Hi HC
Indeed I had a lovely break, thank you. Loads of peace and tranquility and prayers. There was one day that I took a walk on my own and I found a quiet bench and sat down. I allowed myself to absorb the peace all around me and before I realised what was happening I completely broke down and cried till it felt like I had run out of tears. I prayed to God for what I want in my life, my deepest desires and after my inconsolable weeping, I felt so much better, as if I had been heard by the Almighty. I know that there is a long and painful road ahead before that new day dawns, but I am determined to go all the way until I get there.
The whole time I was away I just enjoyed how happy and at peace I felt. Of course all that changed as soon as I got back. Hubby and I have started fighting again and I keep wondering if it is all my fault - I still have so many questions and he is at the point where he doesn't want to talk about things anymore and keeps saying we should call it a day. I am inclined to agree with him - as much as I still love him desperately and still want my marriage.
I am absolutey horrified at what your wife did! You don't get anymore disrespectful than taking a third person into your family home! I am very sorry HC, but I think you already have the answer to your question and I know that it is not what you wanted, because you still love her and still want things to work out, but you have to cut the cord. You have to release her from your life and set her free. What she has done is beyond words and beyond disgusting. I think that this is clearly stating to you where her priorities are - and it is not towards you and the kids.
It is going to be a tough road ahead, but you are going to get through this. May I recommend a wonderful website (well I think it's wonderful) that may help you with the grieving process and the emotions you can expect to go through while you are re-patching your life
http://home.att.net/~velvet-hammer/grief.html . I am often on there with tears in my eyes and a mug of tea in my hand, just coming to terms with everything.
Keep posting and stay strong. You can find my email in my profile if you want to add me to your msn for a chat sometime.
One day at a time, that's all we can take. Just one day at a time. We will get to the end of the road and look back and realise that we are stronger for the experience. We will also realise that we deserved better than what we were offered and maybe one day, by the grace of God, someone new, an angel on earth, will walk into our lives and show us what love is really all about. Good luck to us both. Please let me know how you are getting on - good days and bad.
(((HUGS))))