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Old 4th June 2015, 11:08 PM   #1381
Lindentree1
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Originally Posted by notDoneYet View Post
Ok ralf. What's the lesson here? The simplest explanations are the most likely to be true? So, what do you want to do with that info? You tell me? A year in. A YEAR. We both need to just get outa town. They ain't coming back. Let's walk away together with our heads held high.
I'll join you. We can be the nice version of The Three Musketeers.
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Old 5th June 2015, 09:43 AM   #1382
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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In my experience ralf not many women do revert to their maiden names after a divorce. I cant only think of one lady who did that out of many.

Maybe she has a different job there as you say. She did say she wasnt happy in her job, so maybe a less stressful office based job came up.
That's what I was thinking less stress, with regards maiden names I am really surprised because I would of expected her to change by way of a gesture but she hasn't she is still Mrs -------.
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Old 5th June 2015, 10:07 AM   #1383
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Ok ralf. What's the lesson here? The simplest explanations are the most likely to be true? So, what do you want to do with that info? You tell me? A year in. A YEAR. We both need to just get outa town. They ain't coming back. Let's walk away together with our heads held high.
Yep 11 fun packed months next week, but there are no lessons here I don't know what your trying to say, and there is no simple or even complicated explanation, she has either changed her job internally or had it changed for her, and they have either been issued new mobiles or she has no need for a mobile as she may not be community based any more, these are the only things to read in to.

If your eluding to the fact that she hasn't given me her potential new number then why would she as we aren't together ? and I won't be asking for it either, although if I did she might give me the number I don't know and neither do I care or read anything in to it, I had a great nights sleep last night, and I had this dream with Kim Bassinger in it but that's best left un-told, and am looking forward to a nice piece of Aberdeen Anus before I go out to night with chips of course.

I could try and get it via her office I'm quite resourceful like that you understand sales people, but I'm not going to waste my time on it, what she doesn't realise is that she is actually making life harder for herself not me, if she wants her gear then she is going to have to ask me for it and I now call the shots on how I will accept that request, I might refuse to accept and ignore it by e-mail and only insist that she rings me about it, my choice, my shout, my decision whether to co-operate or not, this is not fully over by a long chalk as with Ben Hur it's a long running script and there are plenty more scenes to be played out yet I just know it.

I agree about getting out of town though how do you fancy a beery long weekend in Ayr ?.

Last edited by ralfgarnett; 5th June 2015 at 10:51 AM.
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Old 5th June 2015, 12:36 PM   #1384
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Ralf - you seem to be over analysing everything. It sounds to me like you've got a bit obsessive over it all to be honest.

I used to analyse stuff the way you are and can see the signs and it's not healthy. I suspect you slept well because this drama has excited you. It's given you a lifeline. It's become like a game of cat and mouse. If you are happy to play that game, so be it, but in my opinion, it's just going to lead to more heartache.

She's effectively stopped you communicating via telephone as she hasn't given you any new work number and wont give her personal. Regardless of the reason, she doesn't want you contacting her spur of the moment, only via e-mail where she can plan any reply. If anything, I would say this is more of a nail in the coffin.

NDY simply meant, it's been a year, she isn't coming back - it's over. Everyone is different - I think I'd be like him and would have the same attitude because I know I deserve to be happy and with someone who loves, appreciated and wants me the way I want them and unless they are certified sick - why hand around being miserable?. Some hold on and battle, like you. There is no right and wrong method....love to death do us part, in sickness and in health, etc. - I get it...I really do.

The best advice sometimes is to follow your own advice but if I were you, I'd get Sunday out of the way and e-mail asking for a meet to discuss the state of play and just ask where you stand once and for all - I honestly think that's what you need.

Last edited by ronnoco; 5th June 2015 at 12:42 PM.
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Old 5th June 2015, 01:36 PM   #1385
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Aye up, ta for your in-put as always it's most appreciated matey, my honest answers are below in bold.

Ralf - you seem to be over analysing everything. It sounds to me like you've got a bit obsessive over it all to be honest.

Agreed way over obsessive I know this.

I used to analyse stuff the way you are and can see the signs and it's not healthy. I suspect you slept well because this drama has excited you. It's given you a lifeline. It's become like a game of cat and mouse. If you are happy to play that game, so be it, but in my opinion, it's just going to lead to more heartache.

Disagree, I slept well be because A, it didn't bother me and B, I take a docking big sleeping tablet every night with my anti-depressant that also aids sleep, but it didn't excite me, now the dream with Kim Bassinger well that's a different story grrrrrr.

