Dear Joyce,
It's good that you have your pastor supporting you and access to counselling. From what you have said your husband has a lot of issues to deal with and you've had a fairly tough life yourself.
You ask where there is a site that can show your husband how to treat a wife well.
There are some good books such as the
Five Languages of Love and
His Needs , Her Needs, that might be of help. You could read them first and see if he is willing to. From your posting I can hear that you are longing to be shown love and tenderness.
If you look in the
Basics Relationship Skills area on the site, there may be some articles you could print out for him. The other possibility when you have completed your counselling is to go on an
enrichment weekend. (If you're in USA, some of these programmes like Marrioage Encounter operate there too.) They are about building strong marriages and the couples who lead them are good role models - perhaps the way they relate may encourage your husband to think about what makes a marriage go well.
If you are really concerned about addictions and depression then you would be wise to seek some information about suppport groups like AL Anon.
I wonder if you are aware of the support groups available for carers and spouses of those suffering from bi-polar disorder.
http://www.gtonline.net/community/mindinfo/bipolar.htm has a list of local Bipolar Disorder support groups in the UK - there may well be somethign similar in USA. It also has a list of symptoms too. The UK national umbrella organisation's details can be found here:
http://www.doh.gov.uk/mentalhealthcontact/index.htm
The web site for the Manic Depression Fellowship is at
http://www.mdf.org.uk.
In the end you can't change your husband - only God can. You can pray for him. And you can ask God to show you any way you can learn to find more of your security in Him, so you can find the strength to love your husband through his faults and problems.
I hope this has given you a few ideas to explore to give you some hope for the future.
Best wishes
Kate