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Old 4th March 2015, 10:33 AM   #61
chosen
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Re: Is it normal to feel so down ?

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Originally Posted by notDoneYet View Post
Ralf. Do what N6 says mate. Just
Dial the number. For me mate. We've come so far buddy.
Thankfully ralf has phoned the samaritans before, and he also has his priest to go to which has helped.
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Old 4th March 2015, 11:07 AM   #62
ralfgarnett
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Re: Is it normal to feel so down ?

I didn't ring anyone I took my tablets and went to bed pulled the duvet over my head and cried myself to sleep, but yes I have rang the Samaritans many times and will again if I need to and will also ring the other number that NDY very kindly gave me, I didn't want to get up today for the first time since bomb day I really just didn't want to get up but the kittys needed their breakfast and I need to earn a living, I am very very unhappy and feel so sad but I am still here and havig a coffee and slice of toast, thank you all for being there and for caring about me a total cyber stranger I want to get well and strong but I don't know how to, every thought I have somehow comes back down to my WAW I miss her I know this is not her normal behaviour I just pray that god is kind to us and lets us re-connect, this is my prayer please god hear my prayer.
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Old 4th March 2015, 05:06 PM   #63
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Re: Is it normal to feel so down ?

Ps, thanks for that number NDY but its only available in Scotland, unfortunately I live in Northern England but our equivalent is the Samaritans whom I am familiar with, shame about the other service it would be useful to have an alternative source of support that might of given a different slant on things but thanks again mate, I hope this evening will be better than yesterday evening I could feel myelf heading to a very dark place and I don't mean hiding under my duvet,
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Old 4th March 2015, 06:30 PM   #64
chosen
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Re: Is it normal to feel so down ?

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Originally Posted by ralfgarnett View Post
Ps, thanks for that number NDY but its only available in Scotland, unfortunately I live in Northern England but our equivalent is the Samaritans whom I am familiar with, shame about the other service it would be useful to have an alternative source of support that might of given a different slant on things but thanks again mate, I hope this evening will be better than yesterday evening I could feel myelf heading to a very dark place and I don't mean hiding under my duvet,

If you feel low, dont allow yourself to dwell on it, watch something on tv or read a good book or go for a walk.
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Old 5th March 2015, 06:59 PM   #65
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Re: Is it normal to feel so down ?

Hey ralf. Try reading this. Simple but effective.
http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/help-...mental-health/
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Old 5th March 2015, 08:48 PM   #66
ralfgarnett
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Re: Is it normal to feel so down ?

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Originally Posted by notDoneYet View Post
Hey ralf. Try reading this. Simple but effective.
http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/help-...mental-health/
yep all makes good sense, bit of a mute point with me though as I recently bought a new bike and also intended taking up bowling again this summer, however after seeing my rheumatoid arthritis specialist a few weeks ago I asked him if I could do those things but he said that my knee is in such a state that he doesn't think it would be a good idea for me to do them, must admit I was very disappointed as I was looking forwards to it, however I can go swimming and can walk as much as I want or my knee permits me to.
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Old 5th March 2015, 09:05 PM   #67
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Re: Is it normal to feel so down ?

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Originally Posted by ralfgarnett View Post
yep all makes good sense, bit of a mute point with me though as I recently bought a new bike and also intended taking up bowling again this summer, however after seeing my rheumatoid arthritis specialist a few weeks ago I asked him if I could do those things but he said that my knee is in such a state that he doesn't think it would be a good idea for me to do them, must admit I was very disappointed as I was looking forwards to it, however I can go swimming and can walk as much as I want or my knee permits me to.
At least you're getting exercise. I found that so beneficial.
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Old 5th March 2015, 10:20 PM   #68
chosen
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Re: Is it normal to feel so down ?

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Originally Posted by ralfgarnett View Post
yep all makes good sense, bit of a mute point with me though as I recently bought a new bike and also intended taking up bowling again this summer, however after seeing my rheumatoid arthritis specialist a few weeks ago I asked him if I could do those things but he said that my knee is in such a state that he doesn't think it would be a good idea for me to do them, must admit I was very disappointed as I was looking forwards to it, however I can go swimming and can walk as much as I want or my knee permits me to.
Can you have a knee replacement if its that bad? Swimming is good for joints.
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Old 5th March 2015, 10:44 PM   #69
ralfgarnett
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Re: Is it normal to feel so down ?

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Can you have a knee replacement if its that bad? Swimming is good for joints.
I could but they think im a bit too young and should hold it off as long as I can in case I need to have another one done in a few years time, plus this new specialist doesn't know exactly whats wrong with me he wants me back in July to take a lokk inside my knee, not looking forward to that.
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Old 6th March 2015, 11:58 AM   #70
ralfgarnett
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Re: Is it normal to feel so down ?

