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Old 21st July 2015, 10:00 PM   #16
notDoneYet
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Re: Baby from married muslim man

Once you learn to detach you will be fine. Sure. I get it's hard but for your sake and the babies sake get out.

Why is he asking you how much you get from maternity leave? It doesn't matter if you are the full time carer for your child. He will have to pay. That's the law. Are you in the UK Stella?
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Old 21st July 2015, 10:46 PM   #17
Lindentree1
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Re: Baby from married muslim man

I'm glad you're moving, Stella. It will be easier for you in the long run not to be tempted, you know? Hope you keep posting with us and give us updates. You'll find a lot of supportive people here.
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Old 22nd July 2015, 05:02 PM   #18
chosen
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Re: Baby from married muslim man

The more that you are able to get out there and make friends, the less you will miss him. Let us know how you get on.
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Old 22nd July 2015, 05:41 PM   #19
Stella
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Re: Baby from married muslim man

Thank u so much for for the replies. Yes, i am in the UK( East of England). I found it strange also that he wants to know how much i have coming in. He comes around almost every day and he spends little time with child. If i wanna nip out to the shop he'd volunteer to take care of our son but otherwise he is of no help. He tells me all the things thst his house needs like new furniture and fridge and tv but not a word about whether our son has food or nappies ?! It is deeply upsetting! I decided that i move but finances are an issue atm so i will just have to wait a little while. Also im not sure what area to move to cos i dont have many friends in uk. I do go out sometimes but having a child scares most guys.. hope one day i will find someone who will except us..
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Old 22nd July 2015, 05:48 PM   #20
chosen
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Re: Baby from married muslim man

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stella View Post
Thank u so much for for the replies. Yes, i am in the UK( East of England). I found it strange also that he wants to know how much i have coming in. He comes around almost every day and he spends little time with child. If i wanna nip out to the shop he'd volunteer to take care of our son but otherwise he is of no help. He tells me all the things thst his house needs like new furniture and fridge and tv but not a word about whether our son has food or nappies ?! It is deeply upsetting! I decided that i move but finances are an issue atm so i will just have to wait a little while. Also im not sure what area to move to cos i dont have many friends in uk. I do go out sometimes but having a child scares most guys.. hope one day i will find someone who will except us..
Are you in a rented place?

Many people marry others who have children Stella. but get yourself and your son sorted out first.
All of his comments about what they need are his way of stopping you from asking for money, its disgusting that he isnt supporting his own child, thats why you need proper advise. Maybe the first call needs to be the Citizens advise bureau.
I think that you also need to tell him to stop coming round. He needs to stop cheating on his wife.
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Old 23rd July 2015, 06:14 PM   #21
Lindentree1
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Re: Baby from married muslim man

Even if you can't move now, Stella, have you decided to end the relationship? It can't feel good to be seeing a married man.
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Old 24th July 2015, 09:58 PM   #22
Stella
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Re: Baby from married muslim man

I have decided long time ago that he is not good for me and we have ended it numerous times but always started over. I just cant seem to stick to what i decide. I can tell him its finished but i would not last more than a couple of weeks then i start to feel really depressed and spend mist my time in bed crying. The worse thing is i dont understand why i feel this way when he is doing nothing for us! Im irritated with myself. If someone would ask me what do u love in him? I wouldnt be able to come up with a sensible answer. Cos i dont know what i love Or why i feel so attached to him.
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Old 24th July 2015, 10:17 PM   #23
chosen
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Re: Baby from married muslim man

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stella View Post
I have decided long time ago that he is not good for me and we have ended it numerous times but always started over. I just cant seem to stick to what i decide. I can tell him its finished but i would not last more than a couple of weeks then i start to feel really depressed and spend mist my time in bed crying. The worse thing is i dont understand why i feel this way when he is doing nothing for us! Im irritated with myself. If someone would ask me what do u love in him? I wouldnt be able to come up with a sensible answer. Cos i dont know what i love Or why i feel so attached to him.
YOu want him because you are lonely, which is why you need to get out there with your child and go to groups and make friends. Many local churches run mother and toddler groups and have a creche if you go to church. IT will take time but you need to make a start. You spending time in bed crying is terribly bad for your child, make thee effort for his sake.
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Old 25th July 2015, 04:28 PM   #24
Lindentree1
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Re: Baby from married muslim man

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stella View Post
I have decided long time ago that he is not good for me and we have ended it numerous times but always started over. I just cant seem to stick to what i decide. I can tell him its finished but i would not last more than a couple of weeks then i start to feel really depressed and spend mist my time in bed crying. The worse thing is i dont understand why i feel this way when he is doing nothing for us! Im irritated with myself. If someone would ask me what do u love in him? I wouldnt be able to come up with a sensible answer. Cos i dont know what i love Or why i feel so attached to him.
It sounds like you are still involved with him. I'm going to be frank--this is not fair to his wife. Instead of thinking about what you want--think about what this is doing to his family. This woman does not deserve this pain. Do you really want to be a part of all this? You seem like a good person. You deserve to be in a situation where a man can give you his all. Why settle for crumbs?
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Old 26th July 2015, 08:44 AM   #25
Stella
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Re: Baby from married muslim man

I left him last night. All he said is, ok. It didnt seem to bother him too much. I just hope i will be able to stick with it. Thank u for ur advice and support. Regards.
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Old 26th July 2015, 09:31 AM   #26
ralfgarnett
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Re: Baby from married muslim man

Good luck Stella tell us how you get on, btw do you know your name "Stella" means "star" maybe just maybe there is a star up in the heavens guiding you and your baby to a better and happier life, I do hope so.
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Old 26th July 2015, 01:33 PM   #27
chosen
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Re: Baby from married muslim man

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Originally Posted by Stella View Post
I left him last night. All he said is, ok. It didnt seem to bother him too much. I just hope i will be able to stick with it. Thank u for ur advice and support. Regards.
Be strong and think of your child when you are tempted to go back.
Get advise about maintenance for your child, its his responsibility to help provide for him.
Have you found any groups that you can go to? The libraries often have groups for mums and children, such as story time or making music groups. Most places have mother and toddler groups as well.
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Old 26th July 2015, 05:36 PM   #28
Lindentree1
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Re: Baby from married muslim man

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stella View Post
I left him last night. All he said is, ok. It didnt seem to bother him too much. I just hope i will be able to stick with it. Thank u for ur advice and support. Regards.
He was nonchalant because this has happened before. He thinks you will take him back. Be strong, Stella. Good for you. Now you are in a position to get stronger, and eventually find someone who deserves you. You'll be okay.
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Old 26th July 2015, 10:32 PM   #29
chosen
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Re: Baby from married muslim man

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Originally Posted by Lindentree1 View Post
He was nonchalant because this has happened before. He thinks you will take him back. Be strong, Stella. Good for you. Now you are in a position to get stronger, and eventually find someone who deserves you. You'll be okay.
yes I did think that as well, he doesnt think you will stick with it.
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