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Old 6th September 2013, 11:13 AM   #346
Puglove
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Re: Husband has left!

But is that just pathetic? Seeing him at a wedding tomorrow
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Old 6th September 2013, 11:40 AM   #347
chosen
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Re: Husband has left!

Puglove, he has clearly said that he wants a divorce, and with respect, you have to accept his decision.
However meeting him again is not the way forward. Just politely say that if /when he wants to divorce you here is the name and address of your solicitor. Then the ball is in his court.
How many more times does he need to say it before you will accept it? Dont you think that you need to let go and move on now? I think you will look back in a few years and be grateful that this happened. Hopefully you will find a man who is more mature and sticks around when things get tough.
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Old 6th September 2013, 11:53 AM   #348
Puglove
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Re: Husband has left!

If he wants one then he can file for one but I still love him dearly and I think he thinks its the "easy way out" but if he wants it he has to do it. Not me. I don't want to meet up with him to discuss divorce
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Old 6th September 2013, 12:01 PM   #349
chosen
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Re: Husband has left!

No and you don't have to if you tell him what I suggested. Yes he is taking the easy way out, you know that and we know that, but you cant force him to change his mind or do the right thing.
Just let him know that if/when he divorces you, to do it through the solicitors. Let him know that you aren't going to meet him any more unless he changes his mind. I understand that you love him and its very hard, but do you honestly think he would be a good reliable husband and father for the rest of your lives?

Last edited by chosen; 6th September 2013 at 12:25 PM.
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Old 6th September 2013, 03:46 PM   #350
Puglove
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Re: Husband has left!

If he realised this was all his doing and not everyone else's and grew up then yes I do...but as he is at the minute no he wouldn't.
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Old 6th September 2013, 03:54 PM   #351
ronnoco
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Re: Husband has left!

It sounds like you're really hoping it can all still be worked out and that's normal and fine - if you Google 5 stages of grief you'll see this is the bargaining stage.

Maybe it will work out, maybe he does just need to realise all this but the bottom line line is like Chosen has said, for now - that's his decision and for now, you have to go along with it.

The only thing that will save your marriage now is giving him time and space. Nothing you will say or do will convince him otherwise. It will make things far worse. Time and no contact really is the only way. Shame abut the wedding together tomorrow, that's very awkward and unfortunate.
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Old 6th September 2013, 04:15 PM   #352
Puglove
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Re: Husband has left!

To be honest it's his dad giving him all this rubbish! . If he only checked the direct.gov website he would see you can't go through one solicitor!!!! It's his dad giving him all this information that he has no clue! He thinks it is going to be easy and simple but it's not. Yes I do have hope he will come back. If he files for one fair enough I will have to accept it and right now that's his choice and I will just leave him alone!
However I am not giving up hope. Not yet, he's clearly confused and if he wants a divorce then fine but I don't think he has a clue what he is getting into.
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Old 6th September 2013, 05:55 PM   #353
Puglove
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Re: Husband has left!

He's text me asking to meet up on the 17th I said no.he then replied that can he just "guess what he can take from the house?" I said no we go through the solicitors and he said "well if you want to go through the solicitors lets go 50/50 on the house and furniture." I just said what he chooses to discuss with his solicitor it's up to him. If he wants to file for divorce he can. I just think he is saying things to frighten/hurt me...but I'm not giving him his way.
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Old 6th September 2013, 06:10 PM   #354
chosen
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Re: Husband has left!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Puglove View Post
He's text me asking to meet up on the 17th I said no.he then replied that can he just "guess what he can take from the house?" I said no we go through the solicitors and he said "well if you want to go through the solicitors lets go 50/50 on the house and furniture." I just said what he chooses to discuss with his solicitor it's up to him. If he wants to file for divorce he can. I just think he is saying things to frighten/hurt me...but I'm not giving him his way.

Good girl. Stay strong, So proud of you. You have now taken back control. Don't agree anything until you have spoken to the solicitor.
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Old 6th September 2013, 06:38 PM   #355
Puglove
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Re: Husband has left!

The ball is on his court now. If he truly wants a divorce he can file for it (£410 according to direct.gov)
To me he seems like a scared and confused little boy, crying, afraid of my family, afraid to try, and yet afraid to tackle divorce alone he wants me to hold his hand and still be his friend.

Neither options are easy but they are both ones he needs to deal with on his own
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Old 6th September 2013, 07:13 PM   #356
chosen
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Re: Husband has left!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Puglove View Post
The ball is on his court now. If he truly wants a divorce he can file for it (£410 according to direct.gov)
To me he seems like a scared and confused little boy, crying, afraid of my family, afraid to try, and yet afraid to tackle divorce alone he wants me to hold his hand and still be his friend.

Neither options are easy but they are both ones he needs to deal with on his own
Yes, you are right. That's remind me of my husbands ex wife .
She had met another man and was divorcing him. Hoever she apparently thought nothing was wrong with her asking him to help her fill his own divorce papers in! Sadly he did. I couldn't believe it when he told me!
Its not rocket science honestly, its just a few forms.

As I see it puglove, he said he wanted a divorce. Then you waited weeks in agony to meet him, and then he said again he wants a divorce.
Until the divorce is complete, there is always hope, but at this time you need to think of your future and of sorting out the house etc. if he does change his mind then he will tell you.

I wonder what grounds he will use for the divorce? . It has to be unreasonable behaviour for him not to have to wait 2 years, and by the way you can always contest it and make him wait. However that will cost you more money, so is it really what you want to do? You can also delay it for a long time by just not signing any forms he sends you, or by not signing them for ages, but is that going to change anything?
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Old 6th September 2013, 07:44 PM   #357
Puglove
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Re: Husband has left!

Only time will tell I guess. He always texts me shirty clever sounding messages the day after meeting. Yesterday he seemed the most upset through all this. I think divorce to him is running and that's it. He's not thinking of the bigger picture. He even said that.
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Old 6th September 2013, 09:32 PM   #358
Puglove
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Re: Husband has left!

I'm just lonely
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Old 6th September 2013, 10:18 PM   #359
Puglove
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Re: Husband has left!

Just ended up crying my eyes out! I miss him so much, this whole situation really hurts and I can't do anymore. I can't make him come home, I can't show him things will be ok unless he comes home. I can't do anymore
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Old 6th September 2013, 10:21 PM   #360
Puglove
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Re: Husband has left!

I want to text or phone him expressing my upset but that won't do any good I'm just so so upset right now and I'm scared about seeing him tomorro
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