Site Areas
Wedding Centre
Health Club
Marriage Clinic
Chapel
University
Citizen's Centre
Coffee Shop
Admin Centre

Contents
Articles
Books
CDs / Videos
Tips
Services

Resources
Forums
Membership
Contact Us
Site map
Link to Us

Search

Take the Couple Check-up!

Marriage Week UK

Marriage first aid

Online support for your marriage

Free Tell A Friend from Bravenet


Home > Forums
2-in-2-1 Discussion Forums  

Go Back   2-in-2-1 Discussion Forums > Advice > Marriage Help

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 29th December 2009, 09:41 AM   #1
jellybean28
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
EXH taking girlfriend to sons wedding

I am in a dilema at the moment and don't know what to do.

Son is getting engaged in January and ExH will be there with OW. When son and his partner told me they'd invited her I thought I was OK with it.
She will also be going to the Wedding in November.

I am still having a hard time dealing with the break-up of my marriage and don't want meet her at such a special time for our son.

I want to tell my son and his partner that I have decided to attend neither the engagement party or the Wedding if OW is going to be there, but can't for fear of hurting my son or losing my son (and possibly my other two kids) from my life.

This whole situation is making me very very depressed. I still struggle with the fact that I have lost my H to another Woman and don't think he will ever come back no matter how hard I pray for him to come back.
  Reply With Quote
Old 29th December 2009, 11:28 AM   #2
j92cool
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 183
Re: EXH taking girlfriend to sons wedding

Oh dear. I don't know how I would cope either. I remember saying to my boys that I would not be caught dead under the same roof as their father so they had better think about it before inviting him to any family gatherings. I feel terrible for putting such pressure on them and regrett saying it but at the time I meant it.

It would hurt your son so much if you did not go. I think you will need to attend and hold you head up high. You have done nothing wrong. I am amazed that the OW is game enough to come. She will be the talk of the town and I can only imagine that it will not be nice talk either.
Be the better person and show them you cannot be pushed aside.
j92cool is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29th December 2009, 11:54 AM   #3
jellybean28
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: EXH taking girlfriend to sons wedding

Thanks for your reply j92cool.

The only family that will be there is myself, ExH (+OW), my other two children and son's girlfriends sister and step dad. ExH's family have nothing to do with my kids since separation and while we can't ask my mum to go as she will make a scene and she and I don't get on (confused yet lol?).
Other guests will be son and girlfriends friends and some of her family.

If I thought OW was going to be talk of town by her presence I would have let things be. My problem is I am still very emotional about things and hurt, she is 10yrs younger than me, and very attractive, nice figure etc, which doesn't help my self esteem, as I am a bit overweight and not very confiident. I don't know maybe I should pay an excort service and find a nice toyboy to walk in with maybe I could pay him extra to hit on OW.

ExH and OW have started giving kids heaps of money for Christmas and Birthdays I feel like I am slowly losing them to ExH and OW what with their money big house and swimming pool, I just can't compete, all I have to give them is love and support, except in this case because I can't support my son's decision to invite OW to his Wedding.

Losing my kids and granddaughters would destroy me.
  Reply With Quote
Old 29th December 2009, 12:07 PM   #4
912jws
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 134
Question Re: EXH taking girlfriend to sons wedding

JB,

I sympathise with you, I had the same situation with my little boys birthday a couple of months back where I told my wife I didn't want the new bloke there that she had thrust into their lives so quickly and thought she and he should respect this.
In the end I forced myself to go purely for my son and totally ignored the new bloke as he did me ;-) it was awkward but luckily one of my best friends came and also a couple of the mums from school so I didn't feel too out of place.
If you can take someone then that will probably help your situation
Its still difficult for me at times, I hate going round to the exes place although luckily I see my wife very rarely as most of my exchanges are done at school or with the aupair, as for the new bloke, I have seen him twice since they got together back in August even though he's bigger than me I will tell him where to go if he ever tries to speak to me in a pally way in the near future.

Make sure you go even if its difficult.

Good luck

Jon
912jws is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29th December 2009, 12:43 PM   #5
Raymond
Moderator
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: EXH taking girlfriend to sons wedding

I think if you made a stand that you will not go if the other woman is there that would be quite reasonable. Everyone should understand that you have been betrayed and that this other woman is party to breaking up your marriage. Wouldn't you son understand that? It might even be possible that he could explain it to them so that she doesn't come. That is perfectly understandable in my view.

I think that is the right thing to do personally. It's your son not hers.

Raymond
Raymond is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st December 2009, 01:46 PM   #6
Wedgewood
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 476
Re: EXH taking girlfriend to sons wedding

First of all JB - keep your chin up. You have helped me more than anyone since I joined this forum and it is your ExH's loss. I am sure what ever you decide to do it will be for the right reasons - and if your son is anything like you he will see your point of view.

