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Old 13th February 2015, 07:51 PM   #61
ralfgarnett
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Re: Yet another " I love you but I'm not in love with you" thread

Thanks all still feeling strangely calm, thoughts still going round but today not as severe I hope it stays this way, in saying that woke around 6am with it all ruminating, but I cant believe I am still feeling calm and I cant remember crying today, I know that sounds pathetic but I think I must of cried almost every day since July 2014 but still feeling calm if not slightly drowsey, this must be one of the calmet days since the bomb dropped if not the calmest day, I wonder if the human body just says enough its time to calm down any views anyone ?

Last edited by ralfgarnett; 13th February 2015 at 08:21 PM.
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Old 13th February 2015, 08:43 PM   #62
chosen
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Re: Yet another " I love you but I'm not in love with you" thread

You will gradually have better days, and the horrible ones will get less and less. Dont get discouraged though if you have more bad days after this, but they will get less and less. I can sense a difference in you recently.
Glad that you are sleeping better as well.
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Old 13th February 2015, 09:21 PM   #63
notDoneYet
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Re: Yet another " I love you but I'm not in love with you" thread

Hey ralf. My view? I will not let this consume me. I will move on. I will have a good life from now on. No longer the victim. I will show her I do not need her. I'm not angry or bitter. I've just let go. Detached. This is not my problem, it's hers.
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Old 14th February 2015, 10:56 AM   #64
ralfgarnett
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Re: Yet another " I love you but I'm not in love with you" thread

Sorry NDY I just remembered this is your thread and I am returning to post in my main thread.
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Old 17th February 2015, 04:33 PM   #65
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Re: Yet another " I love you but I'm not in love with you" thread

So Another update.

Had a fab day with my boy on Sunday and on dropping him off just said goodby to the WAW. I left my Credit Card behind so that she can remove me from the account. One less complication.

However, next day I get an email from WAW. Quite early in the day about the CC and other stuff. Her biggest complaint is our friends not talking to her. I think the guilt is kicking in big time. She's upset about that and the fact that our friends don't include our son in activities they use to. She sees this as being down to our situation although I believe it's more to do with not wanting to interfere. Anyway she isn't getting the validation see craves and it's starting to bug her. We are now preparing the house to go on the market (although this could have happened anytime, I still think she's stalling). I have said I will help with the DIY (i'm good at DIY). We are meeting next week away from the house and no son to interrupt. This will be the first face to face conversation we have had in over 6 weeks. Advice would be greatly appreciated.
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Old 19th February 2015, 07:31 PM   #66
ralfgarnett
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Re: Yet another " I love you but I'm not in love with you" thread

I love you but I'm not in love with you definition from the urban dictionary.

Phrase used exclusively by shallow self-absorbed individuals who actually have no concept of what it means to love or be loved. Their hearts are vacant and usually associate sex not with a deeply emotional or spiritual experience but rather purely a physical and transient act involving no emotion. Such individuals are limited in both intellect and in normal socialization skills. People who use this overused cliche usually suffer from a combination of schizotypal disorder and sociopathy. A catch-all phrase when the person doing the dumping knows there is no reason for the relationship to end, other than for purely selfish reasons of wanting to pursue sexual relations with other individuals outside of the current relationship.

I love you but I'm not in love with you

Translation:

I don't love you and I want to experiment with other people
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Old 20th February 2015, 10:25 AM   #67
Raymond
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Re: Yet another " I love you but I'm not in love with you" thread

A lot of truth in that from my experience of being on here.
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Old 20th February 2015, 01:23 PM   #68
chosen
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Re: Yet another " I love you but I'm not in love with you" thread

Yes and most who say that are already in another relationship, and mistakenly think that their new excitement over an affair is 'real love'. How deceived they are.
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Old 20th February 2015, 01:56 PM   #69
notDoneYet
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Re: Yet another " I love you but I'm not in love with you" thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by ralfgarnett View Post
I love you but I'm not in love with you definition from the urban dictionary.

