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Old 26th July 2015, 08:12 PM   #1651
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Originally Posted by Lindentree1 View Post
Hi Ralf. I read the post this morning. I was just saying I did not see it yesterday, but I saw it today. Hope you're feeling better now.
Not great, feeling. sick, sore, and sad. things need to change I cant carry on like this, how is dear little Buddy ?, Guinness won't leave me alone today I think he knows his dad isn't too good at the moment, little Lucy has taken herself off to her little pink girls bed, I don't think she like spending too much time with 2 smelly boys lol.

Last edited by ralfgarnett; 26th July 2015 at 08:18 PM.
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Old 26th July 2015, 11:52 PM   #1652
Lindentree1
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Your cats sound adorable. Buddy's fine. He has a vet as well as a grooming appointment coming up soon.

I have a question. Do you and WW have mutual friends? What have they said about her current situation? Do they have insight on anything?
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Old 27th July 2015, 08:58 AM   #1653
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

"I have a question. Do you and WW have mutual friends? What have they said about her current situation? Do they have insight on anything?"

Hi LDT that's an interesting question, when we met properly in 1995 my friends became her friends and vice versa with a couple of exceptions on either side and back then we mingled quite a bit, her best friends boyfriend at the time became on of my ushers while her best friend was her chief bridesmaid, my best friend became my best man of course, as the years have gone by we have all seen less and less of each other, mainly due to moving in different directions, all her friends have children, my wife even found a new set of friends through work who she enjoyed going out with more as they were a bit more sedate shall we say than her original bunch of friends, they still wanted to go out and get smashed whereby these other girls didn't, they preferred to go out for dinner and maybe have a few glasses of wine and good conversation and my wife much preferred that, to the best of my knowledge none of her friends or friends husbands have fallen out with me as they have no reason to do so,although I hear nothing from any of them, so yes in principle we have mutual friends but I have heard no opinions or insight from any of them, on the flip side none of my friends are in touch with her apart from last week when she and my best man swapped a few e-mails as I described last week I kind of get the impression that some of my friends are no too impressed with her though although nothing direct has been said, good question though why did you ask ?, on a spooky note Lucy just stood on the phone and is replaying all her voicemail messages from before then after.
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Old 27th July 2015, 04:38 PM   #1654
Lindentree1
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Quote:
Originally Posted by ralfgarnett View Post
"I have a question. Do you and WW have mutual friends? What have they said about her current situation? Do they have insight on anything?"

Hi LDT that's an interesting question, when we met properly in 1995 my friends became her friends and vice versa with a couple of exceptions on either side and back then we mingled quite a bit, her best friends boyfriend at the time became on of my ushers while her best friend was her chief bridesmaid, my best friend became my best man of course, as the years have gone by we have all seen less and less of each other, mainly due to moving in different directions, all her friends have children, my wife even found a new set of friends through work who she enjoyed going out with more as they were a bit more sedate shall we say than her original bunch of friends, they still wanted to go out and get smashed whereby these other girls didn't, they preferred to go out for dinner and maybe have a few glasses of wine and good conversation and my wife much preferred that, to the best of my knowledge none of her friends or friends husbands have fallen out with me as they have no reason to do so,although I hear nothing from any of them, so yes in principle we have mutual friends but I have heard no opinions or insight from any of them, on the flip side none of my friends are in touch with her apart from last week when she and my best man swapped a few e-mails as I described last week I kind of get the impression that some of my friends are no too impressed with her though although nothing direct has been said, good question though why did you ask ?, on a spooky note Lucy just stood on the phone and is replaying all her voicemail messages from before then after.
Hi Ralf,

I just asked because I wanted to know if they have said anything to you at all. Sometimes friends pass things along. Sometimes you can hear things from them you wouldn't hear from her. I was just curious. It doesn't sound like that is the case in your situation.
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Old 27th July 2015, 04:52 PM   #1655
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Originally Posted by Lindentree1 View Post
Hi Ralf,

