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Old 26th August 2015, 04:49 PM   #1426
Mfrisco
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Re: Yet another " I love you but I'm not in love with you" thread

Reading the conversation on this page about "being over it" I can see NDY's side....and my situation only started in June...so I'm only 2 months in but let me give my perspective if it helps ralfgarnett...

I have loved and still love my WW. 20 years together, never once thought about leaving her. She has been and still feels like she is my soulmate. In 20 years I never knew her to lie to me or be even a little dishonest (white lie ?).

Am I over her? No, not yet. But can I see what NDY is saying here? Yes, I can already feel that and I think for me it is sad to even feel that way but I can see it like a distant light ahead.

The person I have loved and known for 2 decades has suddenly changed. Her entire personality is completely different. She feels nothing like the person I knew from June 1995 - June 2015. Starting on bomb day June 27th for me...that person died and was replaced by someone who I do not even know. This person has lied to me looking directly into my eyes about the A. When I showed proof of the A they still tried to deny it but finally came clean (I am sure it was both embarrassing to admit and she does not wish to share that new relationship information with me as I am the old garbage...she has the "new love" running through her veins now).

If somehow by miracle of religion or science she was to snap out of this, be the old person she was before and convinced me she was very sorry and sincere then I would work on a reconcile....but I have come to learn already that is probably less than 10% chance and consider it now a pipe dream.

Do I miss us being together? Heck yes. Am I over 20 years? No...and it's going to be a long long time.

I can see NDY's point though.....he is way ahead of me as far as time into this saga. I am not there yet as I stated but I can see where I need to be in a year from now and it is definitely NOT HURTING. So as much as it will pain me I have to move on and every day let this go a little more and more. Life is too short to be sad and hurting for very long.

Maybe call it "self tough love" where you just need to look towards cutting the umbilical cord to the old M and R.
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Old 26th August 2015, 05:32 PM   #1427
notDoneYet
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Re: Yet another " I love you but I'm not in love with you" thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mfrisco View Post
Reading the conversation on this page about "being over it" I can see NDY's side....and my situation only started in June...so I'm only 2 months in but let me give my perspective if it helps ralfgarnett...
At two months I was still a blubbering mess. Couldn't eat, sleep or concentrate. Work was suffering as was my health.
Quote:
I have loved and still love my WW. 20 years together, never once thought about leaving her. She has been and still feels like she is my soulmate. In 20 years I never knew her to lie to me or be even a little dishonest (white lie ?).
Yes, my WW re wrote our history, so will yours but I know better and yes, she can't take that away from me.

Quote:
Am I over her? No, not yet. But can I see what NDY is saying here? Yes, I can already feel that and I think for me it is sad to even feel that way but I can see it like a distant light ahead.
Just for clarity. I'm not over her. I probably never will be but I'm not in pain any more and I'm moving forward with my life. My M is over and that's just the way it is and there is nothing I can do about it. Like I've said may times here. This WILL NOT be the defining point of my life.

Quote:
The person I have loved and known for 2 decades has suddenly changed. Her entire personality is completely different. She feels nothing like the person I knew from June 1995 - June 2015. Starting on bomb day June 27th for me...that person died and was replaced by someone who I do not even know. This person has lied to me looking directly into my eyes about the A. When I showed proof of the A they still tried to deny it but finally came clean (I am sure it was both embarrassing to admit and she does not wish to share that new relationship information with me as I am the old garbage...she has the "new love" running through her veins now).
This is common. I don't recognize the woman that left me. It's like she's been abducted by an alien and if truth be told I believe she's changed so fundamentally that the original W is lost forever.

Quote:
If somehow by miracle of religion or science she was to snap out of this, be the old person she was before and convinced me she was very sorry and sincere then I would work on a reconcile....but I have come to learn already that is probably less than 10% chance and consider it now a pipe dream.
I doubt this will happen to me. Her A is nearly 15 months old now.

Quote:
Do I miss us being together? Heck yes. Am I over 20 years? No...and it's going to be a long long time.
Here is the kicker. After time, the absence starts to become just a memory. You get used to doing what you want with who you want when you want. You start to live the single life again and parts of that are enjoyable. Do I miss being married? Yes, in some ways but in others I'm quite happy.

Quote:
I can see NDY's point though.....he is way ahead of me as far as time into this saga. I am not there yet as I stated but I can see where I need to be in a year from now and it is definitely NOT HURTING. So as much as it will pain me I have to move on and every day let this go a little more and more. Life is too short to be sad and hurting for very long.
This. For everyone on here this is your objective.

Quote:
Maybe call it "self tough love" where you just need to look towards cutting the umbilical cord to the old M and R.
Ironically the only real chance of them coming back is when we let go fully, but would we want them back at that stage? Who knows. I'm not hanging around to find out. She knows where I live.
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Old 26th August 2015, 06:31 PM   #1428
ralfgarnett
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Re: Yet another " I love you but I'm not in love with you" thread

I just think regardless of the brave and often wise words that are frequently banded around, we are all still going round in circles from time to time sometimes we see enlightenment but subsequently we all and up piddling in the same pot just from different angles that's all.
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Old 31st August 2015, 09:39 PM   #1429
notDoneYet
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Re: Yet another " I love you but I'm not in love with you" thread

So guys

WW is pregnant. And no, it's not mine.
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Old 31st August 2015, 10:09 PM   #1430
Lindentree1
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Re: Yet another " I love you but I'm not in love with you" thread

OMG, NDY! I'm so sorry. Unbelievable. : (
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Old 31st August 2015, 10:22 PM   #1431
chosen
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Re: Yet another " I love you but I'm not in love with you" thread

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Originally Posted by notDoneYet View Post
So guys

WW is pregnant. And no, it's not mine.
Okay so was that planned and is he going to hang around?
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Old 31st August 2015, 10:25 PM   #1432
notDoneYet
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Re: Yet another " I love you but I'm not in love with you" thread

Hi guys. Yea, unbelievable. I know.