Phrase used exclusively by shallow self-absorbed individuals who actually have no concept of what it means to love or be loved. Their hearts are vacant and usually associate sex not with a deeply emotional or spiritual experience but rather purely a physical and transient act involving no emotion. Such individuals are limited in both intellect and in normal socialization skills. People who use this overused cliche usually suffer from a combination of schizotypal disorder and sociopathy. A catch-all phrase when the person doing the dumping knows there is no reason for the relationship to end, other than for purely selfish reasons of wanting to pursue sexual relations with other individuals outside of the current relationship.

I love you but I'm not in love with you

Translation:

I don't love you and I want to experiment with other people
This I don't subscribe to. She did love me once. We were together for over 20 years. Happily married for 14 of those years. She had my child and we built a life together. It's just over now. That's all.
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Old 20th February 2015, 06:10 PM   #70
ralfgarnett
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Re: Yet another " I love you but I'm not in love with you" thread

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Originally Posted by notDoneYet View Post
This I don't subscribe to. She did love me once. We were together for over 20 years. Happily married for 14 of those years. She had my child and we built a life together. It's just over now. That's all.
Which bit don't you subscribe to ?, I have always thought this phrase to be a cop out even before I had it said to me.
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Old 20th February 2015, 06:22 PM   #71
notDoneYet
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Re: Yet another " I love you but I'm not in love with you" thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by ralfgarnett View Post
Which bit don't you subscribe to ?, I have always thought this phrase to be a cop out even before I had it said to me.

The highlighted bit, i.e. "no concept of what it means to love or be loved"

My WAW does know what it is to love and be loved, just not with me any more.
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Old 20th February 2015, 07:50 PM   #72
ralfgarnett
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Re: Yet another " I love you but I'm not in love with you" thread

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Originally Posted by notDoneYet View Post
The highlighted bit, i.e. "no concept of what it means to love or be loved"

My WAW does know what it is to love and be loved, just not with me any more.
Agreed yes I see that now same here mate, tell you what though we deserve so much better than the way we have been treated, good luck NDY rooting for you pal, just one thing though do you honestly belive we will get the chance to re-pitch ourselves to our W/S ? come on it's hand on heart time.
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Old 20th February 2015, 08:17 PM   #73
notDoneYet
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Re: Yet another " I love you but I'm not in love with you" thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by ralfgarnett View Post
Agreed yes I see that now same here mate, tell you what though we deserve so much better than the way we have been treated, good luck NDY rooting for you pal, just one thing though do you honestly belive we will get the chance to re-pitch ourselves to our W/S ? come on it's hand on heart time.
I'm rooting for you too mate, but if I'm honest im not sure about my situation. The woman I loved isn't the woman I left, the conversation will happen as I will always be part of her life as we have kids but re pitch? Nah. She would need to re pitch to me and that's a hard sell.
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Old 20th February 2015, 09:15 PM   #74
chosen
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Re: Yet another " I love you but I'm not in love with you" thread

NDY at what point should you let things go? I mean if the spouse has said they are not coming back that needs to be accepted and respected surely?
To be honest, if my spouse didnt want me, I wouldnt want them either, no matter how painful that was to accept. We do need to have some self respect.
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Old 20th February 2015, 10:25 PM   #75
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Re: Yet another " I love you but I'm not in love with you" thread

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Originally Posted by chosen View Post
NDY at what point should you let things go? I mean if the spouse has said they are not coming back that needs to be accepted and respected surely?
To be honest, if my spouse didnt want me, I wouldnt want them either, no matter how painful that was to accept. We do need to have some self respect.
And now you have it. You let go the minute you realise she's gone. And here is the weird thing. Since I let her go, she's becoming more drawn back to me. But only because I know I'll be fine without her. So just let go, now. You mate will be just fine with or without her. And she may well just see that and do you want to know what? Women find strong, independent men attractive. Not needy mopey men. So no matter what from now on you sort it for ralf. And only ralf and it you get your missus back that's a bonus. But you need to do this for you. First and foremost.
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