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Old 23rd December 2013, 03:38 PM   #1
stepgrah
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 191
Miss my ex wife

Hi all,
I was on this site 2 1/2 years ago just after my wife left me taking my girtls. So much has happened over that time, but basically my relationship with my girls has never recovered and I still hardly see them (they are 17 and 16).

I had moved on and have been in a good relationship with another woman and we do get on fantastic. We started to make plans to move in together, but I have backed away from this. The reason being is that I miss my ex wife. I am caught in that horrid loop of remembering the good times and also the bad but basically having that wish that it should have been different.

I just believe it or not had lunch with her and my girls and we had the opportunity to speak. As we were talking I looked at her and said "I need tio tell you something" she asked what and I said :- I miss having you in my life!" The words just came out. She replied "Good, you should miss having me in your life" With that I moved the conversation onto another place far safer.

So bottom line is that I have confused myself I think. Please guidance on how not to be stupid would be appreciated.

Steve
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Old 23rd December 2013, 03:45 PM   #2
LibraLady
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Re: Miss my ex wife

Well, I applaud you with being honest with your feelings. I guess it would all depend on why the relationship did not work in the first place. Thats should giude you going forward. Is the new lady the rebound lady?

I would talk more with the ex and discuss both of your feelings. If she is receptive to it. Good luck. Its a sticky situation and we all want our families in tact, so I say try and see if it could still be something there, and only for the right reasons.
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Old 23rd December 2013, 03:49 PM   #3
stepgrah
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 191
Re: Miss my ex wife

Thx Libralady for the response. My ex has recently met a new man and she is adamant that it is not serious. I cannot control whether or not anything happens but just wanted her to know. Now I have said it I will leave it probably as it is best.

This lady I am with is not the rebound lady as I have been with other women. It is literally me taking stock of life to move and. I do adore this lady to bits, bit I need to get these thoughts out of my head how good my ex and I had it when I know we didn't! We loved each other so much but the marriage was not one that was good. We just could not agree on bringing up our girls and her focus was on her career.
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Old 23rd December 2013, 05:27 PM   #4
chosen
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Re: Miss my ex wife

It sounds as if you are still not over your ex wife, and therefore you cant move on properly. IT can take up to 5 years to fully recover from a marriage break up.
At least you are still seeing her and the girls, but not sure why you have to see her socially?.This may not help you to move on. The girls are nearly adults, and as such you need no contact with her.
MY husband never ever sees his ex, and I never see mine, there is no need. All of our children were 18 and over when we met, and were quite capable of sorting out when they saw the other parent.

I am also not sure why you are talking to her about your partners? What does it matter whether her boyfriend is serious or not, you are no longer married and so you don't need to know anything about her relationships, nor her yours.

You do have to make that decision not to live with regret and enjoy life now. Dont allow yourself to dwell on your former wife or the past, its not fair on your current lady. I am not one for thinking that moving in together is a good idea before the total commitment of marriage.
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Old 23rd December 2013, 06:36 PM   #5
Raymond
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Posts: 6,409
Re: Miss my ex wife

It does paint a picture of how much a part we become with our spouses when married. Break ups are like pulling two glued bits of wood apart. A bit of each is stuck to the other. It is painful and messy.

I thought her reply was a bit sharp and accusing and will help you to move on if you have to maybe. The ideal would be to be back together but I can't see it to be honest. As Chosen says these things take time. If you have found someone new maybe that is the future for you.
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Old 23rd December 2013, 09:53 PM   #6
ronnoco
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 391
Re: Miss my ex wife

Hi Stepgrah,

I have to agree with Raymond. As soon as I read what your ex wife said, it seemed very clear that she has moved on and is not interested in a reconciliation in any shape or form.

To be honest, after 2.5 years, I don't think it would be a good idea anyway. You are both different people. Too much has gone on, it just wouldn't work out.

When you are with someone a long time, you often live life through rose tinted glasses. Yes, i'm sure you had great times together but also, there were probably a lot of things not right in your marriage which is why you ended up getting divorced. Perhaps you should write a list of all the things you miss about your wife and then a list of all the things you don't miss - the things you didn't like. I suspect deep down - it's simply the fact that you are not a family unit that you are really missing. I feel this too, it's a tough one.

Life is short & precious. What you need to do is learn to be happy within. Comfortable with your own skin. Once you have achieved this, someone else will be able to add to your happiness but somebody else alone can't make you happy.

Along with trying to build as good a relationship as possible with your children, focus on yourself. What's done is done - living in the past will stop you having a future.
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Old 23rd December 2013, 10:49 PM   #7
Raymond
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Re: Miss my ex wife

That very wise and true Ronoco. Being comfortable in your own skin first. It's not that the other is responsible to make you happy. You have to have something to work with to start with and then a unity with someone. Character I call it.
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Old 24th December 2013, 11:19 AM   #8
Roses
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Re: Miss my ex wife

Quote:
Originally Posted by stepgrah View Post
My ex has recently met a new man and she is adamant that it is not serious. I cannot control whether or not anything happens but just wanted her to know. Now I have said it I will leave it probably as it is best.

This lady I am with is not the rebound lady as I have been with other women. It is literally me taking stock of life to move and. I do adore this lady to bits, bit I need to get these thoughts out of my head how good my ex and I had it when I know we didn't! We loved each other so much but the marriage was not one that was good. We just could not agree on bringing up our girls and her focus was on her career.
I totally agree with other posts.

I realize that men (or some men) see it as final when their ex finds her love again. Even if marriage didn't work out, this somewhat affects men's ego. Perhaps, even there's some jealousy as if what used to be yours is no longer yours and someone else's.

I totally agree that it's unhealthy to keep seeing your ex when you are seeing someone else.
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Old 22nd January 2014, 07:37 AM   #9
hearty14
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 5
Re: Miss my ex wife

If you still love her then all the efforts you will do to win her back is worth it

Good luck to you!
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