She said it wasn't planned but i did find the folic acid months ago when I was still snooping but at the same time she may be telling the truth. I don't know what to believe right now if I'm honest.
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Old 31st August 2015, 10:26 PM   #1433
notDoneYet
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Re: Yet another " I love you but I'm not in love with you" thread

Hi chosen. Apparently he's delighted. At least that's what she said. Not sure if that's true but what difference does it make? The landscape just changed considerably.
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Old 31st August 2015, 10:47 PM   #1434
chosen
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Re: Yet another " I love you but I'm not in love with you" thread

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Originally Posted by notDoneYet View Post
Hi guys. Yea, unbelievable. I know.

She said it wasn't planned but i did find the folic acid months ago when I was still snooping but at the same time she may be telling the truth. I don't know what to believe right now if I'm honest.
Hmm why would she need folic acid if she wasnt trying for a baby. Its a bit sad that she couldnt ever wait till the marriage was over. This will put enormous strain in their very new adulterous relationship, as a new baby always does, you have to feel for the baby who is unlikely to have any sort of stable functional family life.
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Old 31st August 2015, 10:49 PM   #1435
notDoneYet
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Re: Yet another " I love you but I'm not in love with you" thread

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Originally Posted by chosen View Post
Hmm why would she need folic acid if she wasnt trying for a baby. Its a bit sad that she couldnt ever wait till the marriage was over. This will put enormous strain in their very new adulterous relationship, as a new baby always does, you have to feel for the baby who is unlikely to have any sort of stable functional family life.
Yes. All of that.
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Old 31st August 2015, 11:04 PM   #1436
Lindentree1
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Re: Yet another " I love you but I'm not in love with you" thread

It was planned. She can't even tell the truth now. I remember you said a long time ago the OM loved kids. This is a woman taking folic acid and getting pregnant before the divorce was even over to keep her younger man.She might have been panicked about the window closing being in her 40's. She lied to spare your feelings. I don't know why she'd bother at this point. She's stuck the knife in enough.

You know what to do now. Find the rope you've dropped and bury it. In all her actions, she has made a mockery of her marriage. She should be ashamed, but...the spouses that walk away try to justify instead of feeling shame.

I am sorry. You will get through this. But don't listen to any more lies. Enough is enough. It's time to focus on the rest of YOUR life now, and S10's. It's a new day, my friend. It's a new day.
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Old 1st September 2015, 09:41 AM   #1437
ralfgarnett
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Re: Yet another " I love you but I'm not in love with you" thread

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Originally Posted by notDoneYet View Post
So guys

WW is pregnant. And no, it's not mine.
Mate I am honestly stuck for words, I just feel so bad for you, I have never heard of anything quite like this happening before, I wish I knew what to say to you, I guess if there was even a glimmer of hope still within you this is the final nail in the coffin, there could be no going back now, wow what a piece of work she is I thought mine had lost the plot but yours takes the biscuit, I am so sorry pal god only knows what you must be feeling and thinking right now how did you find out and are you supposed to be pleased for them ?, let me know if you want a man to man chat and I will PM you my phone number.
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Old 1st September 2015, 09:57 AM   #1438
chosen
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Re: Yet another " I love you but I'm not in love with you" thread

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Originally Posted by ralfgarnett View Post
Mate I am honestly stuck for words, I just feel so bad for you, I have never heard of anything quite like this happening before, I wish I knew what to say to you, I guess if there was even a glimmer of hope still within you this is the final nail in the coffin, there could be no going back now, wow what a piece of work she is I thought mine had lost the plot but yours takes the biscuit, I am so sorry pal god only knows what you must be feeling and thinking right now how did you find out and are you supposed to be pleased for them ?, let me know if you want a man to man chat and I will PM you my phone number.
IT sadly happens ralf. The husband of a lovely friend of mine (who is the same age as my oldest child) got another women pregnant(he thought she was on the pill) and left his wife and 2 children for her. Needless to say they didnt last long, and then he was left financially supporting 3 children. I hope that no woman with any common sense at all would go out with a man who has already cheated on one wife and has 3 different children with 2 women, but people are stupid as we all know.
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Old 1st September 2015, 09:59 AM   #1439
chosen
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Re: Yet another " I love you but I'm not in love with you" thread

I suppose that when you have lied for so long, more lies becomes easy. There is no need to at all for anyone to get pregnant these days if they dont want to.
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Old 1st September 2015, 10:03 AM   #1440
ralfgarnett
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Re: Yet another " I love you but I'm not in love with you" thread

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Originally Posted by notDoneYet View Post
So guys

WW is pregnant. And no, it's not mine.
Just thinking about this a bit further, what is S10 supposed to make of all this ?, and who is going to explain to him about his new half sister or brother ?, has she got a brain in her head or is she just totally self obsessed and living in cloud cuckoo land ?, does she think this is normal or acceptable behaviour ?, what a mess for you mate, I hope she is going to take responsibility for this and ensure S10 is cushioned from this.
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