time I did this), his answer back was, I feel like putting my head in the gas oven, see manipulation is very effective in stopping the other from sharing their hurts and feelings.

I think that the only way you will get to do this is by letter or email, and I honestly think you will feel better afterwards.

[Lindentree1]

Originally Posted by chosen

ralf you can say to her all that you want to say by letter or email. It would be very theraputic as with LT. I am pretty sure that if she did ever agree to meet you, the old panic attack thing would come up again, and that is a very manipulative too for her to use. Its like saying 'I don't want to talk about that so I will bring on a panic attack so that you will stop'. Clever stuff.

MY ex did this once when I was attempting to be honest and tell him how much he had hurt us (the only time I did this), his answer back was, I feel like putting my head in the gas oven, see manipulation is very effective in stopping the other from sharing their hurts and feelings.

I think that the only way you will get to do this is by letter or email, and I honestly think you will feel better afterwards.

So true. The use of manipulation can be very strong. I could even see my WH manipulating me today. He thought if he said it was hard for him as well he could tug at my heartstrings and get me to do what he wanted. He wasn't telling the truth. The only thing that is hard for him is that I am not cooperating at this time. That's why I let loose with the email. He doesn't think much of my intelligence, I guess. He should know better than to bs me.