She's effectively stopped you communicating via telephone as she hasn't given you any new work number and wont give her personal. Regardless of the reason, she doesn't want you contacting her spur of the moment, only via e-mail where she can plan any reply. If anything, I would say this is more of a nail in the coffin.

Disagree again, her work number changing has absolutely nothing to do with me in any way and I am not slightly bothered that I don't have her new one I wouldn't be likely to ring her anyway, and at the moment if I changed any phone numbers I wouldn't be sharing them with her either because she plays no part in my current life.

NDY simply meant, it's been a year, she isn't coming back - it's over. Everyone is different - I think I'd be like him and would have the same attitude because I know I deserve to be happy and with someone who loves, appreciated and wants me the way I want them and unless they are certified sick - why hand around being miserable?. Some hold on and battle, like you. There is no right and wrong method....love to death do us part, in sickness and in health, etc. - I get it...I really do.

I may be daft but I'm not thick I know what he meant and I answered accordingly, agreed what was before is over even I know that, but none of us can see in to the future but I am not unrealistic I don't expect her to leap through the door any day soon professing undying love (well she couldn't with a rose between her teeth but she could hand me a note I suppose and still keep the rose), also I am not hanging around and neither am I fighting I am simply being.

The best advice sometimes is to follow your own advice but if I were you, I'd get Sunday out of the way and e-mail asking for a meet to discuss the state of play and just ask where you stand once and for all - I honestly think that's what you need.

This was on my mind to do anyway but not just yet, and anyway the ice cream man has just turned up and mines a large one with crushed nuts.

Last edited by ralfgarnett; 5th June 2015 at 03:07 PM.
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Old 5th June 2015, 03:29 PM   #1386
ronnoco
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Fair play on the good sleep - forgot about the sleeping pill. The Kim Basinger thing did brighten up my day tho!

I meant more that she has changed her number and hasn't given you it. i.e.. doesn't want you calling. Also, if she wanted contact, this would have been ideal 'just letting you know I've changed my number'

Most women don't seem to change their married name despite what's gone on. I imagine it feels like it's a big part of their identity and also they have become so familiar with it....the exception being my wife though who changed it 2 weeks after we split. That was very bizarre and incredibly painful for me.

The ice cream sounds great by the way!
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Old 5th June 2015, 03:51 PM   #1387
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Fair play on the good sleep - forgot about the sleeping pill. The Kim Basinger thing did brighten up my day tho!

NPS

I meant more that she has changed her number and hasn't given you it. i.e.. doesn't want you calling. Also, if she wanted contact, this would have been ideal 'just letting you know I've changed my number'

I don't need to know if you read my posts I don't ring her, so I don't really have to know she can go an FHS.

Most women don't seem to change their married name despite what's gone on. I imagine it feels like it's a big part of their identity and also they have become so familiar with it....the exception being my wife though who changed it 2 weeks after we split. That was very bizarre and incredibly painful for me.

I know pal and I feel deeply for you, I see this as a glimmer, because WW is very definite in her actions if she wants to get her point across she will , this was her opportunity to slap me in in the gob by changing her SN she didn't do it.

The ice cream sounds great by the way!

You missed my Viz ineuendo, if you ever near MCR give me a shout I will introduce you to the splendours of Joey Holt's or in polite parlance Joseph Holts brewery beers the best in the area, sahha habib tajjba u inselli ghaliek kuljum, maybe one day I will teach the forum some Maltese.

Also, if she wanted contact, this would have been ideal 'just letting you know I've changed my number'

If's and but's mean fro to me, if your and aunty had an hampton then she would be your uncle equally if your uncle had a nook and cranny then she he would be your aunty. not everything in life is black and white apart from some liquorice all sorts , one of my kitties, and council tax bills.

Last edited by ralfgarnett; 5th June 2015 at 04:04 PM.
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Old 5th June 2015, 03:58 PM   #1388
Lindentree1
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

I don't like my H's last name--never did. It's long and always incorrectly pronounced by others. When all is said and done, I'm going back to my Swedish maiden name, and that's one thing I am actually looking forward to.

I felt like I lost some of my identity when I changed my name, so getting my old name back will feel like a gift--even though the reason will be incredibly sad.
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Old 5th June 2015, 06:02 PM   #1389
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

"I felt like I lost some of my identity when I changed my name, so getting my old name back will feel like a gift--even though the reason will be incredibly sad."