I would suggest talking to your son about this ASAP so whatever the outcome the 'damage' will be minimal. If you do decide to go (witch I hope you do) just be yourself. Dont worry about an escort or anything like that - it may work to your advantage for that 1 night, but it will work against you in the end.

If you want me to come then I could use the company too

Mark x
Wedgewood is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st December 2009, 03:47 PM   #7
jellybean28
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: EXH taking girlfriend to sons wedding

Thanks everyone for your replys.

Mark thank you for your kind words means alot to me. Thanks for offering to come along with me, still alot of travelling for you. Tell you what if I win the lottery tomorrow night I will send you a business class ticket over here that would really get everyone talking lol.

Have decided that I will tell son and his partner that I am not ready to share such a special day in their lives with OW.

Emotionally I don't feel ready to cope with her being there, I'm sure they will understand, if OW doesn't understand then that's her problem.
I just hope that ExH doesn't make them choose between her or me being there.
  Reply With Quote
Old 31st December 2009, 03:59 PM   #8
Helen_uk
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,531
Re: EXH taking girlfriend to sons wedding

I've given this quite a bit of thought jb...I wondered what I would do if it were me. I'd like to think I'd walk in, head held high and say " s*d them "... But you know what ? I wouldn't.

Firstly I couldn't trust myself to stay calm and be pleasant.. and it's not really the right time or place to lose it , secondly I couldn't trust myself not to break down and lose my dignity and I would HATE for ex or the OW to witness me in tears or upset...Lastly it would be my son's special day and unless I was 100 % sure I could handle it , I wouldn't want to spoil it for him...

I've not been in the situation myself, but I do know my limitations.

I think you're right, be honest with your son. It's not a case of " her or me " . You have the right not to put yourself through the emotional distress it would cause. If your son then decides he wants you there and not her, that's not your fault so don't feel guilty.

Failing that take Mark up on his offer hehehe ... Might be a long journey but worth it !


Hugs

Helen x
Helen_uk is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2nd January 2010, 07:30 PM   #9
jools
Registered User
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 570
Re: EXH taking girlfriend to sons wedding

Hi JB
This is one that I just HAD to reply to. I also have strong feelings about this. Your H's OW has no right being there. You gave birth to your son and raised him along with your ex. You are the people that should see him on the next stage of the journey. She's had no part in his upbringing - apart from the destruction of his family - so why should she be there? Don't threaten, just explain how hard it will be for you and how it will ruin what should be a happy occasion for you. If your ex makes them chose between her and you then that just shows him up to be very selfish. I hope everyone sees your point because you DO have a point on this one. Good luck.
Jools XXX
jools is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th January 2010, 03:58 AM   #10
georgie
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 424
Re: EXH taking girlfriend to sons wedding

Hi JB, I think you have wonderful instincts and are a very sensitive empathetic person. Just be your honest self with your son. As Helen says Marks offer is a goodie - dont discount it!
georgie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th January 2010, 04:44 PM   #11
jellybean28
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: EXH taking girlfriend to sons wedding

Thanks everyone for your replies

Will be talking to Son tomorrow night and will let you know what happens.
Have a funny feeling I will have to tell ExH on behalf of Son oh well thank goodness for email and txt messages.
  Reply With Quote
Old 4th January 2010, 04:48 PM   #12
Wedgewood
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 476
Re: EXH taking girlfriend to sons wedding

Good luck with that. I am sure it will be ok with your son - he might even defend your corner. I am sure that things will work out for the best and, even though it is a special day with them, your relationship with your son is ongiong and not just about one day

It is what you do long term that counts!
Wedgewood is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th January 2010, 01:28 PM   #13
jellybean28
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: EXH taking girlfriend to sons wedding

Well as it ended up I put off phoning my son, and today decided to txt EXH was in the middle of the TXT when daughter in law to be rang and said EXh had just rang her to say OW wouldn't be at engagement party as her father had died.

I do feel very sad for OW for the sudden loss of her dad, it has freaked me out. I feel as if the universe is telling me something.

I mean OW could have grown horns or have all her hair fall out or better still she could have put on about 50KG over Christmas (EXH would have been freaked out and run for the hills ), but instead her father dies, which has now put the wind up me so to speak.
  Reply With Quote
Old 11th January 2010, 01:58 PM   #14
georgie
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 424
Re: EXH taking girlfriend to sons wedding

The universe took fairly drastic action on your request - obviously u have more influence the u realised, use your power wisely from here on in!
georgie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th January 2010, 01:58 PM   #15
spiderman
Registered User
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 192
Re: EXH taking girlfriend to sons wedding

spooky Gillian !
spiderman is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 03:23 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.


Top

Copyright 1999-2020 2-in-2-1 Limited. All rights reserved. Disclaimer