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Old 25th October 2010, 10:16 AM   #1
lonelyD
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 3
Loveless marriage without children

I met my wife while on holiday in Brazil. We had a very short (4 months) long-distance relationship then we decided to get married. My motivation to get married after such a short time was largely due to the distance and the fact I was very lonely and feeling my life was passing by. I realised almost immediately after we had spent any significant time together that I didn't know the real person. I soon realised I didn't like her personality or qualities and realised it was just infatuation and I didn't lover her at all. I was honest and open with her about my feelings from the time I started to have difficulty with how I was feeling. It's been five years now and I just feel completely hollow and having physical relations doesn't feel at all natural and feels burdensome as there is really no passion or love felt. She wants to stay in the relationship and is pressuring me more and more to have children. I don't know how much more I can take. I'm staying in this because of religious principles, but I feel so hollow and alone being with someone I don't even particularly like, never mind love.

What do I do in such a situation?
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Old 25th October 2010, 11:39 AM   #2
Raymond
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: Loveless marriage without children

I think you should learn to love her. She has taken you at your word and committed her life to you. Otherwise you will be in a position of using her, marrying her and dumping her. If she measured up to your infatuation then she should be worth your commitment which is what marriage is. I don't think there is an honourable way out if she is faithful. I think you have a chance of learning what true love is and you owe it to her don't you think?
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Old 26th October 2010, 11:15 PM   #3
jools
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 570
Re: Loveless marriage without children

My opinion is that you've already wasted 5 years of yours and her time. I don't think you can "learn" to love someone - especially when you don't even "like" them. The most dishonourable thing to do now would be to waste more of her life on a marriage that is going nowhere. For heaven's sake do NOT have children with her because then you will be creating a broken family if you separate further down the line - along with all the heartache if she takes the children back to her home country. Get out NOW! (While apologising profusely to her)
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