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Old 31st March 2015, 07:18 PM   #751
notDoneYet
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Originally Posted by Lindentree1 View Post
You do sound a little depressed. Which is understandable, really. I heard somewhere that keeping a small to-do list every day and checking off the list can be helpful. No more than 5 things a day. I don't know if it's supposed to feel like an accomplishment, but I heard to do-lists are quite helpful. Small things like "today I will vacuum" (hoover)
"today I will ring so-and-so." Might help.

Sometimes doing things you don't entirely feel like doing can help push you through the depression.

Like taking a trip!
^this. I agree with LDT. Go on the trip. Clear your head. A change is as good as a rest.
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Old 31st March 2015, 07:21 PM   #752
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Maybe maybe not, she says exactly the same thing about the bible and god which of course is her perogative, I am a typical Sagitarius its quite unbelievable when you read our typical traits they fit me like a glove, not at the moment though apparently I need to bring sagitarius forward to out weigh my Piscean moon the watery tearfull side to me, I don't understand that bit but my dad was a pisces and my friend the astrologer guessed about my pisces moon before she even knew, I don't know Chosen there is a big world and universe out the who really honestly truly knows the real meaning of life and how things really work, I must say my faith has been tested these past months as I feel abandoned, I would back anything at all that would get my life back on track.
Except that backing the wrong thing will never be good for you and getting involved with a woman who is against your faith and thinks that this nonsense is real isnt going to help you at all.
Why is it that you feel abandoned? Is it because God hasnt forced her to come back?
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Old 31st March 2015, 07:22 PM   #753
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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I don't know I cant make my mind up, im sorry your having such a tough time too your situation is as bad as mine we are both going through the mill at the moment, I am very demotivated and find it difficult to get energised to do lots of things, not hovered upstairs for a week now and I know it must be done, I have jobs to do round the house that I keep looking at and closing the door on them, the truth is that I don't really want to be here any more I need a change a fresh start I need a spark in my life I need to find IT whatever it is of course.
How about you thinking of that new home? It may help you to put the past behind and start afresh.
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Old 31st March 2015, 07:27 PM   #754
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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How about you thinking of that new home? It may help you to put the past behind and start afresh.
I have too much to do here before its truly saleable and also being self employed I don't know where I would stand mortgage wise, I would like a fresh start though, if I win the euro millions tonight then I will buy a big mansion in Cheshire.
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Old 31st March 2015, 07:31 PM   #755
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Except that backing the wrong thing will never be good for you and getting involved with a woman who is against your faith and thinks that this nonsense is real isnt going to help you at all.
Why is it that you feel abandoned? Is it because God hasnt forced her to come back?
This particular lady lives near me and was 76 last birthday, I look after her computers for her and she makes me the best pea and ham soup ever, she isn't the lady I go out for a drink with or have a spot of lunch with she is 43 years old and very pretty.
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Old 31st March 2015, 07:33 PM   #756
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

You could redecorate a bit. Make the house somewhat different so it's not so painful. Change your bedding, window treatments, towels, etc. You could change the furniture around. You don't have to spend a fortune but changing things up a bit might help.
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Old 31st March 2015, 07:36 PM   #757
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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You could redecorate a bit. Make the house somewhat different so it's not so painful. Change your bedding, window treatments, towels, etc. You could change the furniture around. You don't have to spend a fortune but changing things up a bit might help.
I have thought about that sort of thing making it mine instead of ours but we will see, meanwhile going to have a hotcross bun and a bottle of pale ale

Last edited by ralfgarnett; 31st March 2015 at 07:53 PM.
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Old 31st March 2015, 08:49 PM   #758
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

"Why is it that you feel abandoned? Is it because God hasnt forced her to come back?"

Yes Chosen this is one of the reasons, the other is if god loves us as much as we are told why has he caused you, NDY, LDT, and me all this heartbreak and pain ? where is the justification for that ?.
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Old 31st March 2015, 09:25 PM   #759
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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"Why is it that you feel abandoned? Is it because God hasnt forced her to come back?"

