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Old 22nd August 2014, 08:59 AM   #46
Raymond
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

I think it is a good idea. She has left the marriage not you so let her come to you and have her own time when she needs it. If you are a prayer now is the time.
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Old 22nd August 2014, 09:19 AM   #47
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Had an email from her first thing this morning to thank me and saying how much she enjoyed her visit and how lovely it was to see everyone, it has really made my day, not reading anything at all in to it but it was nice to hear from her so quickly as I was keeping quiet after yesterday waiting for her to contact me and for the first time since our separation she has done, now not sure if I should respond straight away or leave it for a day or so, please advise chaps not sure what my next move should be, not playing mind games just thinking about the impact of my next move with a view to getting the best result for me if you know what I mean ?.
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Old 22nd August 2014, 10:13 AM   #48
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Leave it a while is my advise. Maybe later today. Dont want to appear to needy. Its sad that she cant do what she needs to do within the marriage though isnt it, rather than thinking she has to separate.
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Old 22nd August 2014, 01:18 PM   #49
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

I personally think you should leave it to her. She wants the space and maybe she needs it for her healing. She has walked out so it's up to her to work herself back in at her pace.
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Old 22nd August 2014, 03:48 PM   #50
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Thank you both for your replies you are really good people to take the time to do this, I am a prayer and will be in church tomorrow, I have had another e-mail from her telling me to have a nice weekend and she will see me on Monday, funny old game life isn't it ?, well for now I'm going out for a pint or two and a nice hot pie, had a horrid week need to relax a bit I feel really rough, losing weight, not eating much, headaches, knotted stomach, aching shoulders and back, apart from that I'm ok, thanks again chaps speak to you soon.
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Old 22nd August 2014, 04:22 PM   #51
chosen
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Its all stress isnt it. A good brisk walk/run/swim/cycle may help.
God Bless.
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Old 22nd August 2014, 08:28 PM   #52
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Hi Chosen I love walking, and have done sports all my life however over the past few years my rheumatoid arthritis has got worse so now no running, no cricket, no bowling. no golf, no cycling I loved all these things but can still walk for miles but slower than before, I like the swimming idea though might start doing that, for now a couple of beers then bed, going to rest up as much as possible this weekend as we have a 3 day weekend to cope with all the Georgie to you all.
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Old 22nd August 2014, 09:11 PM   #53
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Originally Posted by ralfgarnett View Post
Hi Chosen I love walking, and have done sports all my life however over the past few years my rheumatoid arthritis has got worse so now no running, no cricket, no bowling. no golf, no cycling I loved all these things but can still walk for miles but slower than before, I like the swimming idea though might start doing that, for now a couple of beers then bed, going to rest up as much as possible this weekend as we have a 3 day weekend to cope with all the Georgie to you all.
Swimming is good when you have arthritis.
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Old 23rd August 2014, 11:02 AM   #54
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Not feeling too good today nothing has changed since Thursday but for some reason today I feel as though I have lost her forever and there is no point in living, I don't want to live without her in my life, I'm 49 years old and am scared of spending the rest of my life alone without my lovely bride, my soul mate, the love of my life, my reason for being, I don't think I can carry on much longer like this, I married for life and without her I have no life so what's the point in being here any more ?.

15-00 hrs pm BST: just back from the church we were married in and I have prayed longer and harder than I have ever prayed in my 49 years, please god hear my prayer and please please help me.

Last edited by ralfgarnett; 23rd August 2014 at 03:00 PM. Reason: extra text
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Old 24th August 2014, 02:00 PM   #55
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Try and not entertain these thoughts Ralf as they can drain your hope. Also it is a big responsibility on her that everything relies on her co-operation. Thinking of you thinking what's the point of living without her. It will be sad if it doesn't work but you should never lose your hope for life as even in marriage we need to stand back and keep our hope for life even when our spouses are a great help for us or not. You both need that kind of independence even within marriage as great a blessing as it is.

I don't see any reason to give up hope and would advise you let it grow from what it is without any pressure from you. That could send her back and I don't think she could take it just now. I think letting her come to you is the right thing just now until you see signs of healing. Take it steady as it sounds like she has had a breakdown and will need lots of time to heal.

Hope for the best but be ready for the worse as in all marriages one will be left on their own in the end. We need to cultivate hope in life in marriage or without it.
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Old 24th August 2014, 05:42 PM   #56
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Ralf, I see lots of hope in your marriage, BUT even if it doesnt work, some of us here have had terrible marriage break ups, and have eventually gone on to have new marriages and lives that are just as good if not better than before. Remember that this life is only temporary, and for you as a Christian, there is so much more than this in the future. God has great plans for you no matter what happens.

Last edited by chosen; 24th August 2014 at 05:54 PM.
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Old 24th August 2014, 08:12 PM   #57
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Many thanks to you both for your continuing dialogue I appreciate your input more than you can both ever know, however I love her with all my heart mind body and soul and being perfectly honest with you both I cannot forsee any kind of life without her, every night at the moment I get in to our empty cold bed and pray that god takes me in the night in order to escape the cold bleak empty loneliness of living without my dear wife whom I love so much, the last line that a great favourite of mine the late great wordsmith and actorKenneth Williams wrote in his diary before he died was "whats the bl@@dy point" right now I know ecaxtly what he means

Last edited by ralfgarnett; 23rd February 2015 at 05:35 PM.
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Old 24th August 2014, 08:24 PM   #58
chosen
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Originally Posted by ralfgarnett View Post
Many thanks to you both for your continuing dialogue I appreciate your input more than you can both ever know, however I love Jayne with all my heart mind body and soul and being perfectly honest with you both I cannot forsee any kind of life without her, every night at the moment I get in to our empty cold bed and pray that god takes me in the night in order to escape the cold bleak empty loneliness of living without my dear wife whom I love so much, the last line that a great favourite of mine the late great wordsmith and actorKenneth Williams wrote in his diary before he died was "whats the bl@@dy point" right now I know ecaxtly what he means
Yes I loved my first husband too. I was devastated when our 23 year marriage traumatically ended very suddenly one day. However I survived, what choice did I have, I had three children to think of, and millions of other have as well. My brother survived loosing 2 wives, both who he loved, and both who cheated on him. He now has a lovely faithful German partner. I have a very good and amazing husband who I have been happily married to for 9 years now. He is also an amazing step dad and step grandad.
Anyway dont think that way yet, you have a lot of hope.
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Old 24th August 2014, 09:12 PM   #59
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Thanks Chosen your very kind. my judgement and perception levels are not functioning very well, IN order to help me perceive please can you bullet point the areas that you see as hope for me, I'm not being as you dismissive or glib I am genuinely open to outside ideas and perceptions so warts and all please can you tell me the key positive points that you can pick up from all I have shared with you all ? especially you and Raymond who have been brilliant with me.

Thanks RG

Last edited by ralfgarnett; 24th August 2014 at 09:15 PM. Reason: EXTRA
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Old 24th August 2014, 09:58 PM   #60
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Try not to feed on negative things if you can. There is every point even though we don't always see it. There are plenty of negative things around but the truth is actually very positive. Try and keep strong for her sake. We are not alone. Jesus says that I will never leave you nor forsake you if we have put our trust in Him.
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