I still feel very down, I cant seem to shake of this feeling of lethargy and panic, I thought after 7 months it might of been a bit easier but I just feel stuck in the same spot, I have memories wizzing round my head of all sorts of aspects of our life together from the very early days, our wedding day, our days out, our trips abroad, first dates, family days etc etc, yesterday I emailed her with garbled memories of love and good times and how much I miss her, needless to say I have had no reply and I'm not expecting one, I just want it all to end how long can one person just carry on feeling so desolate and lost lonely afraid but so empty, I feel worthless and meaningless almost as if I don't exist in anyones life or eyes apart from my own, when I look in a mirror I don't really like what I see, I look totally washed out, my eyes are dull and have rings around them, I need a shave and a haircut but im feeling to lethargic to do that, I need to hoover top and bottom yet again too lethargic to do that, I wish I could pull myself together and make or feel some improvement I just miss her so much I am sure this has damaged me, I miss my previous life which I loved but hate this current life its gruelling, please god if you can hear me or read my thoughts please please help me and show me the way forward in to reconciliation with my wife, she is a good person that has become lost in life please dear god please help me and bring us back together I know we can be happy yes after this amount of time we would need to work on things but that's an investment worth making, please god hear my prayer and give us a second chance to be a married couple again I know she left and I feel hurt but I do still love her and I have loved her for nearly 20 years that's nearly 7,300 days, please dear god hear my pleas and re-unite us as man and wife amen.
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Old 6th March 2015, 02:32 PM   #71
chosen
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Re: Is it normal to feel so down ?

rafl you are stuck and until you accept that she is in the past you will never move on. Acceptance is a large part of grieving and healing.The more you allow yourself to think of her and the past, the longer it will take for you to get past this.
I really think that 2 weeks away maybe in malta will help you. Get some sun, see different people and have a change of scenery. YOu will see things in a whole new light.
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Old 6th March 2015, 03:25 PM   #72
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Re: Is it normal to feel so down ?

hi chosen I wish I knew how to accept but I cant comprehend it, I cant go to Malta yet there are just too many memories and I am genuinely scared of where my feelings would take me and I mean scared, maybe when I feel a bit stronger but not yet its too painful to even consider it.
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Old 6th March 2015, 08:16 PM   #73
chosen
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Re: Is it normal to feel so down ?

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hi chosen I wish I knew how to accept but I cant comprehend it, I cant go to Malta yet there are just too many memories and I am genuinely scared of where my feelings would take me and I mean scared, maybe when I feel a bit stronger but not yet its too painful to even consider it.
How is it more painful than being in the home that you shared? Hey have you thought of moving?That may be a good thing to do to help you move on, new house new area etc?
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Old 6th March 2015, 09:25 PM   #74
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Re: Is it normal to feel so down ?

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Originally Posted by notDoneYet View Post
At least you're getting exercise. I found that so beneficial.
Quote:
Originally Posted by chosen View Post
rafl you are stuck and until you accept that she is in the past you will never move on. Acceptance is a large part of grieving and healing.The more you allow yourself to think of her and the past, the longer it will take for you to get past this.
I really think that 2 weeks away maybe in malta will help you. Get some sun, see different people and have a change of scenery. YOu will see things in a whole new light.
Ralf, I agree with chosen here, you are focusing too much on the past which is completely natural but all it does it rake up the feelings and memories that make you feel so unhappy. I can really relate to that though because I have a feeling that i am going to be right there alongside you very soon. Because I am so early on in my struggles and I am still at home with my OH so have contact with her all the time especially as we work together too, but I know that the time is coming when she will go her separate way and I am genuinely terrified of how i will deal with that. It is not something that I wish to deal with and I'm sure that i don't quite believe it yet. I am going to find it incredibly difficult to deal with but i am trying to mentally prepare myself for that day already. I am not sure that I am doing the right thing staying so close to her at the moment when she doesn't want me around her because it perhaps is just giving me false hope that we will work things out even though she tells me that we wont and that she doesn't want to .... its heart breaking every day and each time i see her. Other people wont realise the small things that we all take for granted each and every day like holding her hand or a cuddle in bed (we are still sleeping in the same bed albeit on separate sides and no contact) or just telling her that I love her. When I wake next to her, for one split second I think its a bad dream and that everything is okay but then it hits me like a sledgehammer each and every morning.

I have re-joined a local gym and I am trying to get out and exercise to take my mind of things and I can really say it helps, so i would definitely recommend it if you can. If you have injuries that stop you doing physical activity have you tried golf?, If you have never tried it, you will find it is great for fresh air, exercise and meeting up with other people and socialising. That's what i do for a job and I see so many people that only play for the social aspect, they are not particularly good at it but they love playing with and meeting different people. The support network from other club members at the clubs is amazing too when things go wrong for people with illnesses and death they have so many people that just offer help and support you are never truly alone at a golf club.
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Old 8th March 2015, 12:35 PM   #75
ralfgarnett
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Re: Is it normal to feel so down ?

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How is it more painful than being in the home that you shared? Hey have you thought of moving?That may be a good thing to do to help you move on, new house new area etc?
I would be even more lonely in a new area than I am now, I have a small network of company round here in a new area I would have nobody and that would be worse.
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