Sadly this unfortunately tells it's own story, you were with you WH for 15 years yet you didn't like your married name ?, I recall a few weeks before we were married coming home from work to find that my WW had been practising writing her new name over and over on a note pad, I jokingly mentioned it to her when she got home from her shift (she worked shifts in those innocent days) she blushed, I felt lots of love and pride, honesty time LDT were you always happy with H pre-bu ?.


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Old 5th June 2015, 06:34 PM   #1390
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Had a really good sales day so going out for a few beers with the boys, might even manage a good old fashioned vindaloo too, so it's bog rolls in the fridge time, my wife doesn't know the classy times she's missing out on right now, I taught her a lot about high cuisine, she never had HP sauce on chips before she met me, oh yes I know how to treat a Lass.
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Old 5th June 2015, 06:38 PM   #1391
Lindentree1
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Originally Posted by ralfgarnett View Post
"I felt like I lost some of my identity when I changed my name, so getting my old name back will feel like a gift--even though the reason will be incredibly sad."

Sadly this unfortunately tells it's own story, you were with you WH for 15 years yet you didn't like your married name ?, I recall a few weeks before we were married coming home from work to find that my WW had been practising writing her new name over and over on a note pad, I jokingly mentioned it to her when she got home from her shift (she worked shifts in those innocent days) she blushed, I felt lots of love and pride, honesty time LDT were you always happy with H pre-bu ?.


I've known him for 15, married for 13. I was incredibly happy and proud to be his wife. I just didn't like his last name. It's an unusual name, no one could pronounce or spell it, so I had to constantly pronounce and spell it for everyone I met or dealt with. I also missed my last name because I felt it was all I had left of my late father. It had nothing to do with WH and everything to do with that. A lot of women keep their maiden names in this country. It's not unusual. In fact, I was questioned about why I was changing my name. It's different times, now.

Last edited by Lindentree1; 5th June 2015 at 06:43 PM.
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Old 5th June 2015, 07:17 PM   #1392
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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I've known him for 15, married for 13. I was incredibly happy and proud to be his wife. I just didn't like his last name. It's an unusual name, no one could pronounce or spell it, so I had to constantly pronounce and spell it for everyone I met or dealt with. I also missed my last name because I felt it was all I had left of my late father. It had nothing to do with WH and everything to do with that. A lot of women keep their maiden names in this country. It's not unusual. In fact, I was questioned about why I was changing my name. It's different times, now.
Hi LDT you know me by now I mean no offence. its just that I haven't heard many women say they hate their married names, I think it must be a female issue because we as males don't usually change our names when we marry, right beer time, I don't want to go but I am forcing myself out, narak iktar tard u lelyl it-tajjeb.
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Old 6th June 2015, 10:34 AM   #1393
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Well that was ok, there were 5 of us, had a few beers, a good natter, we won the pub quiz, 3 of us even got on stage for karaoke (god save the queen sex pistols version 1977), looks like we are going to Hungary quite soon too, not feeling too good today my stomach is griping up, I don't drink much real ale these days and while it was in tip top condition it is playing my stomach up, for breakfast had toasted soda bread with the last of her honey on it hoping to feel better after my vat of tea, happy Saturday everyone.
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Old 6th June 2015, 11:42 AM   #1394
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Well that was ok, there were 5 of us, had a few beers, a good natter, we won the pub quiz, 3 of us even got on stage for karaoke (god save the queen sex pistols version 1977), looks like we are going to Hungary quite soon too, not feeling too good today my stomach is griping up, I don't drink much real ale these days and while it was in tip top condition it is playing my stomach up, for breakfast had toasted soda bread with the last of her honey on it hoping to feel better after my vat of tea, happy Saturday everyone.
Mint tea is very good for tummy ache.
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Old 6th June 2015, 01:09 PM   #1395
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Mint tea is very good for tummy ache.
We are on the same page DC I grow mint and have been chewing the leaves this morning, fennel seeds do the same job I have been chewing those too, just having a light lunch later got a couple of nice dover soul so will grill them and have them with a little bit of boiled rice, I love the combination of fish and rice you should taste my kedgeree my wife loved it, I used to make it with the meat flaked off poached kippers it's an old Victorian breakfast recipe from the days of the Raj but it isn't half tasty and makes for an excellent lunch or tea time dish, seafood is my favourite if it swims, hops, or scurrys i'll eat it and I especilay like things such as eels,squid, octopus, and prawns, my dear old mum used to say that my granny would never be dead while I was around as she was exactly the same as me apparently.
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