I just asked because I wanted to know if they have said anything to you at all. Sometimes friends pass things along. Sometimes you can hear things from them you wouldn't hear from her. I was just curious. It doesn't sound like that is the case in your situation.
Hi LDT, no I wont be hearing from any of her friends, one of her friends from work kind of fell out with her last year for a spell as she didn't think the way she had treated me was right, some of her friends husbands may well have sympathy with my situation but I doubt very much that they would ever get in touch, they might think it but do nothing about it if you understand me ?.
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Old 27th July 2015, 05:19 PM   #1656
Lindentree1
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Hi LDT, no I wont be hearing from any of her friends, one of her friends from work kind of fell out with her last year for a spell as she didn't think the way she had treated me was right, some of her friends husbands may well have sympathy with my situation but I doubt very much that they would ever get in touch, they might think it but do nothing about it if you understand me ?.
I understand. Now is the time for your sake to take care of yourself. You've got enough on your mind right now--especially with the recent health scare. I hope your friend has been helping you and you are doing better.
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Old 27th July 2015, 07:01 PM   #1657
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Originally Posted by Lindentree1 View Post
I understand. Now is the time for your sake to take care of yourself. You've got enough on your mind right now--especially with the recent health scare. I hope your friend has been helping you and you are doing better.
Yes thank you, she gave me my injection this morning and I am due to see her tomorrow and Wednesday to give me my last 2 eclexain injections pre-DVT scan on Thursday when I expect to be starting on a few months course of warfarin depending on how big the blood clot appears to be, once again this means countless blood tests and clinic appointments same as 2010, it all became very tiring and stressful and back then I had DW to help me and to see me through, now as with you I'm alone and must face this alone, must admit dear LDT on top of everything else I really don't need this right now.
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Old 30th July 2015, 11:00 AM   #1658
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Well this afternoon I have got my ultrasound scan to determine if I have a DVT and if so how big it is, I have never been very comfortable with hospitals and thankfully I haven't had to spend much time in them, must admit I have spoke to them a few times this week to ask their advice on a couple of things and they have been brilliant really brilliant with me, but I am feeling a bit nervous so wish me luck everyone.
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Old 30th July 2015, 12:16 PM   #1659
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Good luck Ralf.

I know you have had DVT before but I have to wonder if all the stress you are under has initiated this in some way. It's highly likely I believe.

Perhaps you should use this as a wake up call to say that for now, your number one goal is going to be your own health. As always, you don't have to give up, but one way or the other you need to train yourself to stop thinking about the past and start focussing on the future.

Let's be frank, the only reason your wife showed any interest about your illness was because your buddy e-mailed her, and even then, with the serious condition you had, she never got in touch did she? Actions speak louder than words and she showed no 'real' care for you did she.

You should think about that my friend...
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Old 30th July 2015, 12:41 PM   #1660
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Originally Posted by ronnoco View Post
Good luck Ralf.

I know you have had DVT before but I have to wonder if all the stress you are under has initiated this in some way. It's highly likely I believe.

Perhaps you should use this as a wake up call to say that for now, your number one goal is going to be your own health. As always, you don't have to give up, but one way or the other you need to train yourself to stop thinking about the past and start focussing on the future.

Let's be frank, the only reason your wife showed any interest about your illness was because your buddy e-mailed her, and even then, with the serious condition you had, she never got in touch did she? Actions speak louder than words and she showed no 'real' care for you did she.

You should think about that my friend...
Hi mate what a nice man you are, your wife must of been off her rocker to leave you, yes I have thought maybe there could be a link but can't co-relate one just yet I might ask this afternoon, your right about WS and I have thought basically what you said, I have actually had a mind shift this week about her actions or lack of them and I have started feeling slightly differently about her now, I do believe it has pricked her conscience a little because one of the e-mails is quite telling in the fact she is almost admitting her guilt about me and pitying herself a little, but no she hasn't been in touch with me directly, as far as she is concerned I could be being cremated tomorrow and she would be none the wiser unless of course one of my mates had told her, she will be first in the que on dole out day though, as if I go first then she gets my entire estate and I don't care, good luck to you buddy I hope things are going well for you over there in lovely Norfolk ?, it's a real shame we can't all meet up and have a chat that would be great, you, me, NDY, chosen, Raymond, LDT etc, there you go I'm off with the fairies again welcome to my weird world..
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Old 30th July 2015, 03:51 PM   #1661
notDoneYet
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Actions speak louder than words and she showed no 'real' care for you did she.
^^ it's all in the actions. Words are cheap. Watch what they do (and only believe 50% of it).
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Old 30th July 2015, 05:27 PM   #1662
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Well that was a fun packed afternoon, I have had a chest x-ray totally clear thank god, had the ultrasound scan on my now confirmed DVT, apparently it stretches from around my ankle area to about 8 inches above my left knee so a bit on the large side, it actually makes me feel so uneasy to feel that I have something so large and so alien inside me that could of killed me, I am on anti-coagulants for life now, yes I was scared when they told me, I really missed and badly needed my wife at that moment and since I got home I have been felling very down indeed, this is now a lifetime commitment with even more medications to take, they said it's a good job we caught it when we did as I could of been pushing up daisies right now, must admit the staff were brilliant up there, but I need a bit of time for this to sink in now on top of everything else I really didn't need this, I know it's under control, I know I'm safe-ish but I am really peed off with everything and I mean everything apart from my 2 little fluffy ones of course, I am narked with her for what she has done to me and how she has treated me, I feel like throwing in the towel and surrendering how much more knocks can life throw at me ?.

