Site Areas
Wedding Centre
Health Club
Marriage Clinic
Chapel
University
Citizen's Centre
Coffee Shop
Admin Centre

Contents
Articles
Books
CDs / Videos
Tips
Services

Resources
Forums
Membership
Contact Us
Site map
Link to Us

Search

Take the Couple Check-up!

Marriage Week UK

Marriage first aid

Online support for your marriage

Free Tell A Friend from Bravenet


Home > Forums
2-in-2-1 Discussion Forums  
Old 27th July 2015, 01:27 AM   #1
plumbob
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 2
help needed new member

hello everyone
im hoping for some help here as im a bit lost, feeling very down and confused.
i have been with my wife for 30 years, we met in high school then later got married and had three great children which are grown up now but 2 still live at home.
my wife and i have never had a really strong marriage but we worked at it and we were quite happy for most of the time, before we had kids we both had a couple of little flings which we put down to meeting so young and missing out on the boyfriend/girlfriend teenage dating years. we got over all that and moved on.
in the last few months she was acting different and i knew something was wrong but try as i might i couldnt catch her out and she wouldnt own up to anything.
she came in late one night and i hounded her till i got the truth.
she had made some new girl friends in work and had been out with them several times, one of them was a lesbian and it turns out my wife was having a dabble, she always wanted to try it just to see if she liked it, well she did ! but something else happened she had feelings for this woman, she even said she thought she might love her !
anyway after some tears and rows i told her she had to make a choice, she chose us.
however since then i have been in a state of confusion over the whole thing, its making me sad and depressed.
her attitude has changed at home, she has me on the back foot and shes taking full advantage.
she still works with this girl but only once a week on a friday, im having trouble trusting her because i never know where she is with her job, she is mobile and never in one place.
the last thing i wanted at the age of 49 was all this, she now says shes not sure if she wants to stay or leave, she assures me its not about the other woman but she is curious about other women in general !!
i cant bear the thought of splitting up our family after all we have been through, and im scared of being on my own.
i just dont know what to do, its affecting my work and im not sleeping.
i feel so let down that she could find it so easy to do all this to me after all we been through together, having our kids, getting our first home etc etc..
to make matters worse my dad died a week ago and i really needed a shoulder to lean on but she wasnt there for me.
i feel as though she is just a bad person and its finally showing through, im worried that if we split up we will both regret it so much later on down the line.
ive always been a fighter and hate giving up on things but i feel as though im flogging a dead horse.
if anyones been in a similar place please write back, got no one else to turn too
thanks in advance
tony
plumbob is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th July 2015, 09:00 AM   #2
Raymond
Moderator
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: help needed new member

Looks like she is getting into temptation Bob which could cost her her marriage. What would she say if you said you were interested in other women and wanted to play the field? She is being unfaithful whatever the sex is. I think personally that you have to prepare to take a risk and lay down that it is either them or you. If there is anything there that will bring her to her senses. If not then you have already lost her it seems for all intensive purposes.
Raymond is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th July 2015, 09:52 AM   #3
ralfgarnett
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,076
Re: help needed new member

Hi Tony, so sorry you find yourself in this awful situation, I hate to say this but cheating is cheating regardless of male or female, she has betrayed your trust, and your marriage vows, this is infidelity no matter how anyone might dress it up, I am so sorry for you mate but you now need to decide if you want to stay with someone that you can't trust ? because that is part of the issue here, the trust has now gone out of your marriage, whatever you decide to do I want you to know that my thoughts are with you and I wish you well, bye the way Tony I also meant to add how sorry I am to hear about your dad, I too have lost both parents so I know how you must be feeling, deepest condolences to you and your family.

Last edited by ralfgarnett; 27th July 2015 at 04:05 PM.
ralfgarnett is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th July 2015, 12:48 PM   #4
chosen
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
Re: help needed new member

Hi Tony, it never ceases to amaze me the terrible things that people will do out of pure selfishness with no thought for others, even their own family.

The only way I can see this marriage working is if she is completely repentant, does all she can to regain your trust, makes a decision to fully commit to you and the marriage, stops seeing the OW and any other women privately, changes jobs and goes with you to long term marriage counseling.
If she isnt prepared to do this, she will loose her husband, probably her children and her home. If she is prepared to loose all that and deeply hurt so many for her own selfish sexual playing around, then she deserves all she gets to be honest.
chosen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th July 2015, 08:47 PM   #5
plumbob
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 2
Re: help needed new member

guys,
many thanks for your kind words, i fully agree with all you have said, i think i need to make a decision one way or another, she doesnt deserve me or the kids or our family home, shes not really all that sorry for what shes done and that says it all really, she point blank refuses to give up her job or even change times so she doesnt see the other woman any more,
Im gona give it a little more time but i think we both know where its going,
i will write an update in a few days guys for some more help
thanks again
plumbob is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th July 2015, 08:56 PM   #6
Lindentree1
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,253
Re: help needed new member

I'm so sorry, Tony. My condolences to you on the loss of your father. I'm sorry your wife isn't being supportive.

Would she be willing to go to marriage counseling? Have you asked her?

I know you will have to make a decision eventually, but I would hesitate on making one when you are so freshly grieving. This situation is a nightmare, but take a deep breath and stand back a bit.

If she is unwilling to do anything to save your marriage that would be very telling. But you must take care of yourself first and foremost right now. You have time. I hope I'm making sense. It's just that dealing with two life-changing issues at once is hard for anyone. Take care and keep us updated.
Lindentree1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 04:22 PM.


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.


Top

Copyright ©1999-2024 2-in-2-1 Limited. All rights reserved. Disclaimer