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Old 26th August 2015, 06:45 PM   #1
Sleeplessinla
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Sleepless

I love my husband more than anything else in my life. We have been together for 20 years, 15 year of it in the marriage with two beautiful children. My life has always revolved around him. He was my first boyfriend and first everything. Last year he had an affair with our good friend’s wife. The attraction start with her husband showing her and her pictures off to him. My husband wanted to have a foursome with them, I did not and was not comfortable at all. I told her and I thought she understood and was my friend. Her husband also did not want them to go behind his back and do anything but they did for a year. This has left me devastated, not only was I betrayed by my husband but also a very good friend, whom I thought was my best friend at that time. My husband tell me he loves me and I should not be insecure and he doesn’t want to get a divorce, but he still wants to be friends with both the husband and wife. He cares for her and her husband as a friend, my husband has never had friends that he was close to like them. It’s been 9 months and I cannot get over it. I have tried to be friends, but every time I see her I am devastated. I have tried talking to her, but she has gone behind my back and told my husband every time. She is still with her husband. This is not the first time he had an affair, he has an affair with his coworker for almost 10 years. He has also been with several other girls, but he doesn’t want to get any help. I am so confused. I really want my marriage to work. Please help!
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Old 26th August 2015, 08:04 PM   #2
ralfgarnett
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Re: Sleepless

Sorry you find yourself here and in this mess through not fault of your own, I am sorry to say this but while you may be committed to your husband he is obviously not committed to you or your marriage, you deserve better, he is a serial cheat and has the morals of a sewer rat, do you really want to live this life where you obviously cant trust him ?, he doesn't need help he needs neutering like a tom cat, I think he needs to know that unless he changes his ways immediately then you will ask him to leave or you will leave him and divorce him for every penny he has got, do you have children ?.
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Old 26th August 2015, 08:13 PM   #3
Raymond
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Re: Sleepless

Your husband seems to make light of it Sleepless but it is still adultery and no wonder you are devastated. Normally I would say you should confront him and put the marriage on hold until he repents about what he did.

However this seems more of an evil alliance with others. Does the other husband know what was going on with your husband and his wife? This foursome business goes even beyond adultery to my mind.

The only way out of this is for him to be sorry about it and to cut all contact with the other woman. If he cannot do that I don't see any hope for your marriage to be honest as the trust has been broken which would take a very long time to mend and which wouldn't happen if he was not sorry about it.

The least you can do is initially confront him about it but it looks like the seeds were sown with the suggestion of a foursome long ago. The other husband showing pictures of his wife seemed to be the door which led to all this trouble.

I'd start with confronting him about this affair and see what happens. His answer will reveal tons of where this is going to end up. If he is sorry then he has to prove it by cutting all contact with this couple.
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Old 26th August 2015, 10:55 PM   #4
Lindentree1
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Re: Sleepless

This is not the first time he had an affair, he has an affair with his coworker for almost 10 years. He has also been with several other girls, but he doesn’t want to get any help. I am so confused. I really want my marriage to work. Please help!


In your words, your husband has had a few long-term affairs, and has cheated several times. Then he has the nerve to call you insecure. You know about all the cheating, so he doesn't even try to be discreet about this awful behavior. How can he say he loves you? Is this the picture of marriage you want your children to have?

Normally I encourage people to try to work things out. I can't say that here. The cheating has been going on for most of your marriage. You deserve better.
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Old 27th August 2015, 10:45 AM   #5
Raymond
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Re: Sleepless

Good spot Lindentree. Somehow I didn't register that part.

You obviously have good grounds for divorce and without any repentance there I don't see much hope.

I sense you are insecure and have not considered divorce Sleepless but I think if you do not act you will become like a doormat which you probably have experienced already. One cannot force a spouse to act as they should. As I said confront him about the latest goings on but I don't hold much hope considering his past behaviour. He is not worthy to be your husband as it is and has betrayed you. Why sit in the place of affliction?
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Old 28th August 2015, 07:24 PM   #6
chosen
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Re: Sleepless

WHy are you still with such an awful, immoral, faithless and lying man? By staying with him every time you have enabled his awful behaviour, and for you to carry on seeing this couple is madness. Is this the terrible role model you want for your children?Why you letting him treat you so badly?

THis man isnt worth it, he is a serial cheat who has no moral values or integrity at all. Get out while you can is my advise, he clearly isnt going to stop. Now he blames YOU for being insecure. He is supposed to treat you as the precious lady that you are, not a thing he cares nothing for who is supposed to put up with his every immoral sordid whim and sexual lust. Sorry, but a man who loves his wife doesnt treat her like a piece of rubbish as yours is. OF course he doesnt want to get any help(by that I assume you mean marriage counselling?) he will then be challenged on his appalling behaviour. At the moment he has his family and also all his lovers, until you stand up to him he will carry on and on.

IF you wont leave him for you then do it for the children, they deserve better than a father who treats women like trash.

Last edited by chosen; 29th August 2015 at 09:57 AM.
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