Last edited by ralfgarnett; 30th July 2015 at 09:18 PM.
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Old 30th July 2015, 10:06 PM   #1663
ronnoco
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Sorry to hear that Ralf. I know it's not good news but it could always be worse. Least you're still mobile.

Life can throw some real crap your way sometimes but you've just gotta dust yourself down and adapt and overcome. Easier said than done, I know that, but the truth is a lot of it will come from having the right mind set. Being willing to start the process of moving on is the key.

The best thing you could do right now is give yourself a break from it all. Try and just have a month off from thinking about all the bad stuff. I'm not saying give up home or throw in the towel, just give your poor mind a break from it all. You deserve it. Look at initially taking care of yourself and re-building, both physically and mentally. You love food so start enjoying food more. Put some weight on, get yourself some new clobber and have that night out with your buddy you talked about, see if you can get a little holiday in there - you know all these things.

Just gotta make it happen.
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Old 31st July 2015, 09:32 AM   #1664
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Originally Posted by ronnoco View Post
Sorry to hear that Ralf. I know it's not good news but it could always be worse. Least you're still mobile.

Life can throw some real crap your way sometimes but you've just gotta dust yourself down and adapt and overcome. Easier said than done, I know that, but the truth is a lot of it will come from having the right mind set. Being willing to start the process of moving on is the key.

The best thing you could do right now is give yourself a break from it all. Try and just have a month off from thinking about all the bad stuff. I'm not saying give up home or throw in the towel, just give your poor mind a break from it all. You deserve it. Look at initially taking care of yourself and re-building, both physically and mentally. You love food so start enjoying food more. Put some weight on, get yourself some new clobber and have that night out with your buddy you talked about, see if you can get a little holiday in there - you know all these things.

Just gotta make it happen.
Hi mate ta for your reply, sadly I'm not that mobile as it hurts like hell like twenty people giving me a dead leg all at the same time, to add insult to injury the R-A in my right knee has decided to flare up this week which is nice, I can make it to the corner shop, I can just about make it round the block for a walk, but I cant go on a night out I don't feel safe enough to do it at the moment.

I could of gone out last Friday night and caught a taxi over there and back but I had to query whether it was wise to be toddling around on 2 dodgy legs with 4 or 5 pints of best bitter in my belly, and as I am the only one making decisions for me I decided it was probably for the best not to go.

I made it out sunday afternoon and we will probably do the same this weekend and have sunday dinner while we are there, there's a pub close by that has a good selection of real ales and does a pretty good sunday lunch for 7 quid or so.

I would love / need a break away but not sure until I see my GP in 3 weeks if I can fly, my female friend said she would like to come away with me for a few days so lets see what happens.

I haven't conducted much business this week and am taking today and Monday completely away from the business, going to cook my self a nice lunch today, got some nice gammon steaks and will make one of my
favourites bubble and squeak using my own spinach, of course with a good squirt of HP sauce it just has to be HP, got some nice mackerel and smoked salmon pate for tomorrow with a cracker selection, and some anchovies and cherry tomatoes and quite a nice bottle of rose to wash it down with, so well provided for the next few days at least.

With regards thinking I think that I am starting to pine a bit less, I'm not as watery as I have been previously, I still think about her frequently I even bloody dreamt about her last night that we bought a huge new house with a massive garden and I could see her through the kitchen window hanging out washing, then I woke up to find our Guinness asleep beside me with his bum in my face, so good morning Ralf, maybe sometime soon I might wake up with another p-ssy beside me lol but I doubt it.

Anyway mate thanks again for your advice, time, and consideration, as with all our regulars on here your a hell of a decent person and I appreciate it very much indeed.
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Old 31st July 2015, 10:17 AM   #1665
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Hi mate

Quote:
I still think about her frequently
This is a tricky part, because the secrete to success here is to not think about her. It's the only path to recovery. My technique here is to picture Clint Eastwood from The good the bad and the ugly right there in my mind. Then every time a thought about the WW turns up Clint shoots that thought right out of there. And he never misses.

Now I know that sounds silly but the truth is that it's not. Your brain is just like a muscle and if you train it it will get better.

Do what works for you
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