Yes Chosen this is one of the reasons, the other is if god loves us as much as we are told why has he caused you, NDY, LDT, and me all this heartbreak and pain ? where is the justification for that ?.
Ever considered that this time you have right now is a gift so that you can change into a better man? It's an opportunity. Take it. You never know what the future holds.
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Old 31st March 2015, 09:28 PM   #760
chosen
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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"Why is it that you feel abandoned? Is it because God hasnt forced her to come back?"

Yes Chosen this is one of the reasons, the other is if god loves us as much as we are told why has he caused you, NDY, LDT, and me all this heartbreak and pain ? where is the justification for that ?.
God hasnt caused us the pain, the other spouse has. Why does God get the blame for what other people have done? People hurt us and cause us pain. God hates it when marriages break up, he hated it that you wife left, and yet you are blaming Him.
Through all the horrible things I have been through in life not once did I blame Him. Why should I? None of them were His doing and He is always there with us in the pain.

How do you think that God is supposed to force your wife to come back? Kidnap her? How long would she stay if she were forced to come back?
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Old 31st March 2015, 09:29 PM   #761
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Ever considered that this time you have right now is a gift so that you can change into a better man? It's an opportunity. Take it. You never know what the future holds.
yes a stronger, wiser and better man. God always brings good out of bad if we let Him.
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Old 1st April 2015, 09:43 AM   #762
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

I was ok and happy as I was, I'm very lonely without her and I see no future for myself, if I could flick a switch like a light switch and turn myself off then I would.
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Old 1st April 2015, 10:32 AM   #763
chosen
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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I was ok and happy as I was, I'm very lonely without her and I see no future for myself, if I could flick a switch like a light switch and turn myself off then I would.
Yes we were all happy as we were, but we can be happy again. Many live alone and have happy fulfilled lives, and others find another person. hanging on to what was, will merely stop you from being able to find that good life again.
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Old 1st April 2015, 11:07 AM   #764
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Yes we were all happy as we were, but we can be happy again. Many live alone and have happy fulfilled lives, and others find another person. hanging on to what was, will merely stop you from being able to find that good life again.
I understand what your saying but I was extremely happy with my life and my wife until last year, I couldn't live a more fulfilled life than the one I had before, I was very content with what we had and what we did as a couple and I think it very very unlikely that I could ever meet a woman that has the same tastes and interests as me, the only person I ever met that did so was my wife so based on that theory any woman I might meet will always be 2nd best at the very best to my wife, this is one of the reasons why I feel as though I have lost so much, I have lost more than just a wife I have lost someone that I was perfectly in tune with and she experienced and enjoyed leisure based history orientated things with me that not many women would enjoy or even have any interest in experiencing, I emailed her a few weeks ago and reminded her of many of these things but I have had no reply, I just wish I could summon up the words that would really get through to her just enough to get her to at least enter in to dialogue with me to see if we could salvage our marriage I have searched the internet looking for answers but as of yet I have found nothing has anyone got any suggestions ?, or should I just stay in no contact and see what happens ?, this is an area that I have never been certain about if I should be in contact or not, which is the more likely to win my wife back talking / contacting her ?, or completely blanking her as if she doesn't exist and I have completely disappeared and maybe she might become curious and wonder what has happened to me I would welcome your views on this too .

Last edited by ralfgarnett; 1st April 2015 at 12:13 PM.
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Old 1st April 2015, 01:05 PM   #765
chosen
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

The fact that you have contacted her more than once and she hasnt come back, and the fact that she has said she wont come back, surely means that you must stop doing it and accept what has gone.
Do you honestly think that there is only one woman in the whole of the UK you could be happy with?Could you actually be making her into a sort of idol? I too was devastated when my ex and I parted, I can still see him packing a few things and me siting on the bed devastated, and that was 16 years ago. Like you I could see no future. I thought we would be together until one of us died.

If you accept what has happened, and understand that there is more to life that one person only, you can have a rich future. whether that is on you own or